This is my first post, so hello to everyone I consider myself an AFC even though I don't think I am THAT bad with women. The thing is I always had long-term relationships so I never had the time to practice.. Now I am free after so much time and I find myself stuck in particular points of the game..

Anyway, on my topic now:

Usually someone fails after he actually tries something, but the other day, I couldn't even try talking to the HB10 that was sitting opposite of me in the train.

I spotted her before getting in and went to sit right opposite of her. I failed the 3second rule, I failed to think of an opener.

Even though we did looked at each other a few times (I avoided staring), and even though I got some courage to ask for her newspaper after she finished it, I wasn't able to actually start a conversation..

Losing an HB10 like this one was a sign.. I HAVE to improve myself!


Any advice on what to say/do on similar situations?? Usually I 'm not that bad at opening but this was a very awkward place to do it, it was very silent and every minute that passed while I said nothing, it seemed harder..

Easy, you should have made conversation on the front page or a different page that you saw she was reading. You should have made her laugh about what was in there...taking the paper from her gave a LOAD of opportunity for you. It should have made way for lots of opinion conversations about the celebrities in there...etc etc, honestly, a completely easy thing to have done!

Don't think of it as failure. Think of it as a learning experiance.

Ok, you probably know by now that it's not the words that you say it's how you say it that makes a difference. That being said, In this situation I would of gone with a more direct opener.

(Variation of strimpboi's supermarket opener)

PUA: " Hey would you mind helping me out. I need a women's opinion on something"
HB: " Sure"
PUA: " Let's say that I've made eye contact with a girl on the train. She looks like an interesting girl and would like to get to know her better. What would be the best wayto do that? Should I just go ehead and introduce myself? Are girls receptive to start conversation in that situation?"
HB: "Sure"
PUA: "Thanks" (resume your normal position and pause for a good 10-15 sec without looking at her)
PUA: "Hi, my name is PUA, I was given a great tip that I should just come to see you and introduce myslef"

Or:

PUA: " I have to say that *insert something that you genualy like about her* really is great on you/makes you look amazing. It makes me want to get to know you better"

You failed nothing. There is no such thing as failure, only a learning experience. TheJ nailed this at the very start of this post. From now on, remove that word from your vocabulary.


It seems you have approach anxiety to some degree. To be more precise you have a lack of confidence.

To help combat this, never think of the future, such as: what is she going to say? What am I going to say? FORGET IT! Catch yourself doing it mid-thought and STOP. Think only in the present and don't even bother trying to think of an opener, just let it come out naturally. Every time you catch yourself thinking of what might happen next, shout to yourself in your head: "STOP!!! I'M IN THE PRESENT!!!!"

Like sequoia said, you could have made a comment about the paper but don't get into the cycle of saying to yourself "oh noo...... what can I say??? think of an opener... THINK OF AN OPENER!!!". This will leave you feeling incredulously anxious and as if you have had a chunk of self-esteem flesh ripped from you. It's really important to work on you "observing ego". I'm not going to explain what that is here but it it is covered in the "Deep Inner Game" program I'm about to write about.

I highly recommend you download David DeAngelo's DVD series called "Deep Inner Game". It provides all the knowledge necessary for you to control your state of mind and emotions at any given moment. There are hours of material on the DVD's so you should get yourself a notebook and take notes. You will absorb in information much more efficiently.

I also recommend trying self-hypnosis. This has personally improved my confidence tenfold. I listen to a thirty minute track once a day and I noticed my self confidence improve immediately. It uses NLP scripts to convince your unconscious mind that you are a confident person. It might sound gimmicky but it worked for me. The file is called "Approaching Confidence.mp3" and it's by PUA Training. I can't remember where I downloaded it from but I can email it to you if you want it.

Let us know your thoughts.

_________________
Want to sarge/wing? Pm me.

Man, I love this quote! And you are right.

First of all thanx for all the really quick and nice answers.

The thing is, everything you guys said is very cool and I m pretty sure it would work, if I at the moment I could get those words out of my mouth. I really have to work on that "controlling my emotions" thing. Where can I get that mp3 & dvd?
The funny thing is that I am overall a very confident person. I have no problem talking, I 'm considered quite funny and more than often I am the centre of attention, even in groups of people I just met. But when it comes to opening an HB7+ I kind of lose it, especially when we 're 1on1. I get the sudden feeling she won't have any interest on talking with me and THATS what I have to get rid of.. It's a shame really..

The other thing that held me down was the silence on that fcking train, I thought the whole train will listen to me hitting on her but who cares I guess..

Anyway so thanks again, and if there s any more stuff that can improve my opening confidence, I d love to know it!


When I get past that I ll tell you about my building attraction and KC problems I m good at the middle stuff though!

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Cheers,
The Dj

If you know how to use torrents then:

http://thepiratebay.org/torrent/4554318 ... Inner_Game

If you don't know how to use torrents then use: http://www.wikihow.com/Download-Torrents
You remind me of me. Just remember, you can learn to control this and you will. Make that promise to yourself.

Haha, isn't every train like that! You could spontaneously make an awesome opener though!

"Hey, what is it with people not speaking on trains? I mean it seems like the social norm to avoid eye contact and not smile at others on a train. You look like you could be fun and interesting, but I'm not entierly sure..... you're kinda giving me evils right now." *insert playful grin and body language here* Then you can put in a false time constraint and say you have to get a coffee from the snack stall on the train or something and carry on the conversation. If you can get others on the carriage involved in the conversation and get them to enjoy themselves then this is a huge DHV for you!

I said in my last post only think in the present. Another helpful way to think of it is that you should not be focused on the goal of getting the number/kiss. Just let conversation flow naturally like it would with a close friend or family member but remember to use kino-escalation and set a sexual frame.

Download all of David DeAngelo's material, I think it will suit you best. Use the search bar on the website provided in the link at the top of this post. Just put in "David DeAngelo" and all the good stuff should come up

_________________
Want to sarge/wing? Pm me.

Well he reminds me of me too :)

You added a very solid point Krypt0n, it's about the now. We get too caught up in the 'possibilities' and let our anxiety take over. Then we only think of what can go wrong (She won't like me, I'll make a fool out of myslef, I'll screw this opportunity'...). This adds a ton of pressure and it's not helpfull in anyway.

A more healthy mind set would be to go in there thinking of all the good thing that could happen. And I'm not talking about sex right away, but rather just some good casual events that could happen ('I'll make her laugh', 'We'll have an intersting conversation', 'Let's just see how she reacts to this',...). Don't get emotionally involved in the outcome and anxity and stress levels will go down a few notch.

Thanks for all the answers! I do know how to use torrents so I ll download it asap and listen to it!

I ll keep you guys updated with my progress


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Cheerz,
The Dj.

I can now bench over my body weight but I started with just the bar and gradually increased my weight!

For the retarded or slow:

You picked a target that intimidated you as your abilities were lacking or because you were not experienced in the situation. You need to build up gradually, and conquer things such as Aproach Anxiety before other things come into play.

Hell I strike out with HB10's most of the time, but 8-9's are a lot easier then when I started.

_________________
"That's how you become great, man. Hang your balls out there!"--Copy store clerk (Jerry Maguire)

I know what you mean but the point is that the hotter the HB is, its more rare to find one, so not talking to one when you see it makes you feel even worse

Plus I didn't pick this target, she just happened to be on the same train!

Thats oneitis thinking my friend.
You dont know her, you'll probably not see her again. But theres a good chance that she was an axe murderer, or watched paint dry as a hobby.
You'll walk out the door tommorow and see 20 more hotter/ interesting girls.

Damn you are so right