Hi,

I am a new member here, but I joined because I have heard a lot about how PUAs are supposed to be like experts in, er, picking up girls. This should be a routine problem.

Anyway, my situation:

On most days (every other) on the train from where I get on to where I get off (including a change) I see the same girl. I don't see this person everyday because seeing her on the train is down to timing so it's very hard to get it right. I might miss the train she is on or be a little early, or she may be.

Is there any good way to actually make an approach (and just as friends)? Sitting on the train all day is boring as hell, especially with my MP3 players being broken (yes, I managed to break two of them). To make things worse, she listens to her MP3 player so any chance of me saying anything is made x10000000 harder. If she wasn't, I could say something.

Another thread I read about the exact same issue (approaching a girl who uses the same train on a daily basis) mentioned that a girl who is using headphones is a girl who doesn't want to be approached. This is not true as girls take them off when they meet friends on the train, or talk to friends and leave one headphone on, will take them off if you tap her shoulder and ask a genuine question and will try to give a helpful answer (Eg directions). All this means is that any approach is A LOT harder. Now I hate headphones/mp3 players and mine don't work!


She works in the same area as me but I have never seen her around in my lunch break (there is a big shopping centre near by - which is probably why I haven't seen her lol), but because we are of a similar age and work in the same area there is plenty to talk about. I could go on and on about work, except I hate talking about myself.

Of course, I am pretty sure she has noticed I always take the same train to the same destination and I don't see anyone else on the train as often as her/or myself who is already on it or from where I get on it and going to the same destination as us (this is just an observation). I usually notice I see the same people take the same trains as me once every few days and then I see them near my workplace.

All I have found are stupid lines like "I always see you on this train, you must be stalking me", which makes me cringe and if someone like me (a little inexperienced) says this, it surely won't work?

It's even harder to approach a girl who is attractive as it can be unwanted attention and they would realise it.

She is always on her own, which I guess is in my favour. She's never constantly on her phone which also helps and makes me think she is single (just my guess, not using a phone much isn't very conclusive). From her appearance she looks shy and quiet. The only time she may take her hearphones off is when changing trains so I guess that is my best chance to say something (like perhaps "Where abouts do you work?" - as in the company). The only thing I have done is make eye contact, which she spotted, and then I looked away but not as quick as I usually would as that would really imply I've done something wrong. How useful a tool is eye contact? I was establishing it as it requires confidence (or at least used to for me) but I missed a trick - smiling. What would a girl think of this sort of behaviour (eyeing a girl but just looking at her eyes, she looks, I look away)?


What should my "strategy" be?

<p>If you know your going to cringe when you say that then don't say it. Something doesn't have to be all that great to open a conversation, it just needs to get you talking to her, just to break the ice.

<p>Just go sit next to her or something and say, "Hey, you know, I see you here a lot, and you seem like a pretty cool, down to earth girl. [stick out hand to shake] I'm BladeR." Then just start a normal conversation, like one you'd have with your best mate.

<p>Be light, be funny, be yourself, and when it's time to leave say, "do you have email?" She'll most likely say yes, so pull out a pen and paper and hand them to her. Bada-bing, you have her email. If you want you can throw in a, "you know while you're at it, why don't you write your phone number down too." But if not, then you still have her email.

<p>And if you really just want to be friends then it's really no pressure anyway.

_________________
"Send me a red-head,
Send me a brunette,
Send a blonde to me.
When I unwind, I'm colorblind,
They're all the same to me."

That example I gave I would never say. I just mentioned it because I can't find anything better (though looking on this forum and this section I've found some decent openers).

I say "as friends" because if I was to be in a relationship with anyone, I need to get past the friendship zone (unless I'm REALLY hot, which I am not quite). Of course, I want a relationship as being single is boring, but if I said "my aim is to be in a relationship with this girl" then it is way too much pressure and way too quickly, when I don't even know the girl - I will end up trying too hard and probably push her away. And that would make me mess things up. If I think of being a friend and then anything else as it comes in the future, I can manage the pressure a little better.

The other day I was out with a work mate at lunchtime and a girl stopped us to sell something. I was a little hyper (which I sometimes naturally am but haven't been in ages) and asked for her number and got it (her mobile number too). That was easy as we were talking and my hyper attitude at that moment in time made me ask for her number without thinking - thinking about fear. With this side to me, it's much easier.

But the problem of headphones is a big one and annoying so I guess I gotta be patient?

That example I gave I would never say. I just mentioned it because I can't find anything better (though looking on this forum and this section I've found some decent openers).

I say "as friends" because if I was to be in a relationship with anyone, I need to get past the friendship zone (unless I'm REALLY hot, which I am not quite). Of course, I want a relationship as being single is boring, but if I said "my aim is to be in a relationship with this girl" then it is way too much pressure and way too quickly, when I don't even know the girl - I will end up trying too hard and probably push her away. And that would make me mess things up. If I think of being a friend and then anything else as it comes in the future, I can manage the pressure a little better.

The other day I was out with a work mate at lunchtime and a girl stopped us to sell something. I was a little hyper (which I sometimes naturally am but haven't been in ages) and asked for her number and got it (her mobile number too). That was easy as we were talking and my hyper attitude at that moment in time made me ask for her number without thinking - thinking about fear. With this side to me, it's much easier.

But the problem of headphones is a big one and annoying so I guess I gotta be patient?

