Ok guys I'm gonna try and make it as short as I can, been in the game for a while had my share of success yadda yadda yadda but now I'm in a almost 2 year long relationship and I can't get my head wrapped around what to do.

So she has a past, who doesn't have a past right, great but the problem is that her past has a way of rearing its ugly head in our lives and I'm really at a cross roads here I do genuinely care for the girl but I've gotten to the point where I feel as if its cheapened our relationship.

The issue for me right now isn't really Jealousy of her past lovers its the fact that I've been privy to far more details of her escapades than I would like to know. While I could shrug off the occasional slip up or stupid comment by people that "knew" her Its when I came face to face with a detailed list of her sexual experiences. This fucking thing had every name of every guys shes ever kissed and kept track of more disturbing details of how far they've gotten from kissing to anal if you will. This was a huge hit for me to take. I knew the list existed but I've managed to never look at it until one day I did. I knew she was no angel like I said but before the list I was always able to tell myself my imagination is worse than reality. I was in a really shitty place for about 2 weeks but it got better, it still rots at me sometimes but it got better.


Two months went by, we recently moved to California together and she just left for a month long vacation. I was looking for a lighter and in one of hate unpacked boxes I noticed a cup full of used condom wrappers with names of the people shes used them with, mine included. This just broke me down back to square 0. There is also an issue of a number of pictures she has of her past lovers. I really don't know how to deal with this any insight is appreciated.

I've been wracking myself on how to go about handling myself, like I said I'm a wreck right now call me a crybaby or immature I don't care it hurts none the less. I want to believe that peoples past is their past but at the same time having gotten to know so much of it unwittingly I'm just pissed off, anxious, hurt and my gut is telling me to just throw in the towel. I know I don't want to break up with her cause of this, It would be stupid this girl has been through a lot with me, and shes done almost everything she could to be an otherwise outstanding g/f. But I can't help but be disgusted in some way. I'm afraid I'll never see her the same way again.

It all depends....If she was a whore before? I mean like slept with 50 plus dudes? then that could be problem because it could mean she has low self worth and control issues...but this is not always the case. To be honest it is rare to find a girl over the age of 18 these days who has not selpt with atleast 10 dudes...given a couple blow jobs, and been fucked in the ass before. Women in the 21st centery are wild and 99% of our gfs have had another dick in their mouths....its the brutal truth and I dont like to think about my gf taking it in the ass or giving a guy head...your not alone my friend and my best advice is to forget about it and dont let it bother you.

Do you love her? does she love you? ok then problem solved! as long as shes not cheating or has an std you are gold! Trying to find a virgin in the 21st centery is like trying to dry your self off in a pool...not gunna happen lol took me a while to realize this too.

yeah she keeps insisting on having atleast one picture of every guy shes slept with I told her I cant accept that got into a huge fight last nite, at this point she asked me to give her some time to think about it and we can work this out after she comes back from the vacation which i figure is fair enough.

To be honest I'm not really sure why I have an issue with her need to keep some sort of record of her past lovers but it just strikes me as a bit bizzare for a lack of a better word. Am I out of line here ? I know its got something to do with her not knowing who her dad is, but I really feel that this is not a healthy way to deal with the dad issue.

wo wo wo wo lol fuck that! she keeps pics? If she doesnt realize why this bothers you then she has issues! you need to stand up to her or ditch her! my gf doesnt even like talking about her ex's or guys she has dated, and I dont talk about mine around her. Fuck man I know my gf has been with other dudes im not stupid but she doesnt keep pics of them lol If she did I wouldnt be with her.

It sounds as if she likes keeping mementos of past conquests, a 'power trip' sort of thing. Keeping used condom wrappers with the names of the guys she's used them with just sounds bizarre!! You have been together for 2 years so you obviously love her, but you don't have to put up with it. Tell her you don't like it and won't tolerate it... it will sort itself out for better or worse.

Just out of interest, has she cheated on you on do you have a strong suspicion she has cheated on you during the relationship?

Thanks for taking the time to respong:

As far as I know shes never cheated on me. I did have a slip up however with her hair dresser. Never actually cheated but she did find msg's on my myspace that me and the other girl had sent to each other.

So just found out today that shes changed her facebook password. She said its because she found out I was taking to her friends. Which is true when I found hte condom wrappers I asked somebody if they knew the person because the condom only had a nickname on it. For now I haven't really pressed the issue.

I dunno I guess I just keep thinking that things don't add up, maybe I'm just paranoid I dunno. Just a lot to deal with.

post the list

MrVandal you are over-reacting. So is everyone else saying that she has issues for wanting to keep mementos.

I might describe myself as the male version of her. There is no fucking way I'm going to trawl through my hard drive and delete every last photo after breaking up with each girl, and copy all my back up CDs, minus their photos and destroy the original CDs. Come on. I keep mementos of my previous girls, they are good memories. I even have a box containing all my previous love letters and trinkets given to me by girls. I don't put them on display because I know it can be confronting, but I don't cater for people who want to trawl through my private memories without permission.

Keeping the names on the condom wrappers for each guy means she treasures their first sexual experience, which means sex is a really special experience for her. This should excite you because it means it's not a trivial experience for her - you can take her amazing places through your sex life.

Forcing her to delete all physical records of her previous special people in her life is controlling and makes you look like you feel inferior to them. My advice to you is that this is the root of your problem. You feel like you are being compared to them. Fact is, they always existed in her past, and just because you know about them now, doesn't change anything.

Think about all the previous girls in your life - you have good memories with them, there are things you still like about them? Try to understand that someone like me, and your gf, cherishes those memories and feels that they will not fade and be forgotten forever if there is some physical reminder. We like our precious memories and don't react kindly to someone who wants to deliberately dive in and remove them - the goal here seems to be to erase her mind so that you are the only thing that exists and she has nothing to compare you to.

