so, my gf of 1 year just broke up with me last week. i feel i really fucked things up and i scared her away by becoming a bit afc.

we dated long distance when i went away for school last year. i came back and saw her occasionally and things were hard.. but we were crazy about each other.
i since transferred back to my home town and have been home all summer.
weve been hanging out a lot. there were periods where we saw each other every day for somethin or another.

we began stupid fights n such that never happened before, and i thought it all came down to us spending too much time with each other. we somewhat tried to fix things but it didnt work.

-she says she doesnt see me as a bf anymore.
- she loves who i am and still loves to hang out with me and is attracted to me but just lost those feelings.
-she says she really wishes she still loved me like she used to.
-she also said shes been feeling uneasy about us for nearly the past 2 months.
-she thinks i like her a lot more than she likes me and thinks im sometimes clingy


-she said she could see us getting back together one day and she would really like to just not now.
- and she doesnt want another bf and doesnt want to mess around with other guys. she knows it would be totally disrespectful to me and would not want to be friends with her

this has happened to us once before and the break lasted one week and she came back to me saying she missed me and still loved me.

i just pretended i was moving on and i was happy without her. i think thats what triggered her. but this time i feel she really lost those feelings for me and i dont know what to do or how to act to make her attracted to me again. ive been going out having fun and all that. she even found out about a big party i had when i invited all of her friends over.

she stopped by today and said she really does wanna hang out with me on tuesday or wednesday, her days off. when i saw her i realized i still really miss her and its gonna be hard to get over her. i really want us to get back together and fix things.

how should i act? should i freeze her out? should i become unavailable to her? when should i begin flirting with her again?

any help is greatly appreciated guys thanks

The best thing you can do right now is completely ignore her. Do not call her, do not text her, do not hang out with her. GO NO CONTACT!

being friends with her is not going to get her back.

let me say that again.....

BEING FRIENDS WITH HER IS NOT GOING TO GET HER BACK!

You have to act like she never existed. Go out, be with your friends, do what you already said you were doing, just stop seeing her.

You can't look it at like "how can I get her back?" You have to look at it like "How do I get over her?" Because you cannot control how someone feels.

By doing this you are giving her the chance to miss you and really see what life is like without you. This is either going to make her realize she made a mistake, or the right decision. Either way only she can decide that, and there is nothing you can do except move on. If she comes back and wants to fix it GREAT, if not, you will already be on your way to getting over it and eventually YOU WILL GET OVER IT.

I promise.

I don't understand. Why would you want to be with someone who does not share the same feelings as you?

_________________
The hottest ginger you'll ever meet.

I don't have an ego, I just love how awesome I am.

''we began stupid fights n such that never happened before, and i thought it all came down to us spending too much time with each other. we somewhat tried to fix things but it didnt work. ''

you hang around too much, all the small arguements and stupid fights are major in her eyes --- > too much negative shit.

-she says she doesnt see me as a bf anymore.
You don't live up to her expectations, you are not behaving like the boyfriend she wants - you have stupid fights over little things don't do that.

- she loves who i am and still loves to hang out with me and is attracted to me but just lost those feelings.
what shes saying here is that she likes you but lost all those feelings AKA the romantic interests, there is defenitly not enough romance ---- > = less attraction

-she says she really wishes she still loved me like she used to.
she thinks those feelings can come back, she wants you to know something is missing --- romance --- attraction --- love. all


-she also said shes been feeling uneasy about us for nearly the past 2 months.
you guys hang around too much, you were seeing eachother all day and she didn't had enough time for herself. When girls feel uneasy you probably stepped over their boundaries , maybe you were seeing her too much. or maybe you walked over her during a stupid fight.
Stupid fights are created out of frustration and disagreement, it doesn't matter who wins -there is nothing to win-. when you act lik its a big deal you also step over her boundaries.

-she thinks i like her a lot more than she likes me and thinks im sometimes clingy
you are too needy , she is more un-needy. you maybe called or text messaged her too much and you were the first one to initiate contact, maybe you didn't gave her enough time to start contact. If you constantly start contacting her before she does you are investing more then her, you need her to invest more give her some space.

