I got this girl's number a couple weeks ago, and am in a situation where she doesn't seem to answer the phone or respond to messages that well, but when I meet her in real life she seems to show a lot of interest...

After getting her number, I tried organising to meet her out on the weekend, but she didn't respond to the message, so I just let it be. Then a few days later, I got a message apologising for being MIA as she was busy with schoolwork, and she'd love to catch up. I met up with her and her friend at a bar a few days later, and she was very friendly, showing lots of interest and jumped at the opportunity to hang out again on the weekend (her idea). It was implied that we would meet up either Saturday or Sunday to watch some DVDs. After leaving the bar, I sent her a quick message telling her to look me up on facebook and I'll send her a funny video we were speaking about - she hasn't added me yet.

I sent her a message the day before just confirming that we'd be watching movies on Sunday, and didn't get a response. Today, I tried calling to no response, and messaged her but also no response.

She seems impossible to contact by text/phone, but I don't really get disinterested vibes in real life. Anyone have any idea why there could be this inconsistency?

Instincts say she has a boyfriend. And she will get caught out if she answers wrongly on the phone either voice or text.

very possible she does have a boyfriend.

look her up on facebook, it will give u an opportunity to see if she does have a boyfriend as well.

Don't have her last name so can't find her on facebook, but I don't think that's necessarily the case - she's an international student and has only been here for a couple of months, plus I've been out with her and her friend twice, and both times it was just them and noone else...

Anyway so since she flaked and became uncontactable when we had roughly organised to watch DVDs at some point on the weekend, that means that my last few messages have gone unresponded to (first one telling her to facebook add me, second one on saturday confirming we were hanging out sunday afternoon, third one on sunday after trying to call her asking what she's up to in the afternoon)... Should I even respond if I get a message from her in the next few days? What's the best way to play this? I just find it weird that she's so unavailable by phone/text, when in person it was her idea to hang and watch DVDs on the weekend, and she seemed to jump at any additional chances to hang out (suggested we go back to that bar for trivia night, etc).

Okay, did some looking on facebook and managed to find her but her profile is private which means I have to add her as a friend first... Bad idea? Should I wait for her to add me?

I would wait for her to add you.

With the phone/text issue with calling not everyone receives calls as much as they do texts. Almost everyone texts, and they recieve them faster then they do a phone call and via voice mail. Dont text as much either or you look like you dont have any friends and have to much time on your hands.Try to go out with some friends and text her saying something along the lines of Me and some friends are going to this club... Hit me up if you think you can dance...? If she doesnt hit you up her loss because you are still going out and having fun.

I think you need to get more comfortable with her in person more, build her attraction higher and demonstrate higher value to her.

_________________
Just Like Chess I know the Rules-- And I bet I Checkmate her in like 4 moves--Trey Songz
Not Every girl is going to be instantly attracted to you it is what you do that makes them attracted to you.

Insta-Date or something next time you see her. This happens to me a lot. Girls that are totally interested in-person but over texting and over the phone they seem very dismal. Its very confusing. But thats kind of the only conclusion I'd have, when your presence is there it is harder to resist you than simply reading a text with your name above it. Or listening to your voice, which is better than texting but not as good as in-person.

Hi mrxciteable ,

I think this maybe important. To me you've met the girl in the flesh and got on well. Why bother with the Facebook stuff? It seems to me like a pull back from real contact a real relationship. maybe I'm wrong and have missed something but what's the problem with trying to continue this offline. offline to online implies that it will only be friendship. Think about it. Work out what you want as the net is a means to an end not the end itself.

For me it's online as little as possible, move it to offline. When it goes to offline what advantage is there to take it back to online?

Sad but I think she's fucked you around. You tried to contact her a few times. Give it a rest. I know it's tough especially when you got on really well. I sometimes still have twinges regarding girls I met years ago. But learn and move on. there will be others, even better. And you know what you will be better for them

Sounds like she is teasing you and your falling for it. Send her a message telling her something along the lines of get back to you when she wants to hang out again and then wait for her to respond. Don't send her any more text messages or call her until she calls you or texts you back. You are allowing her to control the relationship here. You need to take control back by pulling away and making her chase you if she is truly that interested in you.

I haven't sent any more messages or tried to contact her again, but haven't heard back from her yet either... Just find that I'm getting slightly mixed messages between real life meetings and then when I actually try to contact her (which seems near impossible without chasing).

Several things which indicated she wanted to see me again from the meeting included:

- She asked what I was doing on the weekend and then suggested that I should 'totally bring some DVDs over and hang out'.
- She also said that anytime I'm bored and want to have a lazy day I should just call her.
- When I mentioned a local tourist destination I'd never been to, she jumped at the idea and said 'I'd go see it with you' without me even inviting her yet.
- Before leaving, she said something along the lines of 'see you this weekend'.
- Before I left, I gave her a kiss on the cheek and said goodbye, she rubbed my arm gently and said it was good seeing me again.

