Adopting new beliefs is easy as pie. All you have to do is actively search for evidence in your reality that supports those new beliefs. Keep doing that until you can see evidence of that without even trying.

Do that too much in too little time and you just might lose grasp of reality and go insane, though, so keep your feet on the ground!

Here's an example of adopting a new belief this way:

Adopting the belief "I am sexy."

Instead of just telling yourself "I am sexy" over and over again like most affirmation exercises tell you to do, sit down and make a list of reasons why you are sexy. Go ahead and take your time with this if necessary. If you can't think of at least a handful of reasons in one sitting, ruminate over the topic and try again the next day... and the next day... and so on and so forth until the belief of "I am sexy" has a solid foundation of reasons that become self-evident to you more and more. During this process, any reasons previously programmed in your mind that "prove" that you are NOT sexy become overshadowed by your new programming and become insignificant.

Open your mind up enough and you will be able to find reasons as to why anything is true. There is no reason to give up on adopting any positive belief that will be useful to you.

Note that I am not talking about absolute or higher truth; I am talking about your personal beliefs that shape your success and lifestyle.

As a little side-note, it's funny that you mentioned psychology, as this is definitely a psychological topic, but I didn't initially learn this technique from psychology class. I learned how to do this from my days of practicing Christianity in the bible belt of America

I'm very glad that you responded. This is exactly what I've been looking for. I didn't think it was that easy. So far I've done only affirmations (where I pump myself up with music and say each affirmation loud and proud to myself) so I'm definitely going to try this now! Thanks a bunch!

Chief,
Can you explain a bit further on this? I've several times trying to avoid her but apparently she is still giving me signals to meet up.. She probably still thinks that I still like her... It's probably partly my fault still giving her IOIs every now and then.. goddamit ur right, its the selfish desperation...

"Leave her better than you found her" is pretty straightforward. I means the following two things:
1. Put her in a better situation than she was in before.
2. Do not leave her worse off than when you first met her.

If you proceed with what you were doing, you'll leave her with one sexual fling and one less lasting boyfriend. If you can't replace her boyfriend (and be a better one), don't get involved.

Yes, I have slept with girls who had boyfriends. However, those girls were having affairs with me instead of thinking that I could replace their boyfriends. I left them better than I found them because in the end they still had their unsuspecting boyfriends in the bag plus more sexual pleasure. The girl in your situation, however, doesn't sound like that type of girl. Get out, or just friend zone yourself and kill any and all sexual tension between the two of you.

Very fucking valuable input.

Chief, thanks for your advices. I've done this just today. I met her just for the last time just to wish her goodbyes (she's leaving back to her home country for good soon). I brought my sister along (she brought a friend - they were planning to go to a festival). I said my goodbyes for 5 minutes and that was it, nothing extra. I gave the last impression that I'm a good friend who'll always be here for her whenever needed.

I however can't make her to 'unlike' me but at least I've stopped to mess around with her. I wouldn't realise that I actually was 'treading in dangerous water' and maybe selfishly desperate if you did not mention it earlier.

I guess she loves her bf however she also doesn't mind cheating on him (to replace him?) - Sometimes I wonder how you grasp the/my situation accurately, I guess it's the experience huh?

The following quote by Charles R. Swindoll is somehow true:
"To let go is to fear less and love more"

We all have something new to learn everyday I guess...

Hey not entirely sure if this is the right place to ask this, so if it's not sorry and feel free to delete/ignore.

Anyways, I'm planning to do some daytime sarging with a wingwoman in the near future, and I've never done that before. The girl is a good friend of mine that I've known for over 4 years; she's reasonably attractive in an objective sense, but the context under which we met, her being my best friend's gf at the time, made it so I would never feel any attraction to her. But we have had a great friendship and she has introduced a lot of girls to me over the years and helped me out a lot with basic stuff like gift buying advice in my LTRs over that time period.

Anyways, she's actually an extremely naive girl and not that socially intelligent when it comes to male/female relationships imo, which comes from her being in a ridiculously strict household (she's 24, graduated with a masters, and she still has to be home before 8:30 or her parents will get mad at her and she obeys that rule faithfully--hence the necessity for day-game). I'm wondering what things I should tell her and what things I should do personally in order for this go as well as possible. She's enthusiastic and willing to help me meet girls, but neither of us really know how best to go about. So any general advice or information on day-gaming with a wing woman would be much appreciated, thanks!

Mainly, she just has to be around you so people get the impression that girls are already comfortable around you. Then, she must know when to leave you and a girl alone. She should already be able to tell when the time is right from her woman's intuition.

Sounds pretty straightforward, thanks man!