That example I gave I would never say. I just mentioned it because I can't find anything better (though looking on this forum and this section I've found some decent openers).

I say "as friends" because if I was to be in a relationship with anyone, I need to get past the friendship zone (unless I'm REALLY hot, which I am not quite). Of course, I want a relationship as being single is boring, but if I said "my aim is to be in a relationship with this girl" then it is way too much pressure and way too quickly, when I don't even know the girl - I will end up trying too hard and probably push her away. And that would make me mess things up. If I think of being a friend and then anything else as it comes in the future, I can manage the pressure a little better.

The other day I was out with a work mate at lunchtime and a girl stopped us to sell something. I was a little hyper (which I sometimes naturally am but haven't been in ages) and asked for her number and got it (her mobile number too). That was easy as we were talking and my hyper attitude at that moment in time made me ask for her number without thinking - thinking about fear. With this side to me, it's much easier.

But the problem of headphones is a big one and annoying so I guess I gotta be patient?

Heya man,

First of all, welcome to the game. You've taken the right path and decision to share ur problems here. Now, onto your problem:

Girls with headphone or MP3 are just as approachable as everyone! Although I've never seen one, u can always open with:

(make hand gestures, saying "take your headphones off") "Excuse me, but I'm kinda bored of my own playlists in my own MP3 player/iPod, so I think it's really cool to exchange some songs with somebody". Then from there, u can continue the conversation.

Mate, what I see from here is that most of your problems are inner beliefs. Try it out,man. I know the feeling the fear of rejection, because I still have it until this moments, especially the girls you like. The line that u're planning to use will work, if you believe it and make sure you smile, if you don't want to come off as weird. Humor makes them comfortable, but make sure that u don't use excessive use of them. It's fun at first, and it could get you attraction. But if you don't build comfort afterwards (sharing things in your life, build commonalities, e.g work in same area, same age, etc) is a great advantage that u can use. She'll be YOURS!!

Now try it out and u're more than welcome to come back later and share what happened back there.

Hope this helps
Cheers!

Best pal,
Steven

_________________
"Live every moment of your life as it is the best"

"Grief is the price we pay for love"

Go up to her and initiate the Convo

You: Hey you, wats up?
Her: Nothing
You: I always c you in the train and im curious about you, who are you
Her: Blah blah blah
You : I am blah blah
and just stack from there

Read the mystery method

_________________
Difficulties are things that show a person what they are.” Epictetus

Is it a bad thing to ask her to take her head phones off? Some say yes this is, some say no - because if she has them on, she does not want to be disturbed. Though when I have my headphones on, I don't mind being disturbed.

The fundamental issue I have (other than luck), is that I am obviously inclined to talk to her as she is pretty. So surely she expects someone who is hot (and I'm average) to come up to her? Of course, I know other things count but these are not shown at face value (personality, etc).

What if I faked a sneeze and asked her for a tissue?

The likelihood of seeing her everyday is soon so I really need to get to the point.

That sounds like a terrible idea.

you need to approach sooner rather than later. I like the guy's idea about asking her what she's listening to. Go from there. be prepared to talk about music.

If someone has their headphones on in most cases it does not mean they don't want to be disturbed, quite the opposite. If they have their headphones on they are very bored and looking for some easy entertainment to pass the time. However if they look extemely tired or hungover then it's wise not to bother them.

If somebody has their phone out on the other hand it probably means they don't want to be disturbed but even then I n closed one girl on a bus once by telling her she had a freakishly fast thumb for texting.

I read a great book on body language which has served me well, 'the definitive book of body language' there is some really good stuff in their I almost feel like keeping it to myself but hey I'm a nice guy, borrow it from the library.

_________________
"Stay hungry, stay healthy, be a gentleman, believe strongly in yourself and go beyond limitations.” - Arnold Schwarzenegger

Ure thinking to much , just do it.
Tap her on the shoulder and look her in the eyes; and deliver the rest.

_________________
Difficulties are things that show a person what they are.” Epictetus

it would be awesome if you faked a sneeze and made sure it looked fake, then ask if you can use her shirt sleeve or something.

Maybe just throw a bucket of raw sewerage over her head then blow your load in your face. I havn't field tested this one yet but I think it has promise

_________________
"Stay hungry, stay healthy, be a gentleman, believe strongly in yourself and go beyond limitations.” - Arnold Schwarzenegger

Watch the flick " On the line.

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DJ The Great
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quit worrying about your looks... you can look like a troll and still pick up if you are confident and maintain a good strong positive frame. I guess this isn't all that related, but my current gf I met at a bbq, I had no plans on running any game at a family bbq so I just was drinking and hanging out, well by the time I met her I was absolutely wasted faced, I couldnt remember her damn name for more then 3 seconds and was rambling on and on about bs.... however, I STILL #CLOSED her and when I aksed her about the events of that day she told me that I was just telling her some dumbass (DHV) story over and over again, and that I was the most confident fun person she has met, and that strong confident frame had her (sober mind you) ready to be f closed right then and there. I was wayy too drunk to recognize this, and probly wouldnt have tried to F close at my uncles house anyway with that much family there lol.

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But the truth is, you have to do a LOT of wading and searching and trial and error before you meet a quality girl. There are so many stupid, emotionally fucked up, manipulative, shallow, uncultured, uninteresting, retarded bitches out there.