The first message (of 3) I sent up until now was in the cab on the way home, as we were talking about a movie she hadn't seen, so I sent a message saying 'Yo add me on facebook 'xxx xxx' and i'll send you the youtube link for that movie'.

Second message was Saturday afternoon, just to confirm that we still had plans that weekend 'Movie/DVD session tomorrow afternoon?'.

Third (and final message) was on Sunday after trying to call and not getting response, just a 'Hey what you up to this afternoon?'

I've left things there... I'm afraid to send any more messages as I don't want to come across as desperate, but I don't want to only be in contact with her on her own terms either... Not quite sure where to proceed from here. If she does end up calling/messaging me in the next few days, should I be unavailable? (ie. not respond for a long time, or just be busy for whatever day she tries to arrange something)

The other thing which I noticed just judging from what year the facebook search says she graduated college, is that she might be ~5 years older than me, which is unexpected because I assumed she was around my age, and her friend is my age. Not sure if that changes things at all.

Hi mrxciteable ,

I think you're putting yourself through an emotional wringer. I've been there plenty of times. You've fallen for her (not a criticism btw as I find it hard to detach a bit) I think you want to know why she isn't interested. let's face it after 3 contacts from you she hasn't been bothered. It hurts a bit as you got on well and here's an important bit, she said she wanted more. There is a conflict - why would someone say they want to meet again yet not respond to a contact?

IMHO you need to move on and accept this one didn't work out. You may have to accept that you simply will never know why.

Ok IF she does contact you I wouldn't play games and fuck her around. Just arrange to meet and get it together as best you can

I gather you're fairly young. The age difference may have been important. When we are younger, 5 years gap can seem vast. As people get older I've found they are less concerned with age difference

It's been a while and I've refrained from contacting her at all, and haven't heard from her either... Slowburner has it right in that I do tend to put myself through an emotional wringer, especially when it's someone I like as a person and all signs pointed to her liking me as well (until she flaked).

I'm wondering 2 things:
- Is it worth trying to initiate one more time now that a couple of weeks have passed?
- Is it a bad thing to call girls out on being flakes? Like if I send a message and jokingly nickname her 'flake', for example...

Perhaps it's a cultural thing? You mentioned she is an international student; what country is she from? I say don't worry too much about her. You're probably over-thinking thing . I'm thinking you might get better results if you change up the wording of your approach. Instead of doing the small talk chit-chat why don't you just strait out invite her to something you're already doing: "My friends and I are going out to ______, come join us if you're free." It's not so much a question but a statement. It's also less pressure on her as a 'date' because you're already out somewhere doing something and she's being invited as an accomplice to the event.

~Antithesis

She might just be a flake. Simple as that.

I talked to this one girl, really cute, I really wanted her, and I still do.

We'd talk and she'd be real flirty and we'd talk about doing something together. And we'd talk on myspace too and we'd text a bit, but we never really hung out on our own. And as it turns out, she was talking to another guy, as well. It didn't bother me, I was talking to other girls too, so I just stopped talking to her. But it just goes to show, sometimes the signs can be there, you've run a solid game, you think she's interested, but nothing happens.

Take a page from AFC Adam and work on abundance. That way you don't look like you're too eager or wanting her too bad, and if doesn't work out, oh well, plenty of other options.

Ok mate it looks as though you can't do anything to change the way things are. I know it sucks so let me tell you about a day 2 of mine which completely went to shit.

I met a girl. She was right into me. More into me than any girl I have ever met. I was even locked in to meeting up with her for a day 2 (at the Australia Day Test Match) by her friend who took my sunnies (Tooheys Extra Dry sunnies). We had a great night together and bounced to many different places (just myself and her) and built a really strong connection.

So a few days later I call to confirm the plans for day 2 and all was good. I was like shit yeah, I will buy a ticket to watch a cricket match and hang out with 2 smokin hot babes!

All was going good until a couple days before the match. She messaged me saying "Sorry I have just got back with my ex boyfriend... but still come along to the cricket." I was like wtf stupid girl. I replied "You still have my sunnies".

So she was going to meet up and give me back my sunnies but she didn't end up going along because she was sick. I was on the way to the match to get my sunnies from her friend but the match was over before I was even half way there.

So yeah my point here is that things happen that are out of your control just be thankful you didn't waste $70 on a ticket and lose a pair of Tooheys sunglasses. (I eventually got the sunnies back from her)