I've been dating a girl about six months now and we both really love each other. The promblem is now that it is more serious, im constantly worrying about her cheatin. I also feel like im becoming to attached(i.e. i get offended if she doesnt call back, or respond to me right away etc) too attached. I dont like feelin like a little pussy afc and i do want to stay in the relationship but how can i become the dominant one in it again? How do i put the pants back on? I've heard the one who cares less always has more power is this tru? should i be like that? plz help thanks

Dude,

u just need to always realize that u can get another girl in a heartbeat, and be willing to do it, act like it. She sais something u don't like,.. u hang up the phone and say "whatever"

keep your chin up! don't pussy out here!

I am having the exact problem, and its only been a coulpe of days. I gusse the reply above is on point when he says keep in mind you can get another girl in an instant. But I do understnad your view, you want to stop all this DHV all this alpha male and just be norimal and get the girl to like you for who you are. Its hard but I gusse if it doesnt end up good we will all learn a lseeon. I think the best way to care less is keep your mind on other things, be it other girls, World of WArcrafts or your carreer. That way your not thinking about her as much and so won't worry. Thats my advice on treating some of the sypmtoms. I dont really know how you can become dominant again.

In my opinion, a fear of your partner cheating translates directly to a feeling of insecurity about your own ability to attract girls and keep them.

And yeah if you are focusing on other parts of your life and building your life up, you have other things to think about than her.

Yea. Dude I was in your shoes too.. What made it worse was I was overseas for 4 months. I was a full on attention seeking loser that I became all of asudden.. You really need to keep yourself busy but that's not enough. Because when you're not busy in the 10 mins.. you feel like messaging her, and when she doesn't message back, you get all fired up and can't do anything again.

Like the others here said, i guess change your mentality of how you think of things yourself.

Fyi, things didn't work out for me. And it probably won't if you continue like that too.

thanks guys just needed a reality check ya know.

Heh, Im in the exact same position as you Libra. I just had my 6 month anniversary with my gf. We dated for 5 months in college then all of a sudden we were separated after we graduated. Now we are gonna try the LDR, but i'm afraid its gonna be really hard. Like you, I also worry about her going out with her friends, getting hit on by guys, and cheating. Sometimes just thinking about it really gets to me that I can't think logically anymore and I don't know what to do. I fear i'm becoming too needy and I guess we are alike in that regard.

I have always been a sensitive guy, but pua taught me how to be more confident. However, once I found a girl I fell in love with, I felt like I became so vulnerable and like an afc again because I just wanted to be myself. I think we are able to pick up girls, but our inner game can still use some work.

I think its imporant to trust someone you love because if you can't do that, it will eventually ruin the relationship. Now I definately know thats easier said than done, but I think it just takes time getting used to it. Keeping busy will definately help and creating a life where you are happy without out her is important too (i'm working on this now). Like anything else we have learned in life, it takes practice. I love my gf with all my heart and its extremely difficult, but I know that I have to be able to survive without her. In order to have a girl, you need to be able to let her go too. I guess I don't have that much advice, but I wanted to let u know that u aren't alone! PM me if you talk more about it because that always helps and maybe we can learn something from each other! Good luck

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Rise up, rise up, rise up

Its not about how you fall...its about how you pick yourself up after you've fallen

nothing in this world thats worth having comes easy

What I like to point out from what Risen has said is the fact that once you get into a relationship you feel vunerable, almost like an AFC. Anyone wonder why or how we become like this.

This feeling of vunerabilty can be seen as a phobia, fear of something without any reason. I would like to compare this to claustrophobia - the fear of small spaces. When we were AFC we were claustrophobics - we were scared, had limiting belives and were afraid to confront it. Now lets go through the path of a AFC to having a realtionship to becomind AFC all of a sudden cause of the realtionship.

The AFC is the claustrophobic - stuck in a very small place, with absolutly no space. Imagine that girls or targets are space. So this AFC reads about pick up and goes out and gets girls - this claustrophobic attains more space. He realises that there are almost an unlimited number of space out there that he can gain - unlimited number of girls for the AFC. With this belive in his mind and with so much space around him the AFC/claustrophobic is flying freely through space without no fear at all. Until....he finds the perfect space - his favorute space that for some reason makes him happy. And this is the AFC's girlfriend. Now the AFC is forced to stay with his girlfriend - just as the claustrophobic decides to stay in his favourite space.

