yes your right, i dont have one-itis which is good. She messaged me again asking me to help her with her english paper. I responded "what is your average in english class". She stopped messaging again interested in her emotionally anymore.

Gustave,

If she keeps ignoring you like this then it's time to move on! She sounds flakey and it's just not worth the time investment.

Jon

_________________
Been around the world twice, Talked to everyone once...

J smooth this is a great thread.... this last week i took a vacation to denver, colorado. while there i met some 10s/9s right before i had to leave, we had flurty convo's, and i collected their facebook info. now im planning to head out there to go boarding this winter. should i start building attraction and comfort now, or should i wait so i dont build to much comfort and end up in the LJBF zone. ive never really picked up girls that lived about 16 hours away before so this is kinda new to me.

J,

Whaddup bro? So I just moved to a new city and don't know too many people... yet. I am pretty busy, so I figured I would give POF another try. The problem is, I am not a fan of my POF profile. I belive the it really needs to be revamped and have had some major writers and reading block the past few months. I haven't been able to come up with anything decent.. Anyway, if you have a moment take a look, and tell me what you think...

http://www.plentyoffish.com/member13621333.htm

Much appreciated.
CK

_________________
success is my only mother fucking option, failure is not.

Greatd,

I would wait a bit before messaging them. Just like you said you can only build so much attraction with them online. You can't kino to show you interest in them since you aren't in person. You have to be careful going sexual because you could creep them out. All we can really do is talk to them and build comfort and doing too much of that puts us as a friend.

You are working the situation the right way Greatd.

Jon

_________________
Been around the world twice, Talked to everyone once...

Chino,

Hey Buddy! I'd be happy to help you out with the profile that you linked me to. The first thing most people notice about profiles is photos. Chino you have done an excellent job here of having multiple photos. Furthermore, you have photos of you with both men and women showing you have healthy relationships with each and thus giving you a DHV spike there of Pre-Selection.

One thing about your photos that I noticed is that almost all of them are of you out in a club or bar. Now I recently had the same problem and I actually had feedback from girls on this. If we can get a few photos of you at home, doing your workout, or maybe playing a sport would be good. Just a little variety! We just don't want it to look like you do nothing but go out. It can turn off certain types of women.

When it said what you are looking for you said "Hang Out." Now I haven't been on that site in a while do you have an option to change it to relationship? The reason is simple women identify with that a little better. NOW with that being said no one says you can date girls until you find "the one" right? Women respect that too but they want to know there is a chance for a relationship basically.

For your profession you said "Being Awesome." Okay, personally I thought this was pretty fun and it made me crack a smile. I like the playful tone that you establish in your profile with this comment and you continue it through your profile. However, we don't want to be seen as arrogant so some areas we might have to pull back a touch.
This is what you have for your About Me Section. Now one of the biggest things that is missing is we need you to write about the type of girl you are looking for with some detail but not so detailed we disqualify everyone on the site. A good short paragraph about the type of personality she'd have, and things she would be into should be fine. Without that they don't know if they will match up to you well or not.

I wouldn't change this much, this is personal opinion but if it was me I would reword this a little bit. If you haven't updated your profile much anyways it might be a time to use something different.

"My friends nicknamed me "Wild Card" because of my spontaneous and fun loving nature. There is never a dull moment around me. I'm as smart as a kitten and a very compelling person. I live an active lifestyle so it's important you are outgoing. I tend to keep things light and funny. There is very little I get stressed out about.

I am looking for the type of girl who.........(fill in the blank)

I'm a blast to be around so if you're up for some fun then send me a message." (Call the reader to action at the end of any profile)"

Finally, you wrote This might be a little over the top with the cocky funny type stuff. I would consider removing the getting in my pants line. I know why we have it here but it could throw off a lot of women.

"My ideal first dates would have to be wrestling crocodiles, getting a tatoo, joining a polar bear club, or maybe skydiving. If you have something you can add to the list let me know as I'm always looking for new challenges!"

