Hey all, my close friend just got dumped by his gf of 3 years, and he's in a bad place...thought I'd post what happened and see if you have any ideas, it'd really help out. Thanks!

Background on the relationship--started dating in high school, continued into college, they go to college 4 hours away from each other. Took her v-card, dated for 3 years, always faithful, families are really close, go on vacations and stuff together and talked about getting married after college so really solid.

Where it started going bad:

She started bringing up 'going on a break' about 2 months ago, saying the long distance thing is too hard, but he talks her out of it. She brings it up once every few weeks but he manages to say that they can work through it...finally agree that he needs to 1. visit her more to make it easier 2. not hassle her about going out and partying (he was worried she'd cheat) and 3. make her more of a priority when he goes home on vacation, because usually he tends to see his best friend more than he sees her. So everything is fine for a week or two, then she flat out tells him its not going to work and she is too drained emotionally to continue and she needs space, but still claims that she loves him and wants to get married, and she just needs to be more independent and live her life but fate might bring them back together once she's done with that.

He stopped talking to her for a week after that and she started texting him, then she came up to our college for a volleyball game, and he went to see her because she asked him to come---they talked and she just said she wants to be more independent but would like to see him during thanksgiving and give him his b-day present.

Any advice for my friend? I think he just needs to give her space and fuck some other chicks, live his life and let her figure some shit out......I don't really get why after 3 years, she'll all of a sudden say she needs to be more independent...seems weird.

I think I do. You said that he won't let her go to parties because he thinks she will cheat. It might be hard for him to trust. Because I want to give good advice I will even go so far as to say that he probably has trust issues with most people.

I recomend that he gives people trust even before knowing them. Believe that a stranger is honest until he proves otherwise. I am not saying go out and trust a bum with 50k. I am saying trust people for there word if it won't kill him, and give people the benefit of the doubt. His perceptions of the world will be changed and he will be able to trust her more.

He has to let her live her life in a long distance relationship. He can't control her.

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Walk Hard

Yeah I suppose you're right about that, he did try to control her social life to an extent, which is definitely a bad thing to do in a long distance relationship. Any tips on what he should at this point? Just forget about her and do his own thing for a while and if she comes back great, if not whatev?

He isn't going to forget about her. And she will always love him. He has to accept her for having power over him. He has to be content with allowing her to go to parties.

I really think he needs to fill her heart with love and uncontitional acceptance. If she feels loved by him she won't have a need to cheat.

If he is going out and sexing a bunch of girls when he goes to parties he will assume she is doing the same thing. He will have to stop that if he is. He is still in great shape with this girl. She was forced to break up with him. He did it to himself. He HAS to trust her.

When she comes back to him after this, then they will get married for sure. He really needs to understand the reason why they broke up is because he controlled her. I think that will help him change. It's not asking that much, but it has to be internal. He needs to trust people.

I can't tell him exactly how to learn to trust people. It was scary for me, but I just did it, and now I don't worry about it. I trust people and my life is easier. Most people are very honest and sincere. In reality, we have no choice but to trust others, if we don't we just fight an uphill battle.

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Walk Hard