Hey Chief. I'm in a little situation. Can you help me out in getting a better clarity of it? I feel like my pessimistic thoughts are distracting me from thinking clearly.

Since the beginning of this year, I have been seeing a girl. She's the sister of one of my closest friends that's also a girl. I have known both of them since my high school days. I'm 21 now.

Before we ever kissed, she has liked me for 2 years. I avoid doing anything with her because she has a baby and a man. To this day, she's still with her baby daddy but she still hooks up with me.

We say that we're in love with each other and we're always caressing each other while saying sweet things to one another. Well, last week, I told her that I needed to chill... that I had to take a break from this. I have such a strong desire to be with her that it's killing me... and making me feel miserable that I can't put my 100% with her because she's with someone else. I told her that I had to take a break because lately it hasn't been all fun to be with her because my emotions are getting the best of me. I feel like an AFC because I've been complaining and complaining and I don't really want her to see that side of me.

She's told me that she's not the monogamous type and she just wants to feel natural by kissing me and her boyfriend. I have different ideals from that because to me... a relationship like that is very sacred and I take it very seriously because I love having a partner to learn and help me out in life saying greatly saying that she's my partner. I'm not the sharing type when it comes to relationships and her boyfriend isn't either. He doesn't like what's going on either (he knows about us liking each other but not that we have sex with each other).

Well, Chief, after I told her that I needed a break, she began to cry. Days later, she tells me that I'm playing some sort of game. It kinda confuses me because I'm not sure whether or not I am. At first, I admit, I was doing it so I can see her desire for me. But when I did it, I just wanted to find some peace from all the bullshit and go meet other people in general. I felt a lot better the next day about my decision and girls just started coming on to me so much that I felt so awe struck by it. I did it because I don't want my emotions getting the best out of my life.

I did this the week of my birthday and she showed up to my birthday bash at a club we all went to. I told her to come but I was happy to see her there. We made out that night and she was hesitant at first because she thought I was playing games. I told her how I felt and showed my true emotion as to why I did what I did. After that, she wanted to take her to a dark place to make out. We made out for a moment before our friends interrupted us.

I have a very good relationship with her. We're very open, we're loving and affectionate, and we're always helping each other out to get ahead in life. That's why this is so important to me because relationships like that are rare to find. I love who she is and I still want to make out with her and I still want to have sex with her but I don't want to make her my top priority. Hence why I want a break.

Chief, my question is this... Do you think I'm playing a game? Do you feel like what I'm doing is right for myself? I'm looking for a little clarity because I feel messed up and I feel like I could always handle situations a bit better for myself.

_________________
"Nobody makes a greater mistake than he did nothing because he could do only a little." - Edmund Burke

Youth Riot,
You're going through a lot of AFC emotions that I consciously avoid because feeling those sort of things actually gross me out. This is why I don't do relationships and stay away from monogamous desires. Your question would be more appropriate for Locke in the Relationships section of the forum. He loves that kind of lovey dovey shit that I don't even want to begin to understand lol.

Gotcha, man. Appreciate the honesty

_________________
"Nobody makes a greater mistake than he did nothing because he could do only a little." - Edmund Burke

Yo Chiefy!!!!! Okay, so I know you like mind benders, so I got one. Ended up just befriending this girl and we have a lot of fun talking. I call her and she says "oh"... and hangs up. No indication of this everest level cold shoulder, just BAM!!!. Already deleted the number, just want to know an opinion as so I can avoid this in the future.

Possible theories (BF is back, the fact I haven't tried to get into her pants.)

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When you masturbate, God kills a kitten... so do your part to help control the overflowing pet population.

Has this happened before or is this the first time?

If it was the first time this has ever happened, don't worry about it. If you run into this sort of thing again, you've got a sticking point.

Ahoy hoy Chief this is a somewhat abstract question and is kinda a repeat of something I have overcome once already. So, recently I have no motivation to approach for the sake of approaching, I only want to approach women I find attractive the problem being I find very few women attractive (2 out of about 400 last night). SO should I bite the bullet and approach approach approach or should I stick to my guns and hunt out somewhere with more women I like.

Also worth noting is I want to train people so will have to have the ability to open sets and escalate even if I am not into them but getting motivated to do so is hard.

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Got a date with an Emo/scene girl for Friday night. Im wondering what would be a good idea? Was thinking about maybe a party, but having trouble finding one where i know the person/people. Anyway, i'm thinking probably just a movie but that seems kinda lame and boring. I really want this girl to have fun, and i keep thinking that maybe this type of girl (Raver/Scene) might not be into the regular type of dates? If anyoner has any experience with this i'd REALLY appreciate it.