Hi everyone.

Here is my story. I was with my ex for quite a long time and when I went abroad, we decided to continue this relationship (BTW, I'm still abroad for an unknown time). I broke up with her 4 months ago while I was in another country. We didn't break up because of the distance but because some questions about the long-term arose and we didn't seem to think the same.

Right after the break-up, I told her we can be friend, so we kept chatting on MSN but she always had that "busy" attitude (while was always desiring to talk to me on SPAM a couple weeks before). Anyway, I was fed up with this attitude so I decided not to talk to her. I ended up sending an email to her somewhere around a month later, to ask about her and tell her I missed her. She answered saying that she felt the same but still she didn't want to be hurt later. She wrote 2 lines to this email.

I answered something saying indirectly: sorry for this mail, I'll never to this again (we'll never be together again). Resolved not to write to her again.

3 weeks later, she sends me a message on my MSN (hi, how are you? how is everything) while I was offline. I decided not to answer this kind of message. I didn't but she came back sending me an email with the subject "how are you?" and nothing in the body of it. I answered saying I was ok and surprised about the message.

She said she's trying the grown-up thing and be friends, telling me about her life.... I reminded her that I meant it when I said I wanna be friends when we broke and went on with the chatting, telling her what was going on with my life (everything is good actually). In the end, I told her to make her best smile for me and said a joke we had about smiling but still acting as a friend.

Later, while connecting to my hotmail account I saw her MSN lines saying "n0t always smiling" and later "celibassy sucks".

I'm curious about this. She says that she wants to be friend and then makes some lines about our situation.

Is she scared of seeing me walking away and tries somehow to make me react?

What would be a good way to talk to her about these lines without seeming to be too intrusive?

Thank you for reading.

Ask yourself, are you sending mixed signals? She's likely in a very emotionally confused state regardless - hence the weird away messages.

As far as the whole reason you two broke up... was there no compromise? Was there no way you could have postponed that talk until you could have time to sit down face-to-face and work something out?

If not, then make time to do so if you value your relationship. Breaking up from across the globe is a baaaaad idea if you have a shadow of hope for the relationship.

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Thank you Charlie.

I know how bad it is to break up from far away and we didn't really talk about it. The problem why we broke up was about religion. We are from 2 different religions and she knew that I would marry only a girl from my religion. Even the day I left, we were talking about this in confidently and I said that again. And still no problem. We were even joking about it as always

But when the issue came back, the distance becoming an issue (about 1 month after I left) she was taking this very seriously. I've always been clear about my desires and never pushed her to choose a religion without personal beliefs and she said that she thought we were more than that. Of course, I loved the girl for who she was but, nevertheless, we were talking about something serious and somehow different than love. We are talking about raising kids and other things.

What I told her was to not rush it because we never know what will happen and that this is not the time yet to raise this issue. In my mind, I was not even planning to marry in the next 3-4 years but she thought it was against her.

The distance was not good thing actually and everytime I was trying to talk about the break-up, she was like can we talk later, I gotta go or some other thing. It really sadden me cause I thought we were both adults. Anyway, we never talked about it and I was hoping for a chance to be together again. And I'm still secretly hoping for it sometimes (and for the opposite at times). But I guess that's the way it is.

I know I said something about what I want in my marriage and I haven't changed my mind. Should I give up my dreams and personal wants to save the relationship? No, cause sometimes the issue will just pop-up. No, because this is who I am.

But I know deep inside that without the distance, never this would have been an issue and if she were in front of me, it wouldn't take more than a minute to have her kissing me.

I was holding off on replying because I'm very biased in your situation, but nobody else has responded, so here goes.

You're extremely closed minded.

You have two options: You can either change, and be tolerant of another person's beliefs and find a way to coexist, or limit your sarging to your place of worship because that's the only place where you're going to find people you can tolerate.

In either case, I wish you luck.

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No trees were killed in the sending of this message but a large number of electrons were terribly inconvenienced.