I feel like my neediness and insecurities are going to ruin my relationship and there’s nothing I can do about it. I expect too much out of my gf of 6 months party because I am a very thoughtful and emotional person. I know I would do more for her than she would do for me. Therefore I always feel kinda hurt when she doesn’t respond to a series of txts. For example, it was her 2nd day of work so I know she’s busy, but I know I would have made time to respond to her. I know part of me is being extremely picky, but I can’t seem to help it bc I feel like I deserve more, you know? What makes it more difficult is that she’s my first gf (im 22) and we are beginning a LDR.

PUA teaches you to expect the best out of a woman (helping guys get over AA) but this spills over to relationships. I feel like I deserve a woman who is a bit needier, but I’m not sure if it’s real or just my naivety. I’m trying to do my best to keep myself occupied and not needy, but I cannot help thinking about it.

I think this also stems from my lack of experience in relationships. PUA teaches a lot of different stuff that is amazing, but will not help you in relationships. For example, relationships are about being intimate with one another, but I fear that if I keep sharing my fears and pains that I will seem less like the man she fell in love with in the first place. I have no idea what to do because I get into different mood swings of wanting to breakup, but then not wanting to bc I really do care about and love her. Please help me out and many thanks in advance!

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Rise up, rise up, rise up

Its not about how you fall...its about how you pick yourself up after you've fallen

nothing in this world thats worth having comes easy

So heres the thing man and alot of guys dont ever understand this. Women and men think very diffrently! what makes sens to you does not even phase her because men are very logical and women are very emotional by nature. In your head you are thinking "I love her, she loves me...so tell her how much I love her and act all mooshy she will like it! I would" but women dont think the same way....You need to connect with her on an emotional level.

How do you do this you ask? You can still show her you love her but you need to be better at calibration! If she is being distent then you need to give her space and do the same and in return she will come closer to you. Also you need to listen to a women! I know most guys think they listen to women (I did) but until I really started listening to my women and what she likes, dislikes ect...she didnt really start to listen to me. Pick up on things and ask questions...dont forget what she says.

If you still dont feel like she is on the same level after that then you can tell her you need time to think...tell her your not sure that the two of you are on the same level and that you love her but your not sure you feel she is as dedicated to the relationship as you are and you cant be with somone who isnt into the relationship like you are....this will do one of two things 1) she will see that even though you love her you dont put up with shit and you want to be happy 2) It will give her time to think as well and she might realize how cold she has been to you. This can be very hard because you risk loosing her but with great risk can come great reward! My gf and I broke up for a very similar reason (I put more in then she did) and a week later we wer back togeather...the fight and break up was the best thing that ever happend to our relationship! it was the hardest thing I had ever had to do but worth it in the end!

P.s try this today k....freeze out on her. Dont txt, dont call, nothing until she contacts you and when she dont get back to her right away....give it a few hours and then txt back. Dont tell her your sorry just give her a simple response like "Im good how are you".

I know it sounds crazy but trust me when women arnt geting attention it will often drive them nuts!

One more thing lol You can still be "mushy" with you gf and let her know how much your care but only when she is on the same level....for example when my gf send me a sweet txt saying "I love you so much and miss you" I will send her a txt back saying I love her and wish she was here with me ect ect....but I would never ever send a txt like this if she was being cold! you see my point I think alot of your problem could be calibration? In a sens she is saying "hello how are you" and your are saying "GREAT! I love you and want to marry you!"....remeber this and it could save you and your relationship!

Thanks alot for that great advice dark one, I def took it to heart. I will try to work on my calibration and try to get rid of my neediness. A question about your last comment, does that mean that men should not intitate txts like "I miss you so much" if you are not sure how she will respond?

Thanks again for the help and I'm still all ears

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Rise up, rise up, rise up

Its not about how you fall...its about how you pick yourself up after you've fallen

nothing in this world thats worth having comes easy

WHAT A WUSS!! Risen, stop being a wuss ! period. Your relationship is going to get over in the next 4-6 months; I am willing to start a post in here to bet money on it if the moderators allow me . Prepare yourself because I'm sure you are the type of guy who would cry in the pillow.

I know I am bashing you mercilessly. But I'm trying to be your friend and being honest with you !!

GIRLS DONT GET ATTRACTED TO GIRLY BOYS!! Do you understand that. You are going to lower the attraction she has for you by being this all mushy.

Ok, here is what you should do if she hasnt yet lost all attraction for you. Go back to basics, leave her a quick text but dont follow up with another until she replies back. Wait for her reply. be connected to her but keep her wanting more. Call her up if you want at the end of the day and talk to her about her day. Make it a pattern if you want, to talk to her everyday but YOU SHOULD NOT BE THE ONE CALLING UP EVERYDAY, let HER CALL UP 40% of the time. I say 40% and not 60% because I'm sure you wouldnt be able to pull that off right in the begining.

Now, keep the conv. light, funny, enetertaining but also get to know how is feeling about her job etc..

AND STOP BEING A WUSS !! I love using that word: WUSS WUSS

I didnt read the other posts. I agree with this.

Just be balanced in your communications. I think it's pretty sweet you have an un-needy gf.