Again, we are calling the reader to action and keeping it the interaction playful and fun to your personality. The only other thing I can make sure to suggest is to update your profile about every few weeks. Change your default picture, and reword your about me. As you do this your profile will appeal to different people and give you more chances for success.

I hope this helps you out Chino, please let me know if you need anything else.

Jon

_________________
Been around the world twice, Talked to everyone once...

J,

I could kiss you. Fantastic advice brotha. You truly are the king of online dating. I felt that I came off a bit arrogant and/or goofy. I didn't really it and felt that could be why I havent been getting as many girls messaging me back. Anyway, I really appreciate the advice... I am going to put a bit more thought into it and use all of your advice. I have just been sooo exhausted the past few weeks that I haven't been able to think of anything new. My about me is a recycled one from a few months back.

Anyway, any suggestions for a headline?

Also, I have been sending out a few different messages. this is the main one.... Let me know what you think as well...
Again, thanks for your time.

CK

_________________
success is my only mother fucking option, failure is not.

Hey Chino,

You are 100% right I should have considered the headline. I would make it something off the wall and adventurous much like yourself "wildcard." You might put "Anyone for Gator Wrestling?" or something like that. Maybe even something that would be a date. One of my best headlines was "Laser Tag Anyone?" We want to stay away from the normal stuff. #1 it's not you and secondly it's boring.

Remember to also update and try new profile headlines about each week to two weeks to again appeal to more people. I'll be sending you something more about Headlines in PM.

I like what you wrote but as an alternative and instead of using questions that could seem like she is qualifying to you because some girls just won't because they don't know us yet, I would consider a more direct approach for you. You have the moxy to pull it off. Perhaps something like

"I saw your profile thought you were interesting and just had to know something very important. I need know the answer to this before I get to know you better. Are you little more of a country person or more rock n roll?

I'm making it playful that we are showing interest by going more direct which isn't a big deal because our actions for messaging her show that anyways. Then we tell her we want to get to know her better, but we become playful with this. I would definitely include the smily as to show playfulness.

Jon

_________________
Been around the world twice, Talked to everyone once...

I have something similar in my profile which is the question "what do you do for fun?" and my answer was

Everything I do is for fun."

I thought that was pretty cool until a friend commented that I needed to be a little more serious in otherparts of my "profile just to give it more credibility and that don't just have fun and not take anything in life seriously

So, I didn't want to change that first part, so in the part about "favorite hotspots" I put "in the classroom with the kids, teaching children math, science and how to be good people" to kind of show that.

Just thought I'd give a different perspective.

J Smoooth, seriously you are really an asset to guys around here and I am saddened just to think of the day when people won't be able to turn to you for advice.

that said, I get this question a lot: "Why did you join xxxx?"

I have a couple of canned answers to this and wanted to know what you think of them:

Here is one:


I really like the idea of getting to know someone really well before I actually meet them and I figured I can't do any worse here than any of the smoke and drunk filled bars.

I know why they are asking, I'm just not sure that I know what they want to hear.

p.s. Not sure if you remember me from asking for a bit of advice a couple of weeks ago, but I finally did meet her and it was disappointing. Her picutres were of a pretty face, 8.5 at least. In person she was dumpy and hips the size of the grand canyon. Would you recommend not even bothering with a chick who doesn't show a CLEAR full body pic?

happy 4th!

Ali

Hey J
Thanks for the reply
I messaged the girl but with the second thing i wrote (i did it before i got a reply)
and she replied with this

"That's cool yeah I used to work with ****- which ********* did u work at? I went to the one in ****"

I replied with this - "I was a ********** at the one in ************ for about a year when ***** was working the bar, I dont work there anymore but I still go. Have you ever been to the one in ******?"

now i replied to her with that about a week ago and I got no reply from her
should i message her again? if so what should i say?? i want to at least make an attempt...


now we have a completely different girl on plentyoffish
this one is much easier. she messaged me and showed pure interest. she said this - "you are cute. Love your profile, you seem like a guy who is successful and has a good head on his shoulders."

what should i say...or more specific...how quickly do you progress with a girl who is interested in you?


sorry for all the *****. just tryin not to get all my business out on the internet even though everyone here is my bro and i appreciate all the help from everyone

_________________
Been around the world twice, Talked to everyone once...

Alisterio,

Wow, a day when I might not be posting on the forum. Right now that's hard to imagine but one day that will happen. But until then let's get on to your post.

