I've been away for a few months so I thought I'd let you guys know where I've been...

(I'm going to try to keep this as short as possible other wise its gonna get lengthy and I am going to censor names and places for privacy reasons)

Have you guys ever seen a girl pass by and you inner monologue kicks in and says "I have to have her?" That's what happened to me 7 months ago.

She was tall and slender and had eyes so green they almost looked yellow, long flowing dark brown hair just a few inches past her shoulders, and the most gorgeous smile I had ever seen.

So I approached her and needless to say we hit it off. We exchanged numbers after a few minutes of talking and I called her the very next day and we talked every day for a week for hours after that. We were even starting to talk about dating already.

Then one day I call her and get no answer so I leave a message and wait for her to return my call, but I get no call. About 5 days go by and I get a text that says "hey sorry I haven't called you back, some bad shit just happened and I just needed some time to myself." So I'm thinking ok maybe a family member is sick or something. It wasn't until I talked to her again that I found out that her ex boyfriend whom shed only been broken up with for 2 months was murdered that weekend.

So Immediately she rejects the idea of us dating and says she just needs a friend. I agreed because she was actually a really cool girl.

So to speed things up, about a week or two goes by and we end up hooking up and officially dating. After about another 2 weeks she calls me and says "look, I thought I was ready for this but, Im just not right now. Can we still be friends?" So I agree to be just friends with her but, from there on out we never stopped seeing each other and the relationship seemed to develop as if we were still dating.

We even got to the point to where we were saying we loved each other and she even told me one night that "I think I just want to marry you and have kids with you."

The problem was that during all this time we were doing this she kept pushing me away. For example we would go about 3 weeks at a time with no problems and then shed say "we have to stop seeing each other" out of the blue. Then shed call me 2 days later and wed be back at it again for another 3 weeks and then repeat the whole process over again.

So finally I got fed up with it and got mad at her for doing it a couple of weeks ago and both of us just ended it.

Now she wont talk to me and doesn't try to contact me and I do the same. I really regret ending this with her even tho It was more or less out of my control. I really miss her and I don't think I'm ready for another relationship yet even tho I'm already talking to someone else.

So what do u guys think? A little input would be nice and feel free to ask me anything about this you would like to know.

More info on the break up would be nice... Like how did the conversation go, who broke up with who, ect....

IMO I would give her some space....Im sure she does like you but she also seems very mixed up and confused! you dont tell somone you could marry them and then never talk to them again...thats not normal lol give her space for a month or so and then slowly start talking to her agian...talk to her as a friend and take it slow. Also if you talk about geting back togeather make it clear that you will not put up with the same old crap! I would give it at least a month if not more before trying to talk to her! why you ask? 1# because it will give you both time to think about what you want, 2# if you find out she is dating somone eles you will know she lied to you about not being ready for a bf, and 3# it gives you both time to be single and have fun.

Dont worry budy its always hard when somone you love doesnt feel the same way! just try to go out alot and have fun, take up a new hobby....you will get through it and if its meant to be its meant to be...if not then life moves on.

why didnt you come for advise when things were better. Anyways, so she is not willing to accept that she is 'ready' for dating. Probably she is just 'one guy at one time, monogamous' type of girl. But she WANTED YOU. She was into you. Hence everytime she would push you when you didnt act needy she came back. You should have been the way you were earlier "Ok babs, we'd be friends' and yet continuing dating and hooking up. For her the word dating and accepting it only when her BF has been dead recently does not go well with her.

So now, what do you do. I'd say do nothing. And after 2 weeks if you dont hear back from her I would say leave her a quick message saying something like "Name, I think you are too good of a friend to let go on such a small issue, I think I too would like to continue being friends with you even if we NEVER date'. This is make her comfortable with having you in her life but yet not a BF per say. I know a lot of guys would say that you would get into the LJBF zone. But not when you are sexually escalating.

Her emotions and mind are at two different places now. Emotions with you and mind refuses to accept you as a BF. Hence keep it cool. If she doesnt respond back to your message then MOVE ON.

@Marc, have been in a similar situation myself with an ex. Perfectly summed it up - emotionally she wants me but her mind refuses to accept me as a bf again. Looong story, but I moved on.

So what can you do other then just play it cool and wait to see when/if she changes her belief. Personally Ive put a lot of thought into this question and havent come up with anything solid. Ideas/thoughts?

Thanks

Umm... I don't remember ever bashing the community. Maybe some of the members on here but, never the entire thing.

And yes the break up was more or less mutual. It was done over about 4 phone calls and a few texts.

I don't remember all the details of exactly what was saod but, it was something along the lines of her pushing me away and me getting frustrated with having to put up with it all the time.

Hard to swallow, but I would move on. I've just had a relationship like this and several months of "mewoing" I finally realized that she does not worth my time and efforts I am putting into it. My situation without going into details is almost 100% similar to yours. It is very hard for me personaly and I feel for you man. But we gotta move on...

I have very competitive spirit and personality - I was doing the best I could - no luck. What bothers me is my EGO - there is a good Russian saying, sorry for the poor translation "There are no women who do not give - there are men who dont know how to take"

Dont do the mistake I've done. Let it go. If it does not work from the begining - it wont ever work. As advise above - just keep it cool and your phone might ring one day. But that would be up to you to pick it up.

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81 and keep counting!

Hard to swallow, but I would move on. I've just had a relationship like this and several months of "mewoing" I finally realized that she does not worth my time and efforts I am putting into it. My situation without going into details is almost 100% similar to yours. It is very hard for me personaly and I feel for you man. But we gotta move on...

I have very competitive spirit and personality - I was doing the best I could - no luck. What bothers me is my EGO - there is a good Russian saying, sorry for the poor translation "There are no women who do not give - there are men who dont know how to take"

Dont do the mistake I've done. Let it go. If it does not work from the begining - it wont ever work. As advise above - just keep it cool and your phone might ring one day. But that would be up to you to pick it up.

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81 and keep counting!