Ok, this isn't actually for me, it's for a good friend of mine but i have been in this situation myself and i know how annoying it can be.

Long story short my mates really into this girl, and she seems really into him too. They spend time together at the weekend and it sounds like they properly enjoy each others company. However she's known for being a "good girl" and he's kind of got the reputation for being a bit of a player, he does have a lot of female friends, but he's not necessarily sleeping with them all, he tells me anything and he really is digging this girl to the point where he wants a relationship, they're dead close and most people (myself included) would say they're practically already in a relationship. However, he says when the subject of their relationship comes up she gets quite distant and uses the word "friends" a lot, which is quite confusing for him. Not in a nasty backing off way, just not very forward and says i "like" you a lot, as if she's scared of love.

Just a few little pointers, he's definitely not in the friends zone, i know they frequently get intimate, in front of friends as well so she's not ashamed or anything. It's a very open thing. Like i said, most people would say they're already in a relationship. Also she's really not the kind that would use him for sex/intimacy, she really respects herself and you would have thought she would be the kind that would want a relationship if she was close to someone.

He drunkenly asked her a while ago (granted, when they weren't anywhere near as close as they are now) where she thought it was going and she replied "I really like you and would love to spend more time with you but i don't really know you well enough to say yet" He's told me that kinda bothered him and he doesnt really want to ask again, even if they answer may be different this time round.

So basically im just looking for any other viewpoints of what might be going through her head, it certainly is a confusing one. Maybe a way he can get her to open up a little more without being so direct. So he can just get the truth out of her. Maybe this is just a girl thing and she thinks nothing of it, whilst we're here over thinking it but it'd be nice to try and find out.

This guys a top guy and has helped me with a lot so it'd be nice to give something back and really get these two going, as i said i've been in a similar situation and knowing you both like each other but being confused about where it's heading can be a big mindfuck as im sure plenty of you know.

Thanks in advance for your help anyway guys. I've offered a lot of help but i'm still a good friend of his and i have known her for a while so i still don't really have an "outsiders view" of the situation. I hope we can come up with some ideas or even just ways to put his mind at rest.

Ta,

HD

hey well there are some reasons why she is acting this way

She was hurt in the past: if she had a previous relationship which didn't go too well she will not be very willing to go along with the relationship because she doesn't want to be hurt again.

she wants to be loved and nothing else: sometimes some chicks cant go without any affection and to satisfy themsleves will go with almost anyone, that doesn't necessarily mean she wants a relationship.

She is trying to make her ex jealous: now i am sure this isn't the case but she might be being intimate in public with your friend just to make her ex jealous.


Hope this helped!

It's an interesting story. Do you know for how long they are dating now?

The thing "friend" instead of "boyfriend". Does this happen every time or did she mention this only once or twice? If it's consequently "friend" in her eyes while fooling around with him in front of everyone, than it's confusing indeed. The only thing I can think of is that she is not able to get the word "boyfriend" over her lips because of anxiety as she may fear that he will dump her. I can imagine when somebody feels something like this, he tends to be conservative for the sake of selfprotection. However, it still does not make a lot of sense to me. If this is the case, he should open up himself a little bit more to her to reassure her the everything ss OK. If she just said it once, then it probably is not of any signficance and no worries are needed.

Another thing I can think of is that she does it delibaretely to probe his respons: a shit test. If this is true, he may let her know that he does not like shit tests but does like her and that he has only the best intentions with her.

A last thing I can think of is that this girl is not really into a relationship at all but just likes fooling around with guys of good quality. However, it's probably not, given the fact that you describe her as a nice, decent person. Besides, you post too little information about her, so any judgement regarding her state is difficult.

If I were him, I would forget it and keep going on. However, he needs to stay sharp. If it keeps happening than he should start teasing her about it. For example she mentions "friend", he responds with "Correction lady, a fuckfriend, a very good one. But I still think you are cute. High five!!". Let him do this a little bit carefully and with a lot of playfulness. Than he should be able to calibrate her state after she receives something like this from him.

I can not think of many others things, it's a little bit strange sitatuation.

^copycat

haha thanks guys, sorry about not giving much info on the situation, i understand it's confusing, but i don't know her as well as him or what really goes on, i only know from what i see and his view of the situation so i think it would unfair of me to say too much about her.

I'm inclined to agree with you about being hurt in the past Abdul, i was speaking to a mutual friend of ours and she did mention that she's been with too many pricks and she's been hurt a lot by guys in the past. She does seem quite frail and could be scared of getting hurt again.

The "just wants to be loved" thing is interesting. I never really thought about that, i don't really see her as that kind of girl but it is something to think about.

I did think about making the ex jealous, but they go out together alone a lot too and he say's she's more intimate if anything when they're not out with friends so i'm fairly sure it's something else.

I do agree gamer, i think he should tease her about it a bit and see how she reacts. It's most probably that she's just shy about relationships at first or she's being wary because of bad past experiences and the fact that she got the wrong impression of him at first, so we'll see how it goes.

I'll have a chat with him and suggest some of the reasons and see what he thinks. I really appreciate the help guys, thanks for the ideas.