Only after some time does the claustrophobic realise that he is back to square one - he is back in his small space. And this time there is no way out, no windows, no doors - nothing. Yet he has chosen to stay there - for this is his favourite place. Imagine how he feels - this is excatly how we are feeling rite now. Trapped - but at the same time not wanting to let go this girl.

What is the solution? Well there is a SPAM for the symptom - find more space. Yes seriously - stop spendin so much time with this one girl and go make freinds with new girls. You dont have to F-close every girl you meet or have a realtionship with her. But it will give you options - more space should I say. This is the claustrophobic creating doors, windows and leavine his favourite place once in a while.

But this is not the cure - its only a short term SPAM for those who really need it, I would advice you guys to try this out before trying the cure.

Like the cure for any phobia - the cure for this suddne AFC-ness is to confronting your fear.

Have you considered that you feel AFC because you are afraid that now she spends all her time around you, she will "find out" you're not that cool, or something?

If you are still able to be the cool guy she was attracted to, then there shouldn't be a problem. If you've built your life up the way you want and are heading down the path you want, then this should be no problem, because you have no choice but to be you because this is who you are.

If on the other hand you feel like you've attracted her by "gaming" her, putting on a show with lines and tricks, and not being yourself, then of course you'll feel AFC. The tricks you used to get there won't last forever, and she WILL find out who you really are.

But you must admit Conker that things do change when you get into a relationship. I mean before this realtionship I did a alot of attraction jus walking along with this girl, yet now we sit down and hold hands and do all this lovey dovey stuff. I am in a totally new sitution, I mean sure its a much intimate position but when your at home waiting for her call or text, it makes it worse knowing that this girl snoged you senseless just a couple of hours ago - but isnt bothered to text you now. All these question start popping in your head and you dont want that. Even if your life is cool - there is this new person in your cool life now and you dont feel like losing them. I dont know maybe i willl try countinue as before - but it really doesnt seem like the way.

To quote David Deangelo, men need to be supportive without being needy. Nothing drives a woman away faster and a woman wants to be with a man who APPRECIATES her but doesn’t NEED her. In my opinion, I would love nothing more than to let down all my defenses and just love her with all my heart without fear of being hurt. But the reality of the situation is that you still need to protect yourself no matter how much you love your gf because u never know what will happen. I’ve come to the realization that you still need to be a challenge and be the person your gf first fell in love with. It’s easy to become a total AFC after you and your gf are in love, but you still need to be a man. I’m not sure if I am totally right, but its just been something that I’ve been thinking a lot about. Hope it helps.

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Rise up, rise up, rise up

Its not about how you fall...its about how you pick yourself up after you've fallen

nothing in this world thats worth having comes easy

Yes I like that idea a lot. But can you go into a bit more detail into it? Or tell me where DavidD says it. Thanks

You need to find out why that changes everything so badly.

If you are the kind of person who sits around waiting for a reply and assuming they are "not bothered" to reply back, instead of knowing that the point of a text message is it's asynchronous, not real time, meaning you can read and reply when it's convenient, then you aren't the strong alpha male you should be. If you actually do need an instant reply, you phone her!

I'm in the same situation... sometimes I feel that I care too much to what goes on with her. But its all about how you view things. When i start feeling like this, I reframe myself. I tell myself this is my life and I shouldn't care about what she does when she's not with me. This is my world and she is a part of it. What I do is really what's important. After a couple of minutes I'm usually back in control and can be totally supportive without having any doubts about what she could be doing. We all wish that our girlfriends could be there every time for us when we need support, but the truth is that we need to support ourselves. We all need to be able to live on our own just fine if we cant see each other. It takes some work, but try to reframe yourself. It really helps...

the problem with that is that the things that get the girl are the things that keep the girl so you have to hardwire this shit into your brain. theres a balance between being a pussy, and being the guy that never calls his gf you just have to find it