Hello

I want to get into PUA stuff, but right now I am in no position to. I am basically a social retard.

Some things about me:
- no confidence in myself
- completely unassertive
- constantly afraid of what others are thinking of me or will think of me
- quiet voice and mannerisms
- very shy, I basically never make the first move in anything
- very reticent/secretive; I don't talk about myself to anyone and eventually people stop asking
- no ability to small talk; I basically don't know what to say to people at all, you will get yesses from me and then awkward silences
- very indecisive: I don't like making decisions I just want someone else to decide for me

So as you can see I am useless when it comes to this stuff. I have read up on sarging loads but I don't think I could do any of it. I need to fix the above, I need to be able to talk to people (even guys) first.

It takes me a few months to become comfortable around people, and by then they think I am boring, not worth talking to, and I don't get invited to stuff. People just avoid me and would rather talk to someone else, and I have preferred it that way up to now BUT I WANT TO CHANGE.

I have said this to myself for a few weeks now but I have got nowhere. What can I do to change myself? I know I won't change overnight, but I want to see a difference. I am sick of spending saturday nights alone, I want to get out there and meet people. I want to be a confident and outgoing guy.

I am not bad looking, but I am joining a gym soon to build some muscle because I am a bit skinny. I make quite a good first impression, so I have actually been approached by quite a few girls who were clearly interested, but I manage to mess it up by being the person I describe above.

Anyone can give me tips or advice on this please I will be eternally grateful.

Nothing wrong in this though seeing as it your life and people dont NEED to know about it.

I agree in principle, but this is to the extreme. People have told me that it makes me very unapproachable and hard to talk to. I mean like you should be able to talk to your friends about innocuous things like what you're doing at the weekend or where you are from, but I lock up. Imagine talking to someone like that.. you don't really want to talk to them again because they are so hard to talk to and there is nothing to talk about. I want to just tell the truth about everything and be open rather than closed off to everyone.

Well you're not going to be overly outgoing overnight but if you take small steps you'll be able to get rid of all those habits in months I believe. You do need to gain confidence in yourself before you can take care of the rest of the stuff on your list. Excersing can help and also dressing better will give you a big boost of self confidence. Fear is also a common thing that makes people shy. You can have someone act nice towards you while thinking you're a total idiot so you can't worry what people think about you. This is going to sound like a random suggestion but you should sign up for improv classes, that'll improve your voice and ability to have small talk.

Hope that helped a little bit.

Hey bro,
I know exactly how you feel, trust me.
Here's what I did, maybe it'll work for you too.

I went out every Thursday, Friday , Saturday and Sunday with friends to a club venue and tried to approach at least 10 sets a night and talk. This was pretty tough since I don't consider myself a good conversationist. In order to get over this social awkwardness, I opened up groups with my single favorite question: "Do you ladies think it's gay for a guy to get his tongue pierced?". After they'd gave me their answers, I would politely say thanks and eject. I did this so i could get used to talking more. Gradually, I would set goals for myself to keep the conversation flowing beyond the opener. For Instance, I would try to set goals for chatting it up for 2 minutes, 3 min, 5 min etc., until I got used to talking with people for longer periods.

It's tough but the rewards are great. Let us know how well you progress and good luck with your future endeavors and in life.

Cheers,
Nineteen

My approach to things and to inner game questions is to ask WHY. If u are affraid to open up to people then ask why u are? When u think that it's bc then they can have information to hurt you, ask again: why would they want to do it? And so on. Always ask the question "why".

Finally u will get the REAL answeres and problems in your inner game and then you can rationalise them or work with them.

For me, I'm not the best at inner game but I have improved a ton bc I KNOW why I am who I am today and what are my fears and that they really are fixable.

All your past experiences...they have formed you into the guy you are today...but, never forget...when you meet a new person: he/she doesn't know ANYTHING about you. You have to know where your fears come from, aknowledge them and then REALIZE...it's the past...The future has not yet been written.

Basically... you are a human beeing...you are equal to others...everything else is in your head. The gym thing...well, it ALWAYS boosts up your confidence but...look at Mystery, his skinny as sh*t but the gets girls like a madman.

nineteen1919 has got it down. I would take his advice if I were you. At this point you just need to get yourself speaking to women, regardless of the subject matter. Do exactly as he says, just get out there and speak to any girl you can even if it's just to ask for the time or for directions or anything of the sort. You will notice your confidence increasing dramatically the more you do this.

OK I have improved a lot over the past few months.

I have more confidence now, and with each experience I get a little bit more confident as well, and feel like I can just be myself. The gym also helped my confidence a bit. With confidence it follows that I am also more assertive. I actually speak my mind now, and probably my biggest improvement is I'm not afraid of what people think of me any more. By extension I am also less secretive and more open with people.

But the things that haven't changed are I still can't really small talk - I just don't have anything to say a lot of the time, and if I'm left alone with just me and one other person, I become very conscious of the fact that the conversation has stopped and I get nervous. I am not sure if I can do anything about that, whether it's something that can be learned. I can be very confident and at ease, but just have nothing to say. Perhaps some people are just not natural talkers.

And my voice is still too quiet and soft, I can't be heard in loud bars/clubs. Again, I'm not sure if I can change my fundamental voice, but I could maybe increase the volume.

I still have a long way to go, but hopefully I will keep improving.

Everything comes with practice. Just try to make smalltalk. Just talk about something you are noticing at that particular moment (someone passing by, an animal passing by, a shop you are coincidently looking at, trees in your surroundings, ...), it can be just anything. You can only learn by doing it a lot.

Another thing that can help you a lot w.r.t. self confidence is look in the mirror and tell to yourself that you are cool, great, women want you, ... I read this once on this forum and tried it out and for some crazy reason it really worked for me. Now, everytime when I don't feel confident, I go stand in front of the mirror and do this. My confidence rises again. It may sound ridiculuous but at least for me it does work.