| When I think back to the first time I met this girl, I can still trace the feeling of uneasiness back to the first moment she started flirting with me.
Several instances later when we re-met at a party, caught up, individually, and went on 2 or 3 dates together, and slept together twice, there was that feeling, and it was always growing till I couldn't ignore it.
Now I know what it is and I know if I ever feel it again in the beginning to keep this girl in the friend zone.
But I didn't understand this feeling. She turned me on physically, she liked to get out and do some dancing and socialising, so lots of ticks in the boxes and yet I felt so odd about her. I didn't contact her for one week straight (you can imagine how much that hurt her), I was never fully committed to our physical interactions, and not once did I like the idea of parading her around my friends and family like I have with other girls. WHY NOT? I kept asking myself. But I couldn't answer it. It even went as far as me setting up a dinner with friends and not including her in the invitation list!
So I had lots of logical reasons to stick with her... but I didn't feel like I wanted to. Some times I even wanted to just help her, cause I saw myself from some time ago in her. I could tell she was lonely, sex starved, and just looking for some companionship. Not sure how, I just could. This made me feel like she was liking me cause I said yes when she asked me out, and not cause she's been out with a few guys and I was the one she liked MOST. But that was only part of the reason, I feel. Basically the dynamic wasn't there. In fact, just to rub it in my face and make it clear as day, fate intervened and threw one of "my kind of girls" at me, while I was already out with this girl. This woman came over to us, she was newly married, but we were joking and laughing INSTANTLY. In fact when I saw this woman from across the room, I instantly knew that she was the kind of female I should be hitting on. It was just a gut feeling. And I also know that it's "my kind of female" because I know not every guy would rate this other woman as highly as I do, in terms of appearance - it's a look that appeals mostly to me. And then I was reminded of so many other girls that are in my life and have been in my life, and how things just seem to "work" and we have fun. It's the chemistry.
So coming back to this girl I should have kept in the friend zone - I didn't understand it was the "chemistry" that I was feeling (or lack thereof) till it was too late. Not till I dated her and had slept with her a few times. For me it was exploring, trying to see if it could work, for her it was bonding... and I could see that, she was saying more and more things, that were obviously to illicit a more boyfriend response from me, and tonight I couldn't take it anymore - I actually didn't want to stay the night, and that's when I told her things. I told her it was a lack of chemistry, I told her to not take it personally for that reason, because she has a lot going for her, and that I know she thinks she doesn't.
She has cried all night, I know she feels used, and she feels inadequacy, and I told her that I know she feels these things right now, and not to feel that way, even though I know the words won't stop her. Because I do care about her and that's even part of the reason I dated her, because I wanted her to feel good, because I thought she deserved the chance to get out there and get some more experience, because she's got so many good things about her.
The bottom line is, that feeling I felt in the beginning is my signal to keep this girl in the friend zone, that is the way to have a good time with her and make her feel good about herself.
By dating and having sex with her, all I've done is destroy any chance of her benefiting from my social circle, because she will never be able to bear the pain of showing up at any of my social events, which she would benefit from, because she would see me with another girl. If I kept her in the friend zone, she might've felt a bit jealous and a bit inadequate when she saw me with someone else, but she still would have been able to continue showing up.
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