Right now I'm 27 years of age. I started out with pickup when I was 23. I have already approached a lot of girls, but all I got out of it was one lay and one kiss close. Picture that. 23, 24, 25, 26, 27. Five fucking years more or less wasted.

All the time I see couples. I have never had a proper relationship, and I guess, I won't ever be used to being with a woman. Additionally I can't understand how a woman could want to be with me for a longer period of time. After all I still don't get why they stay with one guy and don't with another one. That's wrong, I cannot keep that in my mind is the right way to say it. I know it, then a short time later I knew it and then I will have forgotten it.

I jerk off to porn regularily; the more frustrated I am the more I jerk off. Gunwitch once presented an exercise, which is about looking at your favorite porn and picturing yourself being with the actor instead of looking at her. Picturing her being on your lap, looking at you with a desire in her eyes. Fine, I became frustrated. I then thought to myself, well pick up shouldn't be so hard, went out, tried it again, failed at it again, went home again, and jerked off again.

Today I was looking at a new flat share. One girl in it was totally sexy. I was talking to her and all of a sudden a friend said to her, that she's going to leave right now. I was alone with her. Intuitively I made her feel more and more attracted. But I didn't get that I was doing it, I felt like she being more and more rude and me just wanting to stick to my opinion and leave - after all she would be the one I'd replace my room with, so I don't have to like her. So finally she invented an excuse of having to learn and asked me to leave. Just for me to understand later on, what was really happening. You know this could have been a beginner's mistake. But I am not a fucking beginner anymore having been in the field for five years(!) And that happened often.

I recently looked at my package of condoms. I noticed that the date of expiry expired. And all condoms were still inside. I threw them away. They were the most expensive ones I bought. For nothing.

Gunwitch said, that "having sex is not that hard, in your close(if you're living in a city) surrounding there are at least five people having sex right now who know nothing about pu.". Fine, now I'm even insulted by a guru himselve for being too stupid for that oh so simple game called picking up women.

I try method X, I try method Y, there's no quality management of any methods I am not sure if anything has ever worked I am missing scientific proof for anything, there is none so what can I do? And then all of a sudden this fucking approach anxiety comes along again, which officially I should not have anymore. Then of course my tonality drops, my voice sucks, and girls blow me off.

I'm currently unemployed, so I'm struggling to find my way into the market by making myself self employed. And I have been trying for fucking four years. With hardly any success. Every fucking book about being self-employed states, that you have to have a good (private not business) relationship to support you if your business idea doesn't work out from the get-go. Nice. So I'm going out sarging again. So my failure in business leads over to having approach anxiety again, having a bad voice and being blown out again.

No - I repeat that - no single girl has ever given me credit, support or help in fucking her. The last example was the girl I met today in the flat share. They expect me do anything for them. Expect. Damn how can you expect anything? HOW? I should like her the way she is and what does she?! No girl can fulfill what she's demanding.

As you are not involved, what do you suggest I could do?

If you can give inspiration for one aspect that's enough at first.

Hi NJD,

let's give you some inspiration.

1/ You know the saying there is always someone worse off than you. Well it's true. Shit I went until I was in my 30s (yes you read that right!) before doing the deed with the girl. I was painfully shy and couldn't say boo to a goose or even hello to people let alone a girl

How did I get her? I realised that my main problem was fear of approaching and always seeming to be attracted to girls with boyfriends. Firstly I tried to expand my social life. It was non existant so it was not hard. You don't mention a social life at all. A non girlfriend/fuckbuddy/whatever life I think is essential. For me I just joined a few clubs. It took courage for me but at least I was out and about and could actually talk to people. Mutual interests make it a lot easier. Also there is no pressure to actually like the person or want to fuck them. they are just there. Girls at these clubs always had boyfriends so didn't pursue. So I decided on personal ads to meet girls. High "risk" blind date stuff. Think approach anxiety is hard when you know what the girl looks like. Try it blind! seriously it is good because it helps you focus on trying to find things you like about someone who doesn't live up to your expectations. Try chatting to girls you do not want to pickup. I persisted with this and actually got it down to an art of minimal contact with a girl prior to meeting. they either like you or they don't. if they don't then move on. In short it's a numbers game. the more you do the more likely you will find somebody through luck or skill. persistence is key. I carried on and you get blase about rejection and find a girl to fuck.

2/ Relating to the above. look at how often you are approaching? Even at once a week that's over 250 girls. Try different locations, methods etc. Try to learn where you went wrong. If you're good at self analysis then it's easy to spot mistakes and try to correct them. maybe you need some sort of wing or buddy?

3/ work out what you really want. If you want sex and a long term relationship I think your game has to be congruent with that. I'm picking up that it isn't. You mention relationships quite a bit. Probably a bit romantic deep down. Yes I was too! yeah i know because I used to fall for any girl vaguely showing interest!

4/ This is hard but abandon the idea of picking up for the result, do it for the experience. Don't be results driven. Let go of the outcome. Go with the flow

5/ relating to 3 and 4. For most PUA this is not good. But I think you may benefit from approaching and ending up in the LJBF zone. If you can talk a lot and establish rapport it's easy. When I got a girlfriend I was more relaxed and I guess I must have became more attractive and relaxed and guess what I found other stuff easier. You could use it as social proofing, build a network

6/Never describe yourself to a girl as unemployed (I'm sure you don't) Just say you're working on projects or freelancing or creative blaha blah blah
Ask yourself why your work or lack of it is important to you.? Why is your self esteem linked to work? Get rid of that attitude - one way look back when you were a child were you working. No. Was you important - yes! Why should it be different now you are older? Why do you feel the need to work?

I've been through most of what you're going through so do understand. One thing I would say is that I was unaware of PU techniques until a few months ago. So consider your knowledge as a head start to getting what you want

Hope this helps. You will get through it but have to apply yourself

Thank you for this long reply. I appreciate reading different ideas, I notice your experience.

Yes, it is bad for you to have had your 1st time sex when you were >30. The first time sex for me was when I was 21. But I also think that it is important to look at what is now or what can be done.

Do you know it when your intention is to build a network and the girl does not believe you? Just yesterday I had exactly this experience again. I wanted to meet her and she said boyfriend blah blah. I said, I don't wanna sleep with you, I just enjoy your company. That is true, she is not my type but radiates a buddha-like calmness. Awesome. She said "I have to protect myself"(sic).

I don't say I am unemployed in public, after all I have two internet companies running(they just don't produce any income). My selfesteem is linked to not be dependend on other people's money they give me for nothing in return. Currently it's my parents, later it'll be the state. It's not about work, it is about money, it is ultimately about security. Normal desire for security.

Hi NJD,

you're right.concentrate on the here and now. it is the only thing you can control.

I used to think it was sad, pathetic and bad that I hadn't got laid until my 30s. But you know what? that was me then comparing myself to others. There are no rules in life other than those you give yourself. You are unique, always remember that! BTW when I finally did the deed I didn't think it was that special.

Interesting about wanting to build a network of girlfriends. I think they maybe spotting or feeling some ambiguity. I guess that girls suspect you want more so do not like it. It may come across as stalker-ish. I know from a previous experience girls find it creepy. My angle is that you should still aim for pickup but if they put you in the friends zone, do not reject it, accept it and use it.

Ah. Security. This is a tough one. This may help. security is typically linked with fear of death. If you are religious, why fear it? If you're good you'll go to your version of heaven if you're feeling bad well you need to address those issues. I guess most PUA are atheist (could be wrong) If you believe that we are on this planet for 70 odd years with nothing afterwards then you have to accept there is NO security.
Fear of death can be fear of LIVING. It maybe you are using your financial security as an excuse not to move forward. I think everyone has a tendency to use some aspect of their life as an excuse. Me I used to and still cannot resist , using the fact that I have experienced 4 deaths in my family to elicit sympathy. Going through it shows a weird mix of strength and vulnerability. It invariably puts you in the LJBF zone.

Hey NJD, I get the impression you have no or very little male social network? Not a criticism as it is one area I really need to improve myself. I find it hard to want to socialise with someone male who doesn't share my interests and basically, I don't want to fuck them, so why expend the energy? I realise that it's important just to be social. Again girls will pick up on this and maybe a loner vibe is given off. Loner male can be scary for girls.

I thought you may find it helpful

Moving forward towards what?
So you say that you cannot get laid because your past forces you into LJBF-Behaviour?

Right. Here the same applies, they think
a) I am lame or
b) I am dangerous for them or

For instance, I am standing legs apart as usual for an alpha. I was visiting some toastmasters meeting in France and they said: You are standing like John Wayne. Awesome I first thought. But it really seems to scare some guys away. Intimidate them. Make them ready to fight - or they think I am ridiculous. I cannot separate that SPAM.
This applies to most guys for me. The more I dealt with pu the more I noticed guys are a waste of time. Additionally how is it when you are older: Hardly any guy has had no sexual experience. So they are with their girlfriends or worse - wifes - and you... well... you are the friend. Coming from experience to have friends you first have to have a girlfriend - not only to not be jealous but also to seem outcome independend.
That is a limiting belief. You can be alone with no friends and have sex anyway. After all, having sex is between two people. Not mutual, girls are used to "let it happen" these lazy bastards. But your friends are not included.

I think friends should build me up. But how can they if they have girlfriends?