So i have been trying a few openers but this is the only one that seems to work for me, and suggestions on how to improve it or is it shit and i have just been lucky lol

Start off in the subject box i have been putting: Read me INSERT THEIR SCREEN NAME xx xx

Hi there thier screen name again,

Just written this amazing short story and need you too pick an ending.


Once upon a time there was this gorgeous college lecturer called chris who joined a site called POF in an effort to meet new and interesting people.

So after browsing profiles for a while he came across a profile for a
INSERT HER NAME and thought to himself she looks kind of cute and seems kind of interesting so he sent her a witty and original message.

After reading it she replied straight away and they exchanged a few messages some witty, some deep and some flirty

After a while Chris asked her out and this where i need you to help me which option would she pick?

A, she sent a witty message back and said yes

B, she jumped at the chance and said she would take him out! ( it is 2009 women can take a man out lol )

C, said no and broke his heart

D, another option? ( your choice )
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I think there shouldn't be a 'no' option. Make it seem like the only right answer is to say 'yes' in many different ways, seems funny and awesome. I love this.

Maybe shorten the beginning to get right to the chase. Remove the 'hi there [screenname]'.

If there is a 'no' it should be 'said no and ended up regretting it forever and ever '

I like this,
If you tightened it up, tweaked it a little to make it shorter I think it would be good material.
I like xiagox's "no and ended up regretting it forever and ever" option

My only problem is that it comes off as too cutesy and cheesy. That may have been the aim goal of this opener.

yeah, it's almost like 'perfect internet game' perfect-internet-game-woah-vt39020.html I love it. Even though both are in the cheese department, it's funny and different.

cool thanks for the feedback guys i will try the suggestions out

Errr - puke.

Dude you're thinking too much.

I read the first line of the story and got bored and didn't finish it. What do you think the gorgeous girl is gonna do?

reply, well shortened it and taken the suggestions on board. sent it out 10 times and got a positive response 9 times i can live with that ratio.

do you use this on dating sites or myspace/facebook type sites

POF normally, tried it for the first time ever on facebook today will let you know the out come!

used it on POF last week and got this reply:

" nice pick up line mystery would be proud! "

still nclosed though