Hey Guys, here is my "about me" description. All improvements welcome:

I was going to try to describe how wonderful and amazing I am, how I've got my faults and weaknesses, but constantly strive to improve myself, and how I believe that you should leave someone better off, than they were, when you first met them.

But that would be like trying to explain the taste of Honey someone who had never tasted Honey before.
I could use all the adjectives and colourfully descriptive words I likes, but until you taste the honey, you will never truly understand it.

So go ahead, grab a spoon,taste the honey (or just send a message)


cheers in advance

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I LIKE CAKE

Your qualifying your self all the way threw your profile. Not only that it says nothing about you but the profile it self is AFC. I would over. But if you want to salvage your current one you may want to start off with something like:


I am suppose to describe my self here, but who the hell read these things any way? Its not like I am some guy in a cave with millions of dollars and wear a black suit at night.

I don't know I think the honey metaphor invokes lots of stimulation in the imagination of the reader.

Maybe chuck the first paragraph and replace with the suggested bit. And then modify the honey one to make sense without the chucked paragraph.

my 2 cents.

Thanks for the feedback guys. What do ye think of this updated version?


Hey, who said you could read my profile?!

I'm taking some time out from work now for a healthy dose of "personal growth & development", which basically means, I'm going to just focus on doing what I love and enjoying myself, for the next while. So if you feel you've got an interesting outlook on life and can add to my sense of fulfillment, feel free to contact me. If your first thoughts (after reading that I'm taking time our from work) were, what about the recession, then good luck to ya.

What will I add to your life? Well that would be like trying to explain the taste of Honey to someone who had never tasted Honey before.
I could use all the adjectives and colourfully descriptive words I like, but until you taste the honey, you will never truly understand it.

So go ahead, grab a spoon,taste the honey - but make sure your ready to enjoy it!

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I LIKE CAKE

Cute, can be funny with some girls.
This may be true, but a lot of girls will read this as "I am a lazy bum with no job". And I doubt to many girls will find this attractive really.
Girls may read this as "Since I have no job and a bum. I am looking for a girl to support me". I don't know your situation, but I think you may want to either reword your profile or make another one at this point. As it is not appealing to a girl.
This reinforces the underlining message from your profile so far.
Qualifying again. You be better off saying what you want relationship wise, than telling what you can bring to the table.
Not to wild about the honey thing. But if it fits who you are then leave it in.[/quote]

cheers jurupa.

how does this sound?

Hey, who said you could read my profile?!

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After a once in a lifetime year, working in Iraq, the time feels right to move home. Its been exciting out here but I want to get the balance back, so my main focus is going to be on doing what I love and enjoying myself. If you haven't forgotten how to have a good time and can add to my fulfillment, then by all means shoot me a line.
IF you're a drama queen save it for someone else. If you're looking for a guy to add meaning to, or complete your life, then wake up and realise only you can do that.
If you're here for a long time, not a good time, then we just ain't gonna click.

To describe myself, would be like trying to explain the taste of Honey to someone who had never tasted Honey before.
I could use all the adjectives and colourfully descriptive words I like, but until you taste the honey, you just won't get it.

So go ahead, grab a spoon,taste the honey - but make sure your ready to enjoy it!

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I personally like the honey analogy, but took out the qualifying part.

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I LIKE CAKE

Not bad, now to the not so good part.
You haven't given a girl a reason to what to add to your fulfillment. You may want to mention what you love doing before you went off to Iraq instead.
Kinda confused by what you mean by this.
Much better.

Also you may want to work on making your profile flow better.

Cheers for all the help Jurupa.

What I meant by the line "if you're here for a long time, not a good time..." was just a play on the saying "we're here for a good time not a long time". I've left it out though in the re-re-re-revised edition.

Again what do you think (hopefully I'm getting someway close)
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Hey, who said you could read my profile?!

Well seeing as you're here, you may as well read on.
To describe myself, well, that would be like trying to explain the taste of Honey to someone who had never tasted Honey before.
I could use all the adjectives and colourfully descriptive words I like, but until you taste the honey, you just won't get it.

What? You want to know more?!

Well if you must know, I'm moving home after a once in a lifetime year, working in Iraq. Why, may wonder? Because the time feels right.

Its been an exciting year, working in a war zone, having the office rock from explosions, the sound of gunfire in the background and the blistering sun baking down every day.

But like I say, the time is right to focus on doing the things I love and enjoying the things I do, like learning the guitar, developing material for stand-up, going out pubbing & clubbing, working out, chilling out, learning to surf, playing sport, lying out under a clear night sky and just feeling the amazement and wonderment that is life, etc. etc.


So, if you know how to have a good time and have something to offer, then go ahead, grab a spoon,taste the honey - but make sure your ready to enjoy it!

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I LIKE CAKE

I say its pretty much there, but for one part:
A girl may think you are crazy for being into such things. So you may want to rephrase it or change it up. As most girls aren't into guys that enjoy being in a war zone. Fix that and I say you got it.

jurupa man, your a legend.

changed the war zone part to this:

Its been an exciting year, and a once in a lifetime opportunity. I've met some very interesting people, from very different backgrounds and made some good friends here, who I will definitely remain in contact with. It was a lot of work over the past year, but it was interesting and some of the experiences have been great fun.


thanks dude

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I LIKE CAKE

Your welcome.