after building attraction with this girl, i then changed the tone to comfort.
I was using the two steps forward one step backwards constantly throughout.

Then she really opened up to me, she started crying and told me how she was sexually abused as a child by a family member and i was the only person she had ever told, not even her parents know about it.

I told her that it was good to tell someone and that crying is also good and hugged her , just the typical AFC stuff.

After the crying subsided i asked if she felt better after telling me and she said she still felt the same. I just wish i had known the right things to say or the right routines to make her feel better.

I researched it and i think the best one is the one i saw by BadBoy. Loosely paraphrased:

" 28000 days is all the time you have on this planet and we've already used some of that. The past is just a few pictures and a few sounds, just a few molecules in your brain. The future is gift, a gift of 24 hours that we have each day and for some people tomorrow never comes. So all we have is the present , the here and now , this moment , so forget the past and enjoy life as it is right now."

Any advice would be greatly appreciated and people reading this post will also be armed for the this kind of situation.

-Tembo[/b]

that same thing happened to my m8 his gf had 2 older brothers that sexually molested her for a good 5 years every week, this obvuisly means she trusts you if she aint told noone. but what is the question your asking? i dont fully understand

Uhm, that is not an afc-setback. You need to know that this type of conversations is something that will appear in a relationship.

All though, why not relate it to personal experience and thoughts of wisdom. Sharing these moments is a lot better then simply saying "I understand, I understand".

That's my take on it.
Have fun,
Exerio

I want people to post replies on how to deal with this situation in case someone tells them something like that. Are there any powerful Comfort routines or something for these situations??

I would have related with her using personal experience but nothing of that magnitude ever happened to me. As members of this community we should be able to comfort women in any situation and i just felt so useless.

More than anything, its the fact that when i asked if she felt any different after telling me she said she still fetlt the same as before. I just wish i could have somehow changed her emotions and her general outlook on the experience.


ANY IDEAS????

You try to comfort her in the best way possible ? And tell her it's a good thing she shared it with you because it will get better. I guess you should take it seriously when she's really opening up to you, but keep it positive from your side.

Sorry to take this up on your thread, but I also have something urgent I want to get opinions on,didn't wanna make a new thread...
If they ask you (or txt,in my case) if your the type that has a thing going on with 10 different girls at the same time, what is the best answer? Can you go cocky/funny, or act like the good guy? I came up with "of course not, why would you think that".

Whenever someone asks me: "What would you change about your past?"

I answer: "Nothing, because the good and bad things that happened to me, made what I am right now."

Your present is the reflection of your past. Every thing that happened to you made what you are right now. I think that is a really good advice.

Anyway, many times when a woman talks about their problems and feelings they aren't asking for an advice, they just want you to listen.

In the other hand you have a strong connection with her, just keep the kino and you will have a really good relationship or whatever you are looking for.

_________________


My website: www.pualife.webs.com

New TWITTER account: http://twitter.com/xfman1

Facebook: xf_pua@hotmail.com

Whenever someone asks me: "What would you change about your past?"

I answer: "Nothing, because the good and bad things that happened to me, made what I am right now."

Your present is the reflection of your past. Every thing that happened to you made what you are right now. I think that is a really good advice.

Anyway, many times when a woman talks about their problems and feelings they aren't asking for an advice, they just want you to listen.

In the other hand you have a strong connection with her, just keep the kino and you will have a really good relationship or whatever you are looking for.

_________________


My website: www.pualife.webs.com

New TWITTER account: http://twitter.com/xfman1

Facebook: xf_pua@hotmail.com

Really good post. I like that.

Yo Tembo,

You walk a very thin line brother. It's good that you're there to comfort her and make her feel OK. However, you also risk being seen as Dr. Phil, and she'll subconsciously frame you as someone she can whine to, but nothing more. Also she'll associate bad feelings with you, even though you are the one who talks her out of them. Play this one right. Of course you need to make sure she's ok and stable, then you can lay down your game plan.

My suggestion is that before it gets any worse you get her mind out of whatever is bothering her. Point her in the right direction of DIRECTLY solving her problems, then suggest some sort of activity to get her to relax. Since you are already building rapport with this girl, express interest in her. Do this whole thing while going KINO. For example you can be holding her from behind and then you say something like "I really appreciate you opening up to me about ___ . I feel really bad that you went through this and I just really want you to feel good..." Then kiss close. (notice how I typed '"i feel really bad" and not "i'm sorry" because you have nothing to be sorry about, nothing is your fault, as a matter of fact you're doing her a favor of giving her a real life experience with a PUA...)

Anyway dude, you walk a fine line but I trust you'll play your cards right and rescue the princess AND take her out! LOL

wow this is hard.. not much routines one can use here..

the only thing I can think of is, take kino very slowly, like a constant day game. even sleep while her while doing kino and making out, but just only that for a while.

again, I tell u this, but me being in ur position I wouldnt know what to do.. rape is the worst thing a woman can live.. be cautious with ur escalation


-Achilles

_________________
Current Level: [PUA]

--POSSUNT QUIA POSSE VIDENTUR--
They can because they think they can

I had a similar situation with my ex, she was raped by her step-dad when she was pretty young. Looking back I recognize that comfort was very important to her before she opened up to me physically. However, escalation is still important, you probably just want to take it slower.

<p>And if she's opened up to you like this I would take it as a good sign simply because she's trusting you - okay now escalate. If you don't continue to escalate you will become her therapist friend that she cries to - not what you want. Her therapist friend who once you step into that frame I don't think much could pull you out, because she won't want to mess that up.

_________________
"Send me a red-head,
Send me a brunette,
Send a blonde to me.
When I unwind, I'm colorblind,
They're all the same to me."

I had a similar situation with my ex, she was raped by her step-dad when she was pretty young. Looking back I recognize that comfort was very important to her before she opened up to me physically. However, escalation is still important, you probably just want to take it slower.

<p>And if she's opened up to you like this I would take it as a good sign simply because she's trusting you - okay now escalate. If you don't continue to escalate you will become her therapist friend that she cries to - not what you want. Her therapist friend who once you step into that frame I don't think much could pull you out, because she won't want to mess that up.

_________________
"Send me a red-head,
Send me a brunette,
Send a blonde to me.
When I unwind, I'm colorblind,
They're all the same to me."