So... I'm pretty much at rock bottom. Here's the story.

Of course I have social anxiety. I cannot meet people. I cannot make friends. I graduated from college with a computer engineering degree in December. I made almost no friends while in college.

I've greatly fixed up my image. Went out and got nice clothes, went to salon to get a hair cut, got new in style glasses. I've been more open in how I carry myself (walking tall, open, hands out of pockets, looking up, shoulders straight, etc). But all this hasn't done a damn bit of good.

I'm probably average looking. Nothing special, but nothing ugly either. I can talk okay if someone approaches me or I have a reason to talk to someone. I'm not some drone with a persistent frown and monotone.

I'm also been seeing a therapist. It seems like a complete waste of time though. I don't think I've made any progress since I first started going. I've tried looking for stuff to do. I've tried going outside my apartment. I can't find shit to do. I'm horribly afraid to go to clubs, or parties, or whatever. It wouldn't be so bad if I had someone to go with, but since I don't, and coupled with I've never even done anything like that... It's frightening, or I figure I'd just end up as a wall bug or something and be bored shitless.

I'll be 24 later this month. I've never had a girlfriend, never been kissed, never even been hugged...

I'm at rock bottom. I wonder why I'm still alive every day. I've tried and getting no where. I don't know wtf to do anymore...

dude

Dare I say something and I will try to help. I'm no expert but will do my best

1. I know for a fact that your mind does not know anything. it knows ONLY what you tell it. So, if you keep telling yourself, you are rock bottom. You will be rock bottom because that's what your mind reflects on your general state and psychological health.... so, keep telling yourself you are a fit, handsome, awesome, fun, cocky, confident guy and you will be one "eventually"..... will leave anything beyond this point to the experts.

2. generally, I would suggest that you find out what you usually do in your day-to-day life and then completely do the opposite... please don't chain yourself to your screen because you are an engineer.... I'm one too and I know what you are trying to say...

3. stuff to do:
A. fucken go to the gym ... you will meet more people, new people. go on a treadmill next to a girl who is doing a 10k programme on the treadmill and ask with the look on your face, how to run this machine... even if that sounds like an AFC ...just get yourself to talk to others

B. very important... use the FOFO rule which is "fuck-off and find out" ... find out what?? find out where girls roam most of the time and keep in mind places that you can talk to them... GO grocery shopping and when in the pasta section ask the girl who is picking her pasta which is the best one... and take it from there or even get the assistant girl to show you where the pasta is and ask her about her favorite one then choose a completely different one in front of her.

C. go to museums, art exbitions, theatres, walk in the street, walk in the park behind your house.

D. go take salsa lessons and then practice in clubs. good way to meet girls and trust me, after few times of going and you focusing on how to wiggle your hips and ass, girls would love it!! put an advert in your local newspaper asking for a dance parter... make sure you state it is a dance partner only to ensure you get replies!! I did it online in our local classified advert. not much replies but got couple which are now among my best friends.... not necessarily you have to have sex with them but start making friends....

E. go to play football or whatever you like .... to meet other guys who you can hang out with .... and have a chat and some friends...

hope this helps man and anything you need post or PM and I'll do my best...

It's really bad. I never made friends in college. Sure I knew people and talked to people of course, but I never learned how to turn "acquaintances" into "friends". I graduated and moved to Austin. I've never really "hung out", gone to parties, gone to bars or clubs or anything else. I've been here 9 months now and still don't know anyone.

I've gone to the gym a couple times. Seems like most people are off in their own little world with their iPods and crap.

Thought about doing dancing lessons. Only thing about taking dancing lessons is I pretty much have 2 left feet. Pretty uncoordinated with stuff like that and get dyslexic with directions.

It's just finding stuff to do is incredibly difficult. I've looked up shit to do that wouldn't be something like diving into a party (having SA combined with no one to go with and never been to any large social gatherings...). It's like, how to find people/places to do any sports or w/e? I haven't a clue.

dude. i really feel for you because I have hit rock bottom as well and could have said a lot of that stuff in your post. I've regressed to basically social isolation because I had one LTR after another. Now I don't know anyone, no social proof. I try to talk to girls in line at stores - that's my level right now. but jfzaki is so fuckin right - you'll stay at rock bottom as long as you say you're there. I'm all about irrational confidence right now.

The thing I observe, and this is for your benefit and mine, is that you and I both are making some excuses. I work out 6x a week. Girls notice me and I have yet to do anything about it - why? because I find excuses like 'she's listening to her ipod' or 'i'll come off like a perv since it's the gym'. so let's make a deal to stop making excuses. I believe we both need to work on inner game. that's where i'm at yo.

This is my first post, but it's a good post.

I used to be at rock bottom. Not many friends. Never talked to girls. Not much of social status. My nicknames: Fag, pimples, fatass.

Currently: Many friends. Talk to girls more than guys. Nearing top of the food chain (HS, mind you). I'm not made fun of for my sexuality, my acne (most of the time), or being fat. I feel alpha as fuck usually.

