Alryt I have been dating this HB 8(she is one of those nice girls) for about 5 weeks. I took her to my frat formal(first date) and made out with her on the balcony ,she was really suprised because no guy ever swept her off her feet like that before or was cocky and confident. She said she liked me and would like to get to know me more but she is carrying quite a bit of baggage and doesn't want to "date" for a while because she got hurt by her ex and also because she is looking for long term. We went out couple of times after that ,evetually she stopped messaging me or calling me but I have been doing that part( which is a AFC move) . I asked her out again and she told me some one told her that I am a "player" ,which spooked her and now she has her guard up and there's no "kissing" but thers lots of Kino and flirting...but she enjoys spending time with me and I have to make my move to ask her to come hang with me all the time..which is really AFC move and lowering my value by making look needy!! I dont know if I have to be my usual pushing my limits with her and busting her ballz or be the "nice guy" and not kiss her until she makes her move..

Honestly I would really like to get to know her and take a break and discover some other stuff because I've had fun with the slutty chicks lol and its time to settle down for a while , but its gnna bother me if i dont get this sticky point taken care,because it will def happen again if this blows up in my face!

Any suggestions?!??

_________________
get wat u want ,not settle for wat u can get!

this sounds like one-itis to me
ex.
Stop txting and dating her. If she enjoys spending time with you, she'll contact you. Youre the prize, not her.

Thanks for the input jimmy but I'm kinda feeling the same way!

_________________
get wat u want ,not settle for wat u can get!

Ahhh, low self esteem girls with barriers up, my forte!

HUGE difference with the way you should treat this girl your talking about, compared with popular confident HBs. The latter needs to be cut down and gets turned on by it because it's different from what they're used to. Your girl on the other hand is the complete opposite. She needs to feel safe before she'll let anyone in.

With what you know about her, you have to think about what it's like to be her, and get in her head, and understand where she's coming from, and then it will be more clear what actions you should take. And only you can decide these specific things.

It's very likely you have to some how show her, with your words and actions, (not by telling her directly) that you actually are the perfect, reliable boyfriend when you choose a girl you want to be with.

Once you think about this yourself, the specific actions you need to take can only be decided by you, but the basic suggestion is that you have to be kinda like a romance novel guy. You're still not AFC but the difference here is you're like the guy on the movies, setting up fun or romantic things for you both to do together (you have to calibrate this for your situation) , and give her re-assuring words that basically tell her you've got everything under control, and you're both gonna have fun.

Conker,
It sure is ur forte! I'm kinda used to the fast paced girls and commin to this girl,things got way too slow!

I did go out with her today, I maintained my gentleman manners and my hands in control but there was romance in the air and pg 13 fun stuff (yippeeee). After dinner I took her for a walk in the park and during our "deep conversation", she mentioned that she would like the cuddling and intimacy stuff but is too afraid of getting hurt and she isn't really ready for the "dating scene" again( I dont really understand wat dating means ,while she is on a date with me and is goin out again this weekend) . But we had a good time and fun nite!!

As usual she just got out of my car and simply said good nite ( usually I playfully makesure they hug me and they kiss me goodnite ,but I didnt ask her or demand for any of it this time!) ,she got out was about to leave and I asked her for dinner during the week,she said sure and wanted me to "call her")

wat do u suggest now?!

_________________
get wat u want ,not settle for wat u can get!

Judging by what you said you've been doing, it sounds like you "get it" now, so if you keep thinking about what she wants to see, you should still keep thinking of good ideas.

"I'm not ready for the dating scene" while she's actually out dating with you - my interpretation is that she doesn't see "the dating scene" as the same thing that she's doing with you. I'd say "the dating scene" in her head is a term for a world where you get picked up by a guy, let him take you out, decide if you like him, etc. Whereas what she's doing with you is just hanging out with you because she likes you, and any fun PG-13 stuff and intimate conversation that just happens naturally is a bonus.

The fact that she really wants the cuddling and intimate talks and wants to get it from you, is all good news. I believe that as long as this good stuff keeps happening, and she never gets the feeling you are doing anything "just to get into her pants", she will see this fun stuff as genuine "meant to be together" stuff and will like you more increasingly and eventually you guys should become official.

I believe there's a balance here, but it's not hard to strike - at the moment you seem to be doing it fine, and I think there's a lot of leeway as long as you're paying attention to what's going on. At one end, things can keep going well but you never give her the feeling you can be a good boyfriend - this leads to being a cuddle buddy. To avoid this you need to do romantic guestures like going for a walk in the park, or talking about certain topics, but only ever as a way of having fun and making her feel comfortable. At the other end you can push too hard for kino, make to many sexual comments or topics, neg her too much etc. and she will feel pressured and thinks you just want to get into her pants. Like I said, you seem to be doing it fine and if you really think about what she wants, you'll come up with the right ideas.

