I'm afraid that my online profile (which I've been working on but not put up yet) is going to misrepresent me and make girls think I'm a lot more awesome than I really am. I'm actually serious - though everything in my profile is real, I'm new to the community and so my conversation skills still suck and I'm still not a solid alpha guy.

However, the style in which my profile is written is very witty, snappy, demanding, flowing, and alpha. I'm afraid that when a girl meets me for the first time, she'll be disappointed.

What isn't a misrepresentation:
- the hobbies/pastimes, goals
- description of what I'm looking for
- the writing style (I wrote it myself, and that's how I write)

What is a misrepresentation:
- the fact that my speaking style is not the same as my writing style (I'm less smooth/clever in person and less witty when I have to think off the top of my head as opposed to having time to write something)

I've honestly been considering a P.S. at the end essentially informing her, in a lighthearted way, of my concern. But I'm pretty sure nobody here will advise me to stick with that idea. Alternatively, I could CHANGE the writing style to not make me seem as great (which doesn't feel right either, because that wouldn't be the real me also, just in a different way) - sure I'd get less initial interest, but those who are interested would be a LOT more likely to remain interested after meeting me in person or talking on the phone.

Now here's why the 'just mislead her, talk yourself up, fuck her, and leave' answer won't work for me - I'm either looking for a girlfriend or multiple MLTRs - not a one-night stand - so my goals require me not to mislead, because I'll be found out by the girl and my chances of a girlfriend or MLTR situation happening will be minimal.

I'm lost as to what to do about this - how would you suggest I handle this? Has anyone dealt with a similar situation of the girl being let down by your personality after speaking to you on the phone or meeting you in person?

Hey man,

I hear you on this. I consider myself a pretty damn good writer and I can make a online profile shine. Some would say I'm an expert in online game. Anyways, I am not near as suave and smooth in person but I do pretty well for myself. I have never had a woman complain.

Here is the thing when she gets you on the phone before you meet or in IM it won't matter much. Either she is going to be attracted to you or she won't be because of what you wrote and what you have spoken about up to that point. If there is interest she is going to meet you and form a second opinion of sorts. I know that is where you are worried, but please don't be.

Don't apologize for being great a written communication. I get a lot of compliments on it. You won't be letting her down. Try it a few times, and see what happens. If you get negative feedback then certainly take that into consideration. However, I think it's a bit early to predict what is going to happen. Don't shoot yourself in the foot on this.

Jon

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Been around the world twice, Talked to everyone once...

JSmooth, thanks for your response, I agree you write very well, I saw one of your recent posts.

So there must be things you keep in mind when you're writing to take into account the fact that you come across better on paper than in person. If you've never had a woman bring this up, as you say, you must be doing something (if not consciously, then subconsciously) to prevent such a situation. (Or then your in-person and online personas aren't as far apart as what I'm talking about.)

As long as everything you're saying is true factually and in terms of your preferences, do you truly NOT hold anything back? (i.e. make it as snappy/witty/awesome as you possibly can)?

I'm REALLY feeling the temptation to hold back. I read somewhere that you can even scare off less confident women who'll think they can't match the wit and charms of someone who writes this well - let's face it, nearly everyone who's on these sites can't write coherently, let alone stylishly.

I don't hold back. As long as you are honest with the "content" of what you write about then no worries!

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Been around the world twice, Talked to everyone once...

Well, im a girl, and ive been on dating sites forever. Nobody expects the other person to be exactly like their profiles, it is advertising after all. And it works JUST like advertising: you need to stand out, be the best and brightest package, because if you cant create a good profile for yourself on a dating site, then you are certainly pretty boring in real life.

Now theres two options:
a) you send her a private message
b) you IM her

a) Girls tend to think that whatever they are getting in their inbox is probably boring and crappy by default. They still read them because its still an ego boost, but they are prepared to be faced with boring and repetitive messages, things like "wow your profile is really cool" or "you are very pretty" blahblah --> delete.

For a message to spark their interest, it takes something else. It takes humor, negs, or a very wacky message. But even if they are interested in your message, it does not determine whether they reply or not. They all visit the other persons profile. And unless it is really interesting, they are not replying.

Because private messages gives you more time than IMing, girls tend to be more picky and demanding. A private message also, has little to no comfort and most of them will feel pretty intimidated to write back (unless the message is light enough, hence the humor). Thats why if you really want to get them to reply, you should avoid messages and go straight for IMs.

b)If its through IM and you spotted her first, then it is different. Because they dont have as much time to look into your profile carefully, they will be making up their minds pretty quickly. So you need to win her over in the first 15 seconds of conversation. And unless you are pretty charming, they wont even click on your profile. Fortunately for you thats pretty easy to accomplish. Just try to entertain them. Be funny and ask tons of questions. When a girl browses a dating site she is usually bored and waiting for something to happen. Just give that to her and she will be thankful. If she does click on your profile while IMing, then whatever idea she forms in her head of you, she will want to keep. So whatever comment you make, she will try to fit it into that image of awesomeness. This is why you need to direct her to your profile on your first 15 seconds of conversation, because the quickest she reads your solid profile, the more prominent that idea of you becomes over your dialogue.

Other than this two things, dont EVER apologize for what you write on your profile. It comes off as weak.