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Dear Adam,

I've been having a number of things on my mind. Firstly, I've done some self-reflection, which I always thought is good and we all don't do enough and I realised that I'm always at my best when I'm a real ass to people. I've always been a bit of an ass to my old friends. When I say that, I don't mean that I go around kicking people or picking fights. Instead, when I'm an ass, I'm at my most creative, witty, confident, demanding and sarcastic, as well as brash, loud, etc. You name it. I can't see why the community doesn't encourage this. I know the word "asshole" has a negative connotation to it but an asshole doesn't have to be someone who hurts others, but rather someone who does things his way. I just ran some asshole on a girl I just met and it's like we've known each other forever. In fact, she's an bigger asshole than I am!

Now I have 2 problems that I need clarified. I now go by the "push pull" concept because it's kinda easier for me to remember and understand.

Unfortunately, I've followed the concept of showing no interest to the point where I have stopped asking people questions about themselves. From my observations, it's really hurting my interactions. How important is it to ask other people questions about themselves? Logically speaking, this is the stage most people start with and we should avoid only until we've shown our value right? What if I see no IOIs?

My second question is should we always start a conversation by "pushing"(rapport break)? It works great for me when I feel like teasing people but I don't feel it's practical for starting conversations. Straight off the bat I might be perceived as as jerk. I'm still stuck sometimes thinking of what to say. Sometimes I might blurt out a story, or I don't ask any or I ask too little questions. Most of the advice is here is for picking up girls, but there are some girls I've seen for months now and no progress has been made because sometimes I get into a good conversation with them and other times things are still awkward because I don't know how to start the conversations.

(edit)
Oh, one more thing. Because I'm actively showing disinterest, I tend to turn away from targets. Should I just stick close to the target as much as possible? I suppose that's what spending as much time as possible with a girl means. But won't I seem too eager and too available? Today I tried talking to that girl I spoke of earlier and we were in a group. I thought about speaking to the others as well but I had no real interest in them so I kept talking to her. It's kind of funny because on one hand, because I'm doing this I feel like I'm paying her more attention and it's obvious that I'm interested, but on the other hand I'm also keeping my distance and not asking many questions. But somehow I felt like I should just concentrate on my interaction with her.

Thanks for the response,

dont get me wrong this stuff has basicly saved me from going down the wrong path in life but i can really see why people find it wierd, alot of people act out when they join and idolize you guys like crazy. Ive got to admit everyone ive met on here is very nice and i can probably think of alot of reasons why.

You said in a reply in this thread (a while ago) about you making more movies for youtube, im eagerly awaiting. Is it still on?

I see that learning this stuff might speed up the process of being good socially however... i think learning naturally by just getting out there is a much better way because then you cant seem like your completly fake. Then again you dont have to use routines to use this stuff.

Im glad that you want to give back to the community. so heres some questions

1. Should i / How can i tell my parents about me learning pick up?

2. Where is the best venue to go to find lots of women?

3. where is the easyest place to meet women?

4. should i change one of my subjects in college corse to phycology instead of buisness studies because i want a more intresting and girl orientated lesson instead of something usefull?

5. how old do you think you should be when you start to learn pick up?

6. im going to be living in a city of 20,000 people when i go to college do you think i will be able to approach people on the streets, make an ass of myself untill i get the hang of it then it not come back to haunt me?

Thanks i hope you found my questions intresting especially the 5th one as i have asked other people it before and it has caused alot of controvesy. i started looking this stuff over when i was 13(15 now) and never really put it into proper action but ive been taking small steps to improve my life 6 days till i leave secondry school forever, im a bit anxious.

Thanks so much for spending time answering my questions. i sometimes wonder why you do so much of this stuff for free, its amazing you managed to make a career out of it too. was it hard to make a career out of it?

