I number closed my first one a couple of weeks ago, had text banter, but she eventually flaked. Tried again.

Last night I have a couple of drinks with a friend after work. Just two pints, I'm not drunk or anything. Before we split to get different Underground lines I buy a packet of scampi Nik Naks. For those of you who don't know, these are the world's smelliest crisps. A cruel and unusual torture is to grind one of these into someone's carpet - they'll be overpowered by the smell of fish for days.

Anyway, I digress.....

I walk along the platform eating my crisps and see a HB8 standing alone. I walk past about two yards and stop, not really thinking about sarging her. Train comes and she sits right next to me. There were other seats free but not so many that this is a definated proximity IoI. She doesn't look at me or say anything but I don't sense a bitch shield either.

So I think "fuck it" and as I finish my crisps I say:

ME: "Hey, have you got a tissue or something? I've got scampi Nik Naks all over my hands now"
HER: (not shocked, just smiling) "No, sorry. Nothing."
ME: "Oh well. Apologies for the smell. Thanks"

I lean back and think its failed. Then I think, might as well find out so:

ME: "How was your night?"
HER: "I'm just going out now, to a friend's house for a party" (it's 8pm)
ME: "That's nice. You brought the booze too?" (indicate at her bag with wine bottles)

... exchange a few more lines of fluff...

ME: "Okay, I'm getting off in a minute but before I do I've got to ask you something"
HER: "Okay..."
ME: "Who would win a fight between a bear and five monkeys with swords?" (stole this off a thread on here)
HER: (Laughs).... fluff talk answer... says a bear cos monkeys aren't so smart
ME: "But what if it's the PG Tips chimpanzees? They can wear suits and make tea and everything" etc

Anyway, her station came up next and she gave me a nice smile and got off. No close. Where did I blow it?

Im a complete beginner (im at the point where i've read shiz but not done anything yet lol) but why use that crazy opener halfway though the conversation? as far as i know strange opinion openers are useable because you open with them, make the girl laugh then move on to a more normal conversation, instead you started off normal and moved onto some weird question about monkeys lol.

Other than that i'd say you did well starting a conversation etc and shouldnt beat yourself up about not closing.

I am lost as to why you threw this out there? You could have said alsorts of openers to get her interested before hand and then she probably would have spoke more to you in stead of making her sound like a rape victim. I agree you moved the conversation well etc but you should have said more interesting things to hook her then closing would have been easier, hell if I did not have plans I would have found out more about the party and push. I mean if you did not get her you could have found someone at the party no doubt-unless it is a slumber party!

Please carry some form of mint, mouthwash, bleach to remove the smell that would associate you as being throat fucked by a fisherman. It didn't really work as as a good opener because it DLV for having smelly breathe., but imagine if you did all the above and went to the party you would have to sneak upstairs to brush your teeth.

(Would you go on a night out with out protection?)

_________________
"That's how you become great, man. Hang your balls out there!"--Copy store clerk (Jerry Maguire)

Ta for feedback. Yeah, the whole smell thing was because I was on my way home (about four stations, about 6 minute ride) and not expecting to sarge. Thus I thought I'd treat myself to these crisps that I rarely eat and then suddenly I'm caught with my pants down (figuratively) when suddenly a sarging opportunity falls into my lap.

I suppose the fundamental lesson is what you said - be prepared at all times.

Oh, I'm well groomed so that was the only weakness. I picked the opener to try situational, and cos I figured she had to have noticed the smell.

As for the monkey thing - yeah, dunno why I picked that one. Felt like I didn't have time to do a DHV story and risked stalling out in the fluff. She didn't look at all uncomfortable and she gave me a wave and smile as she got off.

Still, felt good to have opened and its all a learning experience