How I did it:
I went to my closet. I tossed everything I didn't like. I dressed like I've always wanted to. Buy clothes that you actually like. (seems like you did this)
Cowboy the f*ck up and talk to women.Women want to be talked to.Start low. Ask them for the time, simple questions, make small talk.

Improve yourself. Get a tan. Go to the goddamn gym, lift weights, and run. Join a sport, be it an adult soccer league, an MMA gym, or whatever. Be active. Meet people. Keep yourself clean, and looking professional and sharp. Wear contacts. Shave. etc etc etc. I got contacts, got a haircut,play football, wrestle, and lacrosse.


Flirt with women. When you see a cute girl at a coffee shop, when your picking up lunch, wherever, and you see she's interested, open up with something good. Be calm. Do not assess her; just conversate, and socialize. It's all about the flow. Realize that the world has an ebb and flow. Flow or die.

Basically, with women, or anyone, it's all about the appeal you throw out. Understand not every woman will be attracted to you. The "type" thing people talk about. It's very true. You will not often find a women who you are really attracted to, and not just "I wub you"


Sorry for my long-ass first post. I had to give out my advice somewhere.

Biggest issue is the whole "be active" and "meet people" part. I try to find shit to do and just can't find anything. Seriously. I've looked up all sorts of stuff to do can't find much at all. Since I'm done with school, it's a lot harder to find stuff.

I'm also the new guy at work (I was the ONLY person hired this year in the entire division at a big global computer corporation) and everyone I work with is old (40+) married and with kids. So can't really get much out of the workplace.

Also have no clue how to flirt or even know when a girl is interested. My experience with women has been severely limited and even then only on a professional and limited platonic level.

I already have a problem speaking (I'll forget words and stuff I was going to say like crazy and no this isn't an anxiety problem as it happens even with just talking to family) and crap so I'm usually focused more on what I'm saying than paying attention to body language.

From what I read you are at a perfect point to change, no one knows you there are no ties to how you used to be. You can create an entirely new life for yourself.

Don't worry about having the right thing to say to people, I used to be quite good at conversation but realized with charisma you can tlak about anything and people will be interested. So yar don't sweat it.

Body language is the same focus on it for a week then after that don't bother.

In terms of work chat to the old folks, they are people you can go for beers with ad socialize with. Hell they may even set you up with their daughters, when they clock you are a decent guy.

Also you are telling yourself you can't do things, that is never good. Instead tell yourself you can do these things you just haven't tried hard enough.

Finally do the things you like to do if you enjoy coking go to lessons, or swimming go to a pool, this is actually the secret to meeting people that you will get on better with, you already share a common interest and it is something you can do together and enjoy.

FInally watch teh film I Love you Man xxx

_________________
Troll the trolls
free book http://www.4shared.com/file/123140320/b ... ndows.html

If you don't see any change with your therapist you should go to another one, and keep doing that till you see some positive effects with a therapist, but don't forget that therapy is a slow process. Don't expect everything to change quickly, you'll have to stay patient and accept this as a reality.

Keep trying, and accept the fact that it will take lots of time and courage.

hey mate!

firstly, you can't say you don't socialize...what your doing now is socializing, think about it, ur sharing with people...we are all with you...mit not be in person but you have people here who are willing to help, whats that if its not friendship?

If your at rock bottom, only way is up now! ur in the ideal position to create the new you, whoever YOU want to be.

When your thinking of things you want to do and can't find any out there, why not make an event? invite people.

I want to help you mate coz you seem like someone who really wants to change, already you have people on here wanting to help you...this must make your enderring to us, so if you can convey that online...you sure as hell can do it in real life.

Few things to do I reckon will help you:

- keep going to the gym, if for nothing but ur own self confidence. I see AFC's get approach anxiety about just asking to use the weights when people are done, if you ask that...u've dodged your first AA.

- Read: Neil Strauss 'The Game', Richard La Ruina 'The natural art of seduction' and books on body language.

- Try playing yourself self confidence tapes...I laughed when I heard that but it works!

- Say hi to people as you pass them in the street, man,women,child...dogs ..yeh I said dogs. the more you get funny looks, different reactions etc, u will stop caring what people think.

- Send out a note on the intro page here for people who are in your area to sarge with.

- Watch Mystery's Pick up artist (seeing is believing!)

- Peacock, if your shy, wear something which will make people talk to you, a feather boa? a belt with words that scroll accross LED (ebay baby! lol)

Don't worry about what you say, its how you say it. If you struggle with words try seeing a specialist or research breathing exercises.

Remember, you might not be top of the game now, but when a baby is learning to walk, when it falls over ...we don't look at the baby and so...shit! just not meant to walk, no, we pick the kid back up and help em try again until the get it! so get your boots on and get walking, we will all be here to pick you up when you fall mate

In my opinion this is by far the best way forwards for you.