Conker,
I did what you explained to me and did not go for that strong PUa stuff but things are getting a little AFC . Like for example I asked her to get dinner with me last time and she completely forgot or intentionally forgot and went on did her thing and called me after coupe of hours to apologize and tell me that she is goin to her BFf's place for girls over thingy and for coutesy sake asked me what I was up to! I simply had monotone through out the phone call and ended the conversation and hung up first! my usual concept is for every dollar she puts in I add 50 cents but ..in her case it every dollar i put in its 25cents she responds.

Honestly I've been sensing two things either she is playing me ,which I'm fine as far as she is telling me so that I can date other girls too or she is just not into me as much as Im into her! so I was gonna resort to askin her about dating other people . if she did say "yes", I'm totally fine with it but I would doubt it because I kinda have this feeling that she is not that kinda girl or she is testing me!

But I'm goin to continue what you advised me foe few more dates. If this goes on im goin to have to switch to playing hard to get by tellin her that she is not putting enough time as me, because there is no point in goin on if the interest is not mutual and we need to be just friends for now and hangin out with her more than i did now!

DO u have any suggestions??

_________________
get wat u want ,not settle for wat u can get!

Well there is no absolute solution for any girl, it's always going to be a mix of everything you know, and each girl is going to need you to adjust the vibe and you have to keep monitoring things to see what's required, and only you can do that - I can do my best to understand what's going on but you are the one hearing her tone of voice and seeing her face to face.

The basic rules still apply for any girl - reward good behaviour, punish bad behaviour. Sounds like she needs some punishment.

In my opinion, the threshold for good and bad behaviour should not change from girl to girl (you don't change your standards for anyone), the reward and punishment is what changes. Low self esteem girls you don't punish as harsh as popular girls, but they still need to know when they've crossed the line. With a popular girl you'd just go straight for what you usually do. But if you constantly overshoot with low self esteem girls they might get sick of being hurt so much and not want to see you very much. So just ramp up the level of punishment till you get a result.

The way I work is, if we already agreed on a date, and she missed it, this is a bad thing, which has a specific badness rating in my head. Everyone first deserves the benifit of the doubt, maybe they really did forget, but when I tell them "Nah it's cool - what are you doing next thurs" etc. they deserve to hear a little bit of something in my voice or my choice of words that says "not sure if you meant to forget or not, but my warning alarm is going off" and next bad thing they do, even though I'm saying "Sure sure, no worries - I'm busy till next week, we'll see where we're at then, cool?" they might sense a bit of "I could be sensing a pattern here - just watch out, I don't put up with flakey girls..."
Now that I think about it, I actually think I deliberately choose how I feel about it, and let it show naturally as I talk. Because I know not to let my emotions run wild with this stuff, (eg. that AFC voice that goes "oh shit what if she is playing me" etc. etc. and do my best to view the situation as just the facts.

hmm i met this girl that sounded exactly what happened to you lol .. somehow she ended up telling me she diddnt want a BF and the next day i was holding hands and making out so watch out for shit test to imo

twister,
Yeh I know , I did kiss her couple of time before she told me about here life "storie"...Im kinda over her because she kept flaking but I will be seeing her over fall because the school starts, so i guess i just have to re-amp it up!

_________________
get wat u want ,not settle for wat u can get!

There's a lot of ways to go with this-------

If the girl is afraid of getting hurt, tell her this:
"In life people will hurt you- intentionally or unintentionally. You just got to know who's worth it." something like that

If you really want this girl do this:
Ask her do you think, I'm like every other guys? If she says yes , leave her. (She will treat you like every other guy but in truth you're not). Give her the silent SPAM. Don't try to communicate with her. Let her communicate with you. That's how you know if she's really into you.

When she's telling you she don't want to be in the dating scene but you're out with her, ask her "What do you call this then?"

You're pretty bright I'm sure you'll get me but I know my respond is a bit messy. I wasn't to respond really but I thought I could help you a bit.

***To get a girl, you must be willing to lose her.

future pua,
Actually I tried the first method and she came up with some bullshit like she needs time and so I'm off to the second method that you have mentioned...

Thats where I realized i have developed a huge ONE'itis on this girl because I really liked her and I kinda have a thing for "damaged" people (weird ..i know)


Any way thanks for the input!

_________________
get wat u want ,not settle for wat u can get!