We know that seeing information about past partners can be confronting to the current partner, that's why these mementos are usually well hidden, and not on display.

The only thing wrong here is that you are not dealing with this. You only have 2 choices - learn to accept that she has good memories of her past guys and just judge her purely on the way she treats you right now, or accept that you can't help finding out everything you can about her past lovers even if it means digging through her private files/diaries and logging in with her facebook account to talk to her own friends behind her back, then feeling inferior when you inevitably do discover she has had sexual experiences before you arrived, while flirting behind her back with her hair dresser, and so will have to keep jumping from girl to girl till you find a virgin with no past, totally faithful, and understanding enough to stay with you after you almost cheat on her.

Hey conker, thanks for the honest advice. I think you definitely make a very valid point.

depends how many used condom wrappers with names are prestent in that box

not 50 wrappers i hope

No way fuck that! I dont think this is the kind of women you want to be with....If she knows it bothers you then she should get ride of them and not be selfish which is what she is being.

The wrappers are gone, so is the "list". She made absolutely no objection to me throwing the wrappers out what so ever. The picture thing I still dont have a fucking clue I mean at this point I know shes got pictures of every single of em. She doesn't throw them in my face what so ever and she promised to get rid of all "unacceptable" pictures. But the more I think about it the more confused I get myself. What about her friends on Facebook. I know a bunch of them that she did fuck, do I tell her to remove her friends now too, I mean it just seems like this is a never ending fight. And I guess it all just stems about my own insecurities. I've only fuck closed 15 girls in my life (thats including her). Her number is 22 I believe. Like I said I'm pretty sure that I just find her sexual past threatening simply because I feel like shes got to experienced more. Is that so wrong of me though ? Man where is Zip when I need her.

So the pictures are out of sight, and are not a problem. Facebook should be even less of a problem, since it goes without saying that you are not going to ask someone to sever all contact with anyone they've had any sexual experience with - because that's a hot steaming cup of possessive jealous boyfriend right there.

It's good that you've realised this is all internal, and it's all about your insecurities. Dude, as experienced as I am with women, I've actually f closed less women than you, and I go into a relationship expecting they have had more partners than I have - It's a thought I'm used to. I don't care - because until she's met me, she doesn't know what fun in bed is.

As for a lot of the replies in this thread - the PUA community makes it easy for people to get a "ditch that bitch!" attitude far earlier than is necessary - you don't find your dream girl by being an arsehole. If you wanna keep ditching them till you find a completely subserviant, pathetic woman, go for it, but you will never get that perfect 10.



Anyway, back to your attitude. You have to spend time alone thinking about your situation, and your attitude towards it. You have to find your own way that makes you feel good about this situation. Mine is that I know, that by sheer probability, it's unlikely that any girl I meet will have been with a guy that has half a clue how to treat her, in and out of the bed, because of all the effort I put into this area of my life, as you probably also do, just by being on this forum.

So I advise going away and having a think. Part of this should be how much she means to you. And then come back here and let us know your progress.

First off, thank you sincerely Conker.

While Mr. Vandal did a decent job with his point of view on this situation, I feel it's my right to at least express my side.

When Mr V and I met we were both introduced to each other as the our own counter part and warned not to date each other by our friends. I placed him on the back burner in part because of the Pick Up Artist thing he was following at the time (btw these approaches only work on girls that don't know about it). Once he got his fc we indicated to each other about our "wild" past, Mr Vandal told me a larger number initially, surpassing my 22.

Summary of the relationship:
1st month: Mr V gets drunk while I'm at my best friends house and text messages his past fc's that he wants to cheat on me. I find him at home, passed out, with the phone in his hand. I forgave him.

Month 1, 2, 4 and 13: Mr V gets so drunk that he beats the shit out of me. I forgave him each time. And got a restraining order against domestic violence.

Month 6: Mr V texts my hair dresser that he wants to fuck her and will do so on his lunch break. After an initial kicking out... I forgave him.

Month 1-present: No job, no car (drives his dad's), no money and in debt about $25,000. I take care of him.

4 months ago to now: Goes thru my computer and finds my list and my pics (I would never keep those things out) gets pissed off and calls me a whore 14 times. Has spent the last four months randomly getting pissed off and starting a fights and being a complete asshole.


Update: During my vacation I went back home and ran into my ex who was even more annoying and I decided to throw everything out because it was a reminder that while the memories I had were good, they were over shadowing the reason why I was no longer with these people. Mr V says he's "working" on not letting my past bother him anymore.


Now I ask you, is that fair? Beaten, cheated on (I consider doing anything you wouldn't want you partner to do you as cheating) after supporting him in his hour of need to scolded on past behaviors before I met him that he did himself? Shouldn't I be the one that breaks up with him for his antics?

Girls aren't whores that do what you wish you could. PUA was developed to give you the same advantages the women have, the ability to not think with your reproductive organs and fuck up a basic conversation.

So true - and reading your side of the story really explains his insanely jealous post to begin with.

I could not believe someone could be so damn jealous without some weird side effects, but I gave him the benefit of the doubt and helped out anyway.

If I sound a little negative - well any man who can bring themselves to intentionally injure a woman, is barely human in my mind. Monster, not human, is the word to describe such a creature. Barely clinging on to the edge of sanity and the classification of "human". Someone just try and justify this behaviour to me. It can't be done.

If a woman is not an immediate physical threat to anyone, and you intentionally injure her, you are a monster, plain and simple, and you deserve no quarter from anyone. Only when you were kicked out into the street and ignored by every single man, woman, and child, till you starved and died a slow, tormented, and painful death, would justice be served.