You give some, she gives some. Like others said, make sure what you're saying is on the same playing field. Dont profess your love or talk about how beautiful she is if she's jus talking about everyday shit.

And you don't havve to actively freeze her out or anything. Be balanced; If you were the last to txt her, then don't do it again until she txts you. And if she was the last to txt you, then you txt her. But don't send her a string of txts bc that's prolly offputting.

Thanks for the advice guys! I need to remember how to be the manly man she first fell in love with. Transitions in life are hard and starting a LDR and a job out of university right now is hard on us both , but I am confident things will get better once we get used to our new lives.

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Rise up, rise up, rise up

Its not about how you fall...its about how you pick yourself up after you've fallen

nothing in this world thats worth having comes easy

I am the same way, super needy, and super jealous. Ill be like..."why didnt u answer you phone yada yada" im trying to fix it

you say you would do more for her than she would for you. I think you need to take a step back and ask if she does enough though, if she does then you have to deal with your needyness. if she doesnt do enough then, time to move on.

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Check out my PUA blog at http://www.pickingupgirlstonight.com

I would probably back up what Marc said, definatley be strong about the situation and stay in control, BUT having said that, i think people underestimate the power of simply telling someone how you feel.

Now i was with my gf for 3 years and i suppose it was the opposite for her and I, i always tended to be the one to be distance but it wasnt because i was a heartless bastard, it was because thats just what i was like and i didnt realise she felt that way.

But when she told me, i was quite happy to realign what i was doing and either spend a bit more time with her etc. thats what relationships are all about, being honest with each other and comprimising, if your gf doesnt want that then stuff her, you've got another 3 billion girls to choose from.

you will destroy your own relationship and she will search for a new guy while you are crying in the pillow. UNLESS YOU COMPLETELY CHANGE

tips : ONLY CARE ABOUT YOURSELF , never build your life around your girl.

GIVE THE SAME AMOUNT AS U RECEIVE, if you give too much she will notice and when you talk about it she wil feels like she owns u something.

DON'T BE A WUSS - wuss are people that aren't strong when shit hits the fan, if she has her own shit hitting the fan she don't want your shit hitting the fan as well.

DONT BE EMOTIONA: AND EMOTIONAL PUNISHING - never critisize and never be emotional around woman unless you are in a relationship for (a) year(s). woman are often very emotional and when you think about something that isn't a big issue she will think otherwise.

NEVER COMPRIMISE YOURSELF - if you comprise she will destroy you , your first priority should be +you+ , the second should be school or career and the third should be her - i think your relation isn't stabile and when you break up or she breaks up you still need a good career , don't sacrifce and don't throw your life away for one girl.

1. she doesnt reply your text messages with a reason
2. shes little bit un needy which is bad, less attraction
3. your needy

1. don't send text messaged and freeze her out
2. let her invest more , the more she invest the more needy she will be.
3. stop behaving like you need her and stop asking permission.

just do some freeze outs, and when you talk be funny.
NEVER BLAME HER AND NEVER BRAG ABOUT THINGS, IF SHE CHOOSE TO INVEST LESS THEN YOU THEN SO BE IT

JUST DONT CARE ABOUT EXPECTING THE BEST out of her .... she is who she is and if you don't respect that.. then well....you don't love her enough probably

sharing your fears and pains is sensitive shit, just do it step by step - don't throw everything on the table at once, when you break up she can use it against you - start with the least problematic topics.

ok so what you need to do is :

1. stop thinking about your relation , it will only get better if you stop thinking about all the negative issues
2. mood swings and wanting to break up comes out of disagreement, you like her but you don't like the relationship - if you break up the relationship you break up her - if you break up her you break the relationship MEANING : you have alot of doubt but you love the person, you don't fully love the relationship. because you doubt the relationship you doubt if shes the right one this is all illusion your own ego playing tricks with you.

you and her have something going for 6 months and it can get better and will if you try - DON't think about your own shit because she sees it totally different.
YOU can't control her into giving more ánd you can't push her to reply on the txt messages.

what you can do is make her invest -- meaning she is investing more in the relationship, the more she invest the more committed she will be.
and above all ... make her life interesting , woman need guys who make their life more interesting.
don't get mood swings in her presence

you know what ..... i have been in this kind of relationships if you have any questions then message me

before you pull off any exotic stunts .... message me or mssge this forum

Dude, i havent got any good tips for you, but i just want to say that i am in the exact same boat as you. i read your post and was shocked at how similar it is to my situation i feel i am putting in all the effort, initiating everything and feel near physical pain when she doesnt text me back. I think this forum is the best thing to happen to guys like us.im gonna try that freeze out thing, you know, ignoring her for a while. Ur not on your own.

Who cares the least controls the relationship.

Your situation sucks becuase it is a vicious cycle.

You fall in love -> Become needy/clingy -> This pushes her away -> You become more needy/clingy -> This pushes her away more -> So you become more clingy/needy -> etc etc

You gotta break this cycle by doing what someone mentioned earlier; freeze her out, appear less needy/clingy but you have to realise this isnt temporary, this has to be a permanment change. Hopefully it isnt too late.

Good luck