Hello pals ! Need help with a few issues my wing and I discovered on a club mission last night. My wing claims i'm absolutely confident and my openers are spot on, but once I open I tend to linger on the opener for too long, and I lose my confidence quite visibly while fishing for the next thing to say. I opened 2 sets, single sets, and even 3 sets...same problem kept creeping up, once I opened I was blown out...I just COULDNT seem to engage the HBs emotionally. Hmm.

So here's what I think might have worked...but they didnt work unfortunately. please comment and criticise the shite out of this, I'm only here to improve and get better.

1. Maybe I should have a mental map of opening, building attraction and then closing, rehearse this format mentally before approaching a set so that I have some kind of purpose. UNFORTUNATELY, my wing did comment that I ended up approaching with an agenda. He said he could notice this quite visibly, so I imagine the HBs must have picked on this.

2. I need to find a way to transition smoothly from one conversation topic to another. My wing said that I was just throwing openers and material with no sense of connection or logic. I knew this when I was running the material, unfortunately, its hard to think rationally when I'm having to run so many other things through my mind at the same time...e.g. body language, confidence, displaying value, having enthusiasm. Its INCREDIBLY difficult to multitask all of these and at the same time deliver a smooth pickup.

3. I know its important to be in the right frame of mind. I entered the set with a strong frame "i'm confident, i'm displaying strong body language, my pickup is flawless"....but here's the problem. My biggest problem actually according to my wing. I speak too fast and incomprehensibly. Ouch, I know ! But a handful of sets I opened either couldnt hear me despite my booming voice in a loud club, or they couldnt UNDERSTAND me (thick scottish accent wahey, and this is a pickup in singapore, but they understand and speak english so no language barrier). The PROBLEM is, I go in with extremely HIGH energy levels, this causes me to speak really fast. If I go in calm and confident, I'm absolutely paralysed and unable to run any material, I need that buzz, that confidence, but its also affecting my performance. Sometimes I think my confidence makes me seem too alpha.

4. Also due to having to deal with all the above, unfortunately I can't find the opportunity to throw in a bit of kino and time constraint and eye contact. There's just too many things to deal, and when I get blown out of sets...ahh its just demoralising man !!!

COMMENTS COMMENTS COMMENTS

Rgds

injektilo

I forgot to mention that I have absolutely no problem in walking up to girls and starting random conversations, my main sticking point is creating deep binding rapport with the target(s), vibing and eventually nailing an effective close built upon emotional connection....I find that just chit chatting up women and getting phone numbers does absolutely nothing, more often than not its a flake in the making. This is why I attempted to follow a streamlined format : open, attract, build comfort, close...but I find it just completely unnatural and as a result find myself being stuck at the "opener" and being unable to progress...this has never happened to me when I used to go "natural". The problem is going "natural" alone is not enough for me to create a deep emotional connection with the target...ok comments please !!

rgds

injektilo

Another important note. When I say that the format of "open, attract, build comfort, close" feels "unnatural", what I mean is i'm using routines to fulfill these different stages. Running these routines feels "unnatural".

rgds

imran

I'm hoping you get answers on this. Looks like you are genuenly trying and there is nothing better then to help a guy like you.

That being said, reading your posts, there is one or two things that came to my mind. 1st off, confident state and fast talking will come off as incongruent. You must align everything in your personality to be confident if that's what you want to project. If not, it will apear fake or rather girls will sense a something is off from you. The second is regarding your material. Don't rely too much on it. It's good for opening, but afterwards don't hesitate to do some fluff talk inbetween some routines. This will create opportunities for you to tease or neg the target, qualify her and even kino her (high 5 to cool stuff she does or says). In the fluff talk insert some nice stories about you (you are a scott in Singapour for crist sake, you must have something interesting to tell! :) )

I hope others will coment as well.

Cheers!

_________________
Drink me, make me feel real
Wet your beak in the stream
Game we're playing is life
Love is a two way dream

Hi mate thanks for your reply. So I went out last night and consciously slowed down my speech while maintaning confident body language...it worked like a charm. I carefully enunciated my words, placing emphasis on certain phrases, I was immediately getting much better responses. One thing my wing noticed though....was that I tended to be too rapport-seeking. I admit I still have to work on calibrating my energy levels while engaging a set. I tend to go in full guns blazing, this time with a consciously slowed down, coherent speaking style. What suggestions do you have for me to beef up my value by not coming across as actively seeking responses from the target(s). One suggestion I was given was to act cool and uninterested, coupled with body rocking. For example, I engage the target with a "hi how are you", full eye contact, smiling, displaying interest. After that I body rock away from her, cast my eyes briefly someplace else...and then engage her again....then disengage. What do you think about this ?

Thanks

injektilo

Update. Tonight I went out with the intention of calibrating my energy levels when opening a set, and appearing calm, cool and disinterested whilst engaging a set. I did this by consciously practising to be in my own "headspace" when I wasn't engaging anyone. I would sit on the couch with my arms and legs spead out (confident body language) and just happily sit there enjoying the music, the club decor (there were some really interesting artifacts in there), and just appearing peaceful, contented and enjoying my presence there. I would do random things like take a drink from a target, then pass it to my wing telling him thats the drink he ordered, then look confusingly at the target, then at the drink, and then returning the drink to the target with a playful, cheeky smile. Worked like a charm. Some positive outcomes of tonight : got a free drink from the bargirl, got a HB8 to follow me wordlessly out of the club...i had engaged her previously then completely ignored her, she just saw me leaving and followed me without as much as a single gesture from me.

I tried practising engaging a target, then disengaging by focusing my attention elsewhere very briefly then returning my attention back to the target. I'd give the target strong eye contact while she was explaining something, then focus on something else, then returning the eye contact. In one situation, I noticed despite me breaking eye contact with the target, the target kept her eye contact with me throughout the conversation (a good bloody 10mins of her explaining her work experience in California). Essentially I didnt want to appear too "keen" on what she was saying, I was acknowledging random phrases here and there, while keeping myself chilled, unreactive and not expecting any outcome whatsoever.

This whole being in your own "headspace" lark does have its issues though. For instance, my wing pointed out that I was oblivious to extremely clear IOIs I was receiving in the club, once case being a group of 4 HB8s sitting on a couch next to me, trying to get my attention by smiling directly at me and craning their necks forward expecting me to engage them...i was too busy checking out a painting behind them. Hmm. Maybe a little too much of the headspace thing ?

Also I found myself opening less sets, usually i'd be hunting down sets like a predator and engaging them full on. Although...tonight was all about calibration. I need to find a break even point within which I could tap into my energy levels to engage a set with enthusiasm and wit, while at the same time "leaning back" and creating a "push" effect to stop myself from appearing too rapport-seeking. Too much of a "push" effect and I fear I may not be communicating enough interest to the target and eventually "push" her away. Too much "pull" by going in confident, predatorial...and I convey neediness, reactive-seeking-ness, and blow myself out of the set. Much work needs to be done.

rgds

injektilo