-she said she could see us getting back together one day and she would really like to just not now. She needs some time to see if she misses you, she already gives you a chance. This is a test she NEEDS SOME SPACE AND TIME to really she if she will start missing you and - individual love test -

- and she doesnt want another bf and doesnt want to mess around with other guys. she knows it would be totally disrespectful to me and would not want to be friends with her
Don't take this to serious, chances are that she will meet a new guy in a few weeks , you really can't be friends right now

If you want to be her friend in order to get in her pants your very wrong, Friend means friend and you already said you miss her and want her back.
You will get frustrated because your expectations are not met, right now you can't be a friend because you still see yourself as her lover, you don't know when you get her back ... in 3 weeks ... 2 months you dont know.
you can only be friends if you stop missing her and stop loving her, you can only be friends when you accept the fact/ idea that she is sleeping with another guy.
Right now you can't be her friend, all contact with her will be awkward for both sides and im sure you BOTH HAVE A CHANCE.

This can be fixed but it has to come from 2 sides, you cannot force her. Don't be needy - don't contact her- don't talk her into something. you can do what you like as long YOU DON'T FORCE HER.



''i just pretended i was moving on and i was happy without her. i think thats what triggered her. but this time i feel she really lost those feelings for me and i dont know what to do or how to act to make her attracted to me again. ive been going out having fun and all that. she even found out about a big party i had when i invited all of her friends over.''

ók don't make excuses and don't say sorry for the party thing, just tell her you just broke up and the timing was wrong. if she doesn't start about the topic then don't talk about it.
keep pretending your ok without her, because if you pretend you don't - she will certainly will think you needy :
''she thinks i like her a lot more than she likes me and thinks im sometimes clingy '' don't give her a reason to think this.

''she stopped by today and said she really does wanna hang out with me on tuesday or wednesday, her days off. when i saw her i realized i still really miss her and its gonna be hard to get over her. i really want us to get back together and fix things. ''

you can't break up and hang out 2 days later, it will be awkward + she is already neglecting her own rule - to test if she misses you -.
If you want her to be your friend ( you can't be her friend ) then meet her.
If you want her too miss you and save you relationship then freeze her out , don't contact and don't see eachother for 2 or 4 weeks. only contact her if she calls you.

Its amazing ... many relationships end because when 2 people break up they don't give eachother the time to recover.
even if your in a relationship - a pause of 4 weeks will do good , if your relationship turned sour and you can't solve it for a period of time; then take a break before someone breaks up.

you can only get her back when you accept the fact :
you can't be friends
you have no control over the situation and other person.
you have only control over yourself.
you love her enough to give you both some space.
you completely stop clenching the situation in your fist , let it go - go with the flow because the harder you try to control; the harder it will be getting her back.
you can show her your fine without her
you accept the fact the FIRST CRUCIAL STEP to get back together must be done by her.
you accept the fact that she likes you , you don't have to change you behaviour or whatever be yourself.

if we talk about our ego :
Love is letting go , love is wishing the best for someone , love isn't deceiving to be someones friends in order to get into her pants.
you can't turn her into loving you.


Freeze her out , if she contacts you over 2 weeks then tell her you need some time or whatever. but if she says shes missing you etc you can engage conversations.
i fucked up with an ex ..... i didn't gave her enough room and she didn't contact me. after one month i called her ... why? because i did want her back and she didn't want me back YET. i forced her and it turned out bad. at this point being needy is BAD.

your mindset should bé '' i got nothing to loose and i don't have expectations

thanks for the reply...
firebird- i still want her because i was so happy with her when we were alright. we were both extremely happy and loved each other.

btw.. we broke up last monday.
i talked to her the first 2 days because i was so confused and wanted to know y. i understand it now and i know i fucked up.. she just doesnt understand y she lost those feelings. i believe i do.. it was both of our faults.

but now shes been saying she wants to hang out one on one for the past couple days. our schedules didnt meet up and it never happened.

i have not been contacting her at all.. only when she texts/calls me.
and i have been ignoring some texts for a couple hours sometimes

but she came and visited yesterday saying we were gonna hang out, but once again we were busy so only chatted for a few minutes. she was being really nice.. i was being distant and cold.
i felt like she was wasting my time just bull shitting with me.. she knew i was a bit pissed.

i told her "well im gonna go. if u wanna hang out gimme a call sometime, ive got things to do" and walked away. she came after me a minute later asking whats wrong. and saying she still wants to be friends. "because im a great guy and i mean a lot to her" she hugged me and said she was sorry and didnt want to waste my time and said she really does want to be friends.

and.. "tuesday or wednesday are my days off. so the offer is on the table.. if you wanna hang out...." she asked me twice.