People here want to help you, get in touch with some people in your area, you will make friends. From there you'll have people to go out with who are actively socialising, you'll meet new people and many many girls sarging with anyone you meet up with here.

From there, you'll build yourself a great new social life, build confidence, learn and change rapidly.

_________________
Carpe Diem

Unfortunately, almost all the people I work with are homebodies. There's been a few times someone in the department (or manager) tried to setup after work get together at a bar or something. Not many people went. Most of them are middle age and up, family, and kids in middle school or high school.

I've really worked on how I present myself and body language. I was typical hands in pockets, head down, slouched, etc person. I've forced myself to do a lot of the stuff that's in the one thread on here. It's slowly becoming 2nd nature and feeling more natural.

As far as speaking goes, It's mostly explaining, or telling stories or whatever. Case in point, I was trying to explain something to coworker this week (on shit I have intimate knowledge on). I have to really think of how to say things. My coworker was like "Verbs, we need verbs!" lol. Because of that I'm pretty much oblivious to what other people are doing during periods like that.

I've been meaning to read/watch some of that stuff. I have those books downloaded but haven't had a chance to read them yet. Been absorbed in another novel series. I'm out of books SPAM, so I might just tackle them finally.

Therapist has been helping, but honestly, there's only so much they can do. She's helped me learn to handle some of my anxiety, so that's getting better at least.

@ The other stuff mentioned. This will probably sound like making excuses/whining/whatever... But anyways. After I moved during high school, I pretty much became unsociable and a shut in. All I did was play video games. I really don't know what the hell people go out and do for fun. Was mentioned trying to make an event and inviting people. Don't really know anyone and hell most of the time I'm bored myself.

I've looked and looked and looked for shit to do that wouldn't be totally death by anxiety inducing. Just can't find anything. It's extremely frustrating. I've heard people talk sometimes and stuff my therapist says, and I'm like "how the fuck you find this shit???". I know it takes time, but damn. It's like finding a needle in a hay stack and is severely demotivating.

I've taken baby steps so far like improve my body language and improve my image. Got new clothes, designer frames (can't wear contacts), and actually went to hair salon instead of 5$ barber cut. Been making an effort to say good morning, have a good day, how's it going and stuff to people at work. I need to try to start just saying hi and stuff to random people like in the newbie challenge on here. I know it will be slow, but it gets incredibly demotivating for stuff like above and how little progress I've actually made. And then with like my birthday in less than 2 weeks and knowing it will just be another day... Gets depressing.

Not like I'm a creep, hideously ugly or anything. Sucks it's so difficult to have anything remotely close to a normal life.

To be honest mate, sounds like you've made a big improvement already...you've taken it on your own to change your image, your saying hello, your seeing a therapist...your doing more than some people already

Definetly read those books, also get mystery's pick artist tv series. The guys on there are shocking ... at the start! then they progress. Now they are confident and brave. Some had speech problems but now through being confident talking to people...they are all clear!

Always talk to your people at work, ask them for ideas, ask them round for a night at your place of drinks, games (twister lol) and a laugh. Tell them they can brings friends, partners etc, networking widens ur social circle, which casts a wider net out over the people you know and the right girl mit be in the next circle!

Go to bars, starbucks anything and ask people whats the best things to do round there coz your new to town.

What are your hobbies? maybe someone on here can give you ideas how to find it, set a group up or anything really. Are you good at any sports? do you want to learn any martial arts (great for confidence).

I like the fact you've already done alot, but your thinking so hard about the long journey ahead that your ignoring the transformation you've already made. If you plan a route and walk there, no matter how slow you walk, you will still get there! If you need inspiration on success....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Z5OookwOoY
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WyqfQREj3UE

Set yourself a goal, work towards it, so you can plan your route step by step. Hope this helps bro

Rock bottom is the point where you say "I need to either change or die. Those are my only 2 options."

Hitting rock bottom is the most useful tool for improvement. I don't think you're there yet, though. If you were at rock bottom, you would have desperately read every PUA text you had in one sitting as soon as you bought them.

For a lot of guys, a lot of "psychological issues" fix themselves if they just get laid. If you think you are one of these cases, then you're in the right place. We can help you get laid and more, but we can't replace your therapist if you have real problems that need to be addressed by psychiatric methods.

Talk to us again after you've tried out some stuff like the Newbie Mission and whatever tips & tricks you learn from here, and we'll see where to go from there.

Just an idea on your trouble with forgetting words - try and speak more slowly, calmly and deliberately, with a lower voice. A lot of people speak too fast and so their brain can't catch up with what they're saying and they start forgetting words or usually just chatting pointless shit. If you speak more slowly you have more time to actually think about what you're saying, and what you do say will seem to have a much greater import.

watch this guy if you havn't already// dr. Sabonqui on the "men's room",,, good show and a clever guy.
Ep 14-1 'Dr. Amir Sabonqui'- Building a Strong Social Circle << type that in to youtube
he helped me heaps!