I have been exclusive with the same girl for 8 years (married for the last 4 years). I am still attracted to her but not as much as I used to be. The advice that people usually give is to try new things to spice up your sex life but I think this will only get you so far.

I think girls are like ice cream and my wife is my favorite flavor of ice cream, vanilla. I can do all kinds of things with vanilla ice cream; put hot fudge on it, strawberries, make a milkshake, etc. But can I eat ONLY vanilla ice cream until I'm 80? Will I even like middle-aged vanilla ice cream, senior vanilla ice cream? I've done lots of different things with my vanilla ice cream over the past 8 years but I'm wanting to try different flavors of ice cream more and more.

I'm sure I am not the only one with this problem. What are your thoughts guys?

I'm 20 and single, but you and I think very much alike. I have the same fears and perspectives that you do in terms of monogamous relationships, and I also see women as ice cream lol

Have you tried bringing up threesomes?

I got married at 26 and am now 30. We've been together exclusively since we were 21.

I don't know about threesomes. With a threesome I'd get to F another girl, but my wife would also be watching me do it. That visual could give her serious regrets and I might be feeling guilty/wierd about it right in the middle of the act. I brought up the idea of a "free pass" every once in a while recently. That didn't go over too well. I see the "free pass" as a purely physical thing that I'd want to do with a complete stranger but she thinks sex should only be reserved for someone you have a strong emotional connection with or something. I don't think I'd want a free pass with someone I know (i.e. a friend). That could get complicated, possibly end our relationship or ruin friendships. Also, if I got a free pass, wouldn't I need to give my wife one as well? I don't think I want to do that.

Both of these would only be temporary solutions anyway because we'll have kids soon and we can't be doing this kind of stuff when we have kids. It would risk breaking up the family not to mention setting a bad example.

Tough situation that i imagine a lot of people find themselves in. Lets face it, your wife has probably thought about the same thing as well, its only natural i guess - that feeling that you could be missing out on so much with other people.

However, although im currently against the idea of marriage at this stage in my life, something an old friend of mine said to me a while back got me thinking about this very situation.

He (34yo), was talking about some of his recent relationships that had been and gone and i made the comment that, it must be nice to be hsi age and get so many women. Of course, he agreed intially but then when he got thinking he said - but as each failed relationship comes and goes, i start thinking that some of the girls ive been out with, i would have loved to of spent my life with, but for the very reason that i didnt want to settle down to soon, i ended up losing them.

I suppose the point im trying to make is that although there are lots of people out there that you'd love to get with, there are probably very few who you'd be willing to spend the rest of your life with. And although you could be missing out on lots of great sex with other people - imagine what you'd be missing out on if your marriage does last and you do have great kids. I mean, essentially that is what life is all about. Besides, just think about when your 50/60 odd and suddenly girls arnt coming round as much as they used to - suddenly the whole single lifestyle doesnt sound so great.

relationships only work when both sides do their part.

after becoming a pua i've found 2 issues with being in a relationship:

(a) pua knowledge is powerful, and makes you an excellent lover, but creates an unrealistic expectation that the girl you are with will do her part as well.

(b) knowing you can get almost any girl and being able to spot opportunities will cause greater temptation and attraction to other girls.

i think the best way to deal with these issues is the following:

dealing with issue (a):
the average girl you have a relationship with is not going to have the technical understanding of relationships that you do. so i think it's important to have open communication with her. while you as a pua probably do your part to mix things up and keep it exciting for her, she has to do the same for you, or you will get bored. i suggest explaining this to her in a confident and sincere way (qualification). then just sit back and see what she starts doing to spice things up


dealing with issue (b):
focus on the things that attracted you to your gf in the first place. also, focus on the feelings you felt before you hooked your gf. think about how much you want her, and how lucky you are to have her. i know this goes against a lot of PUA thought processes, but i think it's necessary to maintain a relationship. let your inner AFC come out just a lil bit and balance it with the PUA.

life is all about your perspective. is the glass half full or half empty? if you view your relationship as half empty, then imagine your gf cheats on you and breaks up with you the next day. i bet in this situation, you'll picture the relationship as half full, and you'd feel a lot of regret for not appreciating what you had.

therefore, appreciate what you have, and respect the lady you chose to be with! if this just won't happen despite your best efforts, then your heart just isn't in it. In that situation, i think you know what the best option is

I was and I guess still am in the same situation as you...I am with a woman who I love! and I would never ever cheat but its like I might the right woman at the wrong time. The thing is if I was to break up with her and loose her forever I really dont feel like I would find another person who I want to share the rest of my life with...there are lots of good looking women out there but it is very very rare to find a women who shares the same views on life as you.

The grass is always greener on the other side...I mean cant you remember when you were a pua and although you had fun picking up and sleeping with randoms in the back of your mind you thought how amazing it would be to find a gf who you loved?

At the end of the day sex is just sex as weird as that sounds...but if you find a women who suports you, stand by your side no matter what, and is your best friend than hold on to her! I cant tell you how many women I have dated who were beautiful but just didnt share the same views on life...the sex was great but there was nothing eles there.