i didnt give her a straight answer, i just said alright.
she told me to let her know what day soon and shell come up with something to do.

it was yesterday that i hit a turning point after talking to her.

i realize i just need to let it all go and either way im going to better myself and accept whatever happens. i still really miss her but im still happy without her and its not that bad.

when i saw her i realized i still really liked her. i know i would have to act differently in front of her. last time we had short break and we agreed to hang out before i went back to school even tho we were broken up.

i just was myself and worked a little game, dhv, push pull, etc... i noticed she was flirty and we ended up f*cking that night. well i moved on and froze her out for a week and she wanted me back really bad.

in a way i want to see her and try to become attractive/dhv/push pull/ amog..etc and hope it will happen again.

but i also believe ur correct and i should just blow her off 2moro and freeze her out completely. it has only been one week, and shes been busy as hell working overtime so she hasnt got to chill out much and see what its like without me.

should i tell her i cant be friends with her? i told her we were friends last time but i just blew her off and froze her out completely.

u think i should still go with ur original plan? any other suggestions

For the most part you seem to know what needs to be done. But I would advise you to stop looking at it like a game. You cannot wrap yourself up in what you think you should do to get her to react. It will simply drive you crazy.

Now that you realize that you cannot be friends with her right now go no contact.

You can do it one of two ways.

1. You can just start completely ignoring her until she either comes back at you with "I want you back" or gets the hint and leaves you alone (which SHOULD show you she really didn't care that much)

or

2. You can go out and tell her that it is not in your best interest to be friends right now and that YOU want some time apart. When YOU are ready to be friends with her YOU will contact her.


Either way I wouldn't advise being a dick or cold to her. Just act like it doesn't bother you either way. If you happen to run into her somewhere, be cordial thats all.

Whatever route you decide to take, I will almost guarentee she will still try to contact you no matter what. You have to be the strong one and figure out what it is you really want. If you really want to be with her then you need to cut her out of your life and let her decide if she wants back in. If you really think you can just be friends, you have to do what the above post said and be ok with the fact that she will be sleeping with other guys.

Well dude, there is this girl I've been in love with for... three years (okay, LOVE is a deep word, maybe it only reached that point around the second or third year...).

We started dating, I became a stupid fuck, and I lost her to another guy.

Then, even though she's in my class and I saw her everyday, I stopped talking to her. (Just told her I still had feelings, couldn't bear to see her with another guy and her decision was a really stupid one, because I am much better than him... arrogant I know).

Either way. For three months I barely aknowledged her existence, then I told her we could be friends again, but it wouldn't be the same.

I moved on. And one or two months ago, she started to say she misses me, she thinks about me when she's with the BF.

Thing is, you can only get her back if you move on
Buy some clothes, work out, became alpha. Get new friends, new hobbies, whatever, don't mind if she dates other guys (It's really hard to, I know). Act like she's your friend, although not a very close one, don't be her therapist.

If you look unaffected, she'll start thinking more about you (How did he get over me so quickly?) Hint at other girls in your life.

I say, wait at least two or three months, than get back in touch.

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A bullet shaped hole where the answers should be.

thanks man... that sounds about right.

now about hanging out with her 2moro.. should i let her know i cant right now or i dont want to? or should i just not text/call her back about what day is good for me?

if i freeze her out.. should i ever answer her texts/calls occasionally? should i ftc and tell her im busy/cant talk?

Just tell her you can't
saying you don't want to = rejection and rejection hurts

you can't , you should be mysterious about the reason.
if she asks its about her just say no ---- optional : just say its not about her and you don't blame her. -- > but if she has the feeling you can't meet her because she did something wrong she will feel guilty and will contact you even more and gets invested.

freeze her out .. im sure of that. i think 2 months is too long , keep it at one month.

sometimes you don't react on her messages, sometimes you are bussy and talking and sometimes you will text her back, when you text her back then don't talk much - if she wanna see you and you dont message her back its quitte rude.
like the guy above said it's not in your interest to be friends RIGHT NOW.

don't insult her just keep your distance, if shes going nuts or gets angry just tell her you have a hard time right now - i mean you got your own problems thats a pretty good excuse when shit hits the fan.

i think all these posts have some really good advice

great advice guys....
so tell her its not her? she will still think she must have did something wrong and invest in me?

and one more thing.

should i wait til 2moro and see if she contacts me? or should i call/text her and say i cant hang out 2moro?

and if she ever asks if i wanna be friends.. should i tell her yes but still be unavailable and not so responsive to her contacting me?

i think saying no would make her stop talking to me all together.

and i know not to reason with her or talk to her about our relationship.. but seriously, i feel like i know exactly what went wrong and it all came down to seeing each other way too much.

i feel like if i had another chance i could fix it for sure and make everything as it was. romantic, exciting, everything.

i wish there was some way i could tell her and get another try.
if we ever got to the point of questioning giving it another shot do u think i should bring this up?

just venting here kinda, i know im not supposed to tell her these things.

Willdream that is good advise. My GF just broke off with me and I basically became the laughing stock of the entire school. I dont want her back but I want her to come back to me and realize that I was the best for her.

I think your advise is good and I'll try to change the way I look, workout and get in shape and lastly become Alpha.

tell her its not her when she asks about it, or when shes getting very frustrated.

send her the message you can't see her, be the first one to send. if you decide to say it face to face .... then be aware after you told her that you can't be friends for the mooment all conversation will be awkward

''and if she ever asks if i wanna be friends.. should i tell her yes but still be unavailable and not so responsive to her contacting me? ''

tell her you can be friends but not right now, you need some time.
you know her , you know what to say. you can reply on certain messages - really depends what it's about. you can ignore some messages, if she keeps trying to meet you then ignore those messages. if she send you messages about her granny who passed away recenly then reply, if she sends you messages about her having a hard time then reply. it depends on the emotional content.

the less you say right now the better

''i think saying no would make her stop talking to me all together. ''yes i think the same , saying no is rejection - just tell her you can be friends but not right now, you need some time.

''i feel like i know exactly what went wrong and it all came down to seeing each other way too much.
i feel like if i had another chance i could fix it for sure and make everything as it was. romantic, exciting, everything. ''

im sure you know ... but don't let her know - she will perceive it like you talking yourself back into her life. this will be begging ... don't do it.

if you really need to say what went wrong then say ''that you know what went wrong''.. don't be specific the less you say the better.

if we ever got to the point of questioning giving it another shot do u think i should bring this up?
you should ask her what she wants... does she want to see you more etc ?
only talk about this when you are sure your getting back together

I feel like I am beating a dead horse here, but do not say ANYTHING to her after you intially tell her you do not want to be friends right now.

If she calls you because her cat died, do not answer her. Who cares if she is upset, was she thinking about your feelings when she dumped you? NO!

SHE WANTS TO BE FRIENDS RIGHT NOW. and by talking to her about anything besides getting back together you are relieving her of any guilt she may have about the whole situation and throwing your self in the LJBF zone.

Go workout, go be with friends, go on dates, go do whatever you have to do to get your mind off of her.

I promise she will not forget about you. You dated for what an entire year? Noone just forgets about someone. By hanging around and reply on Mondays but not on Tuesdays or whatever you are just playing games and not accomplishing anything.

the few percentage of people who actually did get back together will tell you that it did not happen until a least a month later, after NO CONTACT. I know that sucks to hear but its the truth. If you are serious about this relationship and want it to work you both need to be apart to and take off the rose colored glasses so you can see the real issues you both had.

If after a few weeks or months go by and you do not hear anything from her regarding a reconciliation, then it truly wasn't meant to be. No amount on manipluation, game playing, or magic can change how someone really feels. The only thing you can control is yourself.

Sorry for the rant lol, I have just been in this situation, broke up for the same reasons, and asked all these same questions. I tried being her friend, after she told me we may be able to try again later, and that she didn't want to hook up with other people, etc. That lasted for about 3 weeks and then guess what? She found another dude, fucked him, and told me "sorry, I thought we were just friends?"

Don't let that happen to you man.

''If she calls you because her cat died, do not answer her. Who cares if she is upset, was she thinking about your feelings when she dumped you? NO!
''

i agree totally

kinda getting 2 sides of advice here ic..

well i told her i was busy next couple of days and dhv'd. saying i got a job interview and am starting training for track & field, getting ready for school.. etc. told her how this break has been doing me good.

and shes like well how about if u get an hour after this or that u call me? i just said ill see. i dont plan on seeing her.

but i also feel like at the same time if i tell her were not friends, shes not gonna give a shit who she messes around with cuz i dont care.

so im still being friendly and vague and unavailable. but if i keep blowing her off i feel like shes gonna try to move on from me? should i ever accept her invite like a couple weeks from now or something? try to game again perhaps? negs, dhv, amog etc..