First of all, the question is kind of bullshit in my opinion. That isn't to say that you shouldn't answer it but if you are on a online dating site and they are on and online dating site. Gee maybe you joined to meet people, just an educated guess. I think what you wrote is a pretty good answer.

Most of the time I give an answer similar to that. I will say something like, "Well, I can go out and strike up a conversation with anyone, but that doesn't mean that we'll get along. Besides you know what it's like in bars or clubs. I came here so I'd have a better shot at a relationship. What about you?"

I give myself a little DHV by showing that I'm social. I build rapport with them like you did by showing bars and clubs are not good. And then go forth to show I want a relationship. Something like this or what you wrote is my typical response. So I think you handled that really well.

In your second question you were talking about getting burned due to some head shot photos. You can ask some of my friends I have been the victim of this several times. I'm a pretty nice guy for the most part with women. I talk to them but I'm pretty physically and verbally cold to them, if you know what I mean. No kino and not adding a lot to conversation. At the end of the date they already know it's coming but I tell them that I just don't "Feel IT." Most understand, and the rest will figure it out. But be honest.

Yes, as a general rule I don't go anywhere without seeing a body photo because I hate to say it but there is a certain amount of physical attractiveness I require. I think everyone is at that point really. When you are faced with pictures like that try and see the arms if you can that'll give you an idea. If you can't then request more pictures of them by asking for a Facebook or MySpace.

Hope that helps out buddy,

Jon

_________________
Been around the world twice, Talked to everyone once...

Hey Biggunz113,

Don't worry about all the ****** I get the idea! I can understand the need to keep some things private when you are on a forum like this. You said that you sent her that message and you haven't received anything back from her in about a week. I would do something very simple because we really don't have a lot to go on. Perhaps, something as simple as "Hey, haven't heard back from you. Did you drop off the face of the earth, or just been really busy? So tell me did you ever go to the one ***** in ******?"

I like the either/OR type of question because this gives them a really easy way to respond back to you. She knows she hasn't messaged you back and this is an easy way for her to use the built in excuse she's been busy and get you talking to her again, and you are reinitiating the conversation by asking her another question. If she doesn't respond to this then we are just done.

As for the girl on plenty of fish. If she is giving you that many statements of interest up front then I don't think you are going to have much of a problem. With a girl like this your goal is not to goof things up. As long as we don't say anything to creepy to set off a red flag you're good.

As far as what to say I don't have her profile so I can't come up with something specific. I will tell you that since she showed interest to you I would show some back. It's kind of like rewarding for good behaviour. If you can say something positive back to her that'd be nice. This is kind of generic but hope it helps.

"Thanks for the compliments. After looking at your profile I think we could get along, you seem like a cool girl. I'd like to get to know you a little better through email, and as long as you aren't some online stalker we'll take it from there. Tell me something interesting about yourself."

This basically shows that we like her with a statement of interest. And we set the tone that if she continues to be cool she is going to get a date. Then we ask her to qualify a bit to us which shouldn't be an issue since she likes you.

From here I would go no more than a few (3 or 4) good mesages back and forth before asking for a # and probably even a date. This is when online becomes about feel its easy for you to message back and forth with this person, and you two are just clicking into place then escalate faster. Go ahead and ask her when you can meet, and then ask her for her number. Because once you have a date setup you need a way to confirm!

Good luck,

Jon

_________________
Been around the world twice, Talked to everyone once...

JSmooth,

Quick shit-test question that came back to me after a copy and paste opener email (that has had a very good response rate).

"What attracted you to email me?"

Normally I'd say read her profile a bit more and see if anything in particular stands out, or is that what every guy does. I feel with online dating I can too easily slip into friend zone without running much game / flirting! Or do I be honest and say I found her attractive and that its impossible to tell what someone is really like through her profile and I'd have to meet them in person.
Thanks again.