Cheers, Olie

_________________
Do not follow where the path may lead.
Go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.

Dear
Adam

Regarding your formula Attraction= C- R + Q + SE
could you explain to me a bit how you would apply it in real
time,please break down the process in real time.

cheers

Dear Adam,

Thank you very much for your answers to my questions!
This really does make sense!!
Most of the time when I approach girl's, they seem cold in the beginning. I assume they seem a bit cold, because they think I am hitting on them. Which means they think I want something from them = they're perceiving me as if I am going to take value from them.
I am going to try to disqualify/neg when I get the cold response, since this should help to show them that I am not hitting on them and I am just there to chat a bit = Adding value.
So far so good?
That kind off goes against the formula you use, because according to your formula I shouldn't be breaking rapport with a neg/disqualifier, but build comfort instead.
I will have to try if disqualification works, but I would like to know if this would also be your way of handling an initial cold reaction from the set.
My question: How do you handle an initial cold reaction of the girl/set?

TopDown.

PS. Really appreciate the work! Can imagine that your site takes up a lot of time man; especially since you're doing it all yourself! Did you follow some kind of "web building education"? If I can think of some suggestions to improve it ,I will let you know. But so far so good!

Dear AFC Adam
Thanks man ill see into that, cant be depressed anymore its killing me

Dear Adam,

What made you decide to get married? I have had two girls that I liked and dated for sometime. It was great. They were awesome girls, and both of them are married now. When with them, I had these fears:

1. Should I settle? Or can I find somebody better?
2. What if she changes later on?
3. Settling would mean no sex with other girls (at least in my case) for the rest of my life.
4. Is it wise to settle with a girl or is it better to be single?

Did you have these dilemmas before choosing to settle with Amanda? How did you deal with them?

Thanks and greatly appreciated!

Hey Adam.

My style on day game is quite relaxed, I ussually wing it, my opener may be scripted and my transition generic, but after then I'm quite free to go as I please in the conversation, just letting the conversation go and using my knowlegde of PU to alter the interaction favourably; simply ensuring that we have fun and get to know eachother while maintaing a "romantic" frame.

Now I'm spending the summer with a girl who I have decided to go semi-exclusive for so I really don't have the time or the want to go training myself in club/bar-game.

However come university/ round september, I'll probably going to take to the clubs/bars more often as these venues become a popular form of socialisation in uni.

It's a very simple question, have you found that relaxed conversations based on getting to know another person work well in a club enviroment, or does their need to be more stimulus involved?

My guess is that it depends on the situation, but if it's a pumping club, entertainment is on the menu, not "So tell me abit about yourself"

Hey Ken,

These are good questions, mate. The first one is about not having others seak about themselves. I understand exactly why it would be hurting your interactions. Think of it like this: If a guy and a girl are sitting on a bench together for 3 hours and the guy is doing the talking for 2.5 hours, who likes who more? It's obvious that the guy like the girl more because he is doing all of the work and all of the investing.

Now if that same bench scenario were going on but the girl was talking to the guy for 2.5 hours, then she is obviously the one that likes him. By not asking the girl questions about herself the conversation is being limited. You should actively encourage her to speak more because the more she is telling you about herself the more work she is putting in, and the more she is investing.


Question 2, I always advise opening with comfort as opposed to a rapport break. Essentially what you are doing is making sure that she will listen. If you choose to start off with a rapport break, a neg, assuming attraction, etc, she can have a bad reaction to it and choose to blow you out right away. If you start with comfort there is no reason for them to be rude or not listen. Once you have that comfort established you can then joke around a bit, break that rapport, and make the interaction a bit more playful.


Lastly, you need to have a balance between the target and the other girls in the group. You don't want to come across as too needy or too interested, but you do want to give her some validation while getting the friends to like you. Interact with the group as a whole and then you can start singling out the one you want.


Hope this helps bro! Keep practicing, just these minor tweeks can make a huge difference!




Adam

Hey Olie,

Cheers again for the message mate! The best way to go about telling your parents, familly or friends that you are interested in pick up is making sure you put it across as normal as possible. If you tell your mum that you want to learn how to pick up chicks and pull as many as you can