Hey guys,
Just got home from the bar, and now I'm feeling pretty awful. Let me give a little bg info on myself. I was practicing game starting about one year ago for a while and getting some success with women, but I never fully followed through and pretty much stopped. I was in a 4.5 year relationship over a year ago. Since then, I've dated a few girls but nothing that lasted more than one or two months. All my relationships tend to fizzle, and the girls eventually break all communication with me. I think this is because I am basically a very needy person. I feel very depressed and lonely most of the time and when I start seeing someone I quickly fall in love and want to just spend all my time with them because it fills this emptiness in me.

Anyway, I know this is probably the wrong place to be posting this, but I need to kinda get it off my chest and get it out there. I feel like none of my friends really understand how I feel, and I have no one to talk to about these things. In reality, I am a very physically attractive guy. Like, typically when I come into a bar the girls will scope me out and I've had several girls just come up to me and tell me how handsome I am in the past. I'm also smart and successful and talented, but I'm very moody and depressed most of the time. Whenever I get attention from women, everything changes. I become a very happy, social, comfortable person, and I just perform better over all. Like for instance, after a party where this cute girl was flirting and dancing with me all night long, the next morning I went to play tennis with my friend and my game was like 5x better than ever before. That's just because I was feeling confident, my mind was clear of all the negative thoughts that constantly run through it, and I could just focus and have fun.

I know I'm kinda ranting now, there's so much more I want to say...but let me get to the point of why I'm writing tonight this moment in particular. What drove me back to the community. I was feeling abnormally well all day. I went out to dinner and a movie with some old friends, then on the way home my roommate texts me and invites me to come to a popular local bar. When I meet her, she is hanging out with a few cute girls that I don't know. She introduces me and I could tell right away there is interest and some chemistry there. I could tell I am in this environment now where I need to play game, but I'm just not up for it. I'm not prepared, its like I've entered this different universe, the bar night-time world where people are interact differently. Everything I do and say is wrong, and I know it. But, in a sense I despise the whole idea of game. Yes, I just want to be myself and have people like me for who I am.

Anyway, I have headphones around my neck and my friend asks me what I'm listening to. The HB is there (one of the girls I just met), and all I say is "Nothing, its paused." And as I say this, I know I sound so AFC. I should have said something witty, or played some game. But I just was not in the mindset, and fumbled. I must have sounded so dull and drab. Now I'm just replaying in my mind everything I did wrong tonight. I then tell them about the movie I just saw, HB says "did you go alone?" I guess this is a shit-test. We just met, she is already testing me. I guess this means she is interested and wants to see how I stand up. What should I say here? I just say "No, I went with some old co-workers of mine." Another dull response. Because I'm not being playful enough, she loses interest it seems, and starts to turn away from me and my roommate.

Everyone seems like they've been drinking and are in a raucous good mood. I go get a beer to feel like I fit in better. I just realized that I forgot to even tip the bartender. Oops. I guess I was so self-conscious and trapped in my head I forgot basic bar etiquette. The HB, my target, I know she looks familiar. When I come back, I ask her if we've met before. She says "yeah we just met 5 minutes ago." Another playful remark, I try to get into it and go like "oooooooh yeah that's right" sarcastically. Anyway, so it turns out that we do know each other and met a long time ago, during which point I guess I failed at attracting her and maybe creeped her out a bit. Soon afterwards she starts basically acting like I don't exist, and walks around to her friends. She leaves with her friends, does not say bye to me, does not even make eye-contact. I feel like she is avoiding me, and it makes me really depressed. I want this girl, but I get the impression that she is disgusted by me. Why? I wish I could replay the whole situation, be more energetic, playful, and fun, and attract her.

Well, I just wanted to get this all out there. I need to get these thoughts out of my head, because otherwise, I just replay it over and over and it drives me crazy. I sink into this depressed state and I'm stuck in my own head and can't enjoy anything. What do you guys think? Am I right about my analysis of the night? Any suggetions? Knowing that there are others out there that have these frustrations and thoughts helps a lot. Thanks, now I'm off to sleep.

I know exactly how you are feeling mate in terms confidence being high when we have a girl attracted to us, our whole mindset changes and life becomes immense.

I wouldn't say we are needy, I would class it more as we are seeking external validation when we really shouldn't be. This is exactly what got me back to this forum, I had a thing going with a girl at work, was going so perfect and she told me she really really liked me and then it just went all horribly wrong. What annoyed the hell out of me like yourself is the fact I knew where I went wrong right after I made the mistake.

It does seem to be more inner game where we are lacking really. The beliefs about ourselves and the way our mind thinks shouldn't be "Oh I have a gf, life is great" it should be 'Life is great' period! Just slight changes to the way we see life, raises our energy levels and that comes through when interacting with girls.

Yes, I think you're right, but how to attain that perspective? I feel like I can't be happy unless I have a woman in my life, and I can't have a woman in my life unless I'm happy, so I'm trapped in this Catch-22. How do I break out of it?

Well I feel that I have reached the bottom and up is the only way from now on. I have fully accepted my current state, the issues I need resolving in terms of beliefs and have accepted the fact that change will happen and it will take time and a lot of effort.

Then I planned my actions. I have started to meditate to search within (I have two cousins who are highly into meditation and believe its a great tool to find the source of problems and change yourself within). I have ordered Hypnoitcas Confidence CD and awaiting the delivery of that. Also just reading the forums and articles about inner game for excercises etc. These are for the inner game development.

But as its not all about just reading and listening, going out and actually sarging is probably the most beneficial. So I have taken it upon myself to do the Newbie Challenge by Style and just get out there and have fun again.

Hope there are some ideas in there for you mate, also would love to hear from others on how they improved their inner game aspects and the results they got.

Look for a new hobby, take some evening classes, learn how to dance/cook, go to the gyms or other social events to break the emptiness.

When i had salsa lessons some months ago, it was always rushing from my work to the lessons. So i disliked it.
But after 5 minutes of dancing, all the negative energy was away and i enjoyed the dancing (and, of course, the view of some young nice ladies participating the lessons).

Just with some friends.
If the response is true, its good. If not, its also good as long as you dont give any details.

Try to change the subject after you answered "Just with some friends." into specific scenes of the movie.

Good first post and we can all relate to your position in some way.

I think Hasim hit the nail for me 'seeking external validation when we really shouldn't be'

How do we combat this by validating from within? I guess always keep inner game on top of mind. And don't beat yourself up!!

You need to sort yourself before other people are brought in. Plus it will be 100 times easier if you have strong inner game.

So time for your prescription;
I would try to make your life as good as it can be, don't like something remove it from your life. (eg a 'friend' always busts your balls get rid of them)

next, you should start various hobbies and chase the things you love doing.

Then realize how lucky you are, not in the ooh I could have been poor bullshit way I mean in day to day life. Acknowledge the times you jsut make it to the bus, or find some money or someone smiles or gives you discount in a store. That is the secret to luck, recognize luck and you get luckier and happier.

Also I think one of the guys did something where you can only think positive thoughts for a week or something. Hopefully they will find this and elaborate

Finally if you still don't feel awesome read The sacred path of the warrior by Chogyam Trungpa


ps the internal validation thing is massive as well, anytime you feel miserable ask yourself if it is external things creating it or internal. When it is external forget it be happy again you can't change the external so why change your mood over something you can't control.
That would be like feeling miserable everytime you feel hungry

dude, my advice to you is that you need to enjoy and love your life. take me for example, i am not that successful at picking up chicks but i still love and enjoy my life. not everything revolves around PUA stuff if you know what i mean

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GEM

-practice makes perfect! don't be afraid to take gambles in life

Dude, I totally feel you. I think I can relate more than people who say "just enjoy life" or "find hobbies" or "feel better". I know I'm a pretty good looking guy, I know I'm smart and ambitious and all that. But I just feel so "alien" in social situations, as if everyone else knows something that I don't. My biggest concern is that I don't think I show any charisma in social interactions. I'm one of the funniest/most sarcastic people I know, but whenever I talk to people I always just try to be polite and nice and I always come off as too serious. You nailed it with your "There's no music on." and "Some old co-workers" responses. It seems like that's all there is to say, and as soon as those words come out of my mouth, the girl seems to instantly know/sense that I'm not "the real deal". It pisses me off that girls talk to guys differently than they talk to me. Whenever I talk to a girl they are mostly serious and put on their "I'm talking to a stranger/friend" whereas they feel comfortable around other guys.

I honestly don't know how to remedy this except force yourself to go out there.

I had a 2 or 3 month period, however, where I felt awesome, talked with people, opened people up, and actually looked forward to parties. Girls would approach me, we would flirt, I felt like I was playing the room and like I was the life of the party, etc. However, this happened b/c I've been a 3 year pot smoker and I quit for 3 months. I've since gone back to pot and feeling exactly how you've described, but the only decent advice I can give you that I am 100% sure will help is quit if you smoke weed!!!

Ok, I feel you man. Been there, done that.

I use to wake up in the morning, sad, depressed, o god another day of shit, why do I have to do this, whats the meaning of life etc etc etc.

The way I changed my life was with, well, Im going to say it.. with my thoughts.
Thats right. Negativity, depression and all this bullshit is really a result of your thoughts.
I use to think of how my life sux and I was constantly asking myself why me and why now.
When I changed my questions than I really changed my life. I asked myself.. whats great in my life? Who do I love, who loves me? I started to be gratefull for all the things I already have. I started to be gratefull for my health, for all the resources that I have available, that I am free, that I am even alive, started to be gratefull for my family and friends and for all the love that is in me.

When I did that, I started to think of how I wanted my life to be. I described what kind of car do I want to drive, what kind of clothes do I want to wear, what kind of body do I want to have, what kind of qualities do I want to develop etc.

So I started to think about how I want my life to be, and once I figured that out, I started to focus ONLY on those things. Ive blocked all the things in my life that I dont want and really focused on things that I do want.

Well, I went from being basicly broke, to earning arround 2500 dollars a month, Im driving a very nice car and wear nice clothes. I have a nice body and really good relationships in general. O and by the way, Im 20 yrs old.

If you have a chance, get MAN TRANSFORMATION PROGRAM from DAVID DEANGELO. That stuff really changed my life.

But what I would really recommend to you is this.

Take a piece of paper and writte down where you are. Weigh your physical weight, look at your clothes, look at your relationships, and write everything down.

THan, after you know where you are, describe what you REALLY want to be and have.
Describe your body in detail, describe your relationships, describe of how would you really want to live your life. Dont just read this post. DO IT!!
Than take action. Take some dance lessons or some marshall arts class to get you out of your head and start shaking. MOVE out and meet people. Say hi, im...., im here to meet some people. DO whatever you have to do to get out of your comfort zone.

When you are done, look at all the things that are good in your life. Write AT LEAST 100 things that are great in your life. It might be your mom, might be your health. might be anything. Just write it down. Than start to feel grateful that you have all that. really put yourself in a state of gratitude. Do it for at least 10 full minutes.

I want you, to every morning, right after you get up, take that piece of paper and imagine and really FEEL like you already have the life you want. Really feel it.

This is my promise. Do that for ONE MONTH. Make a comitment that you will do this every day for one month. I GUARANTEE YOU, you will be different.

Try it.

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Well, most people will think I am nuts for what I am going to say but it is really true. You have to do sports before you go out. When you do sports your brain rewards itself by producing certain amount of chemicals. These chemicals make you happy and more confident. Just try it out.

Intense sports, powerlifting, sprinting, martial arts.

Meditation, grounding, centering, breathing excersizes, yoga, stretching.

Get enough sleep, don't masturbate to pictures/videos, eat healthy.

These things keep you from feeling out of it, and let you live in the moment more.

And youre ready for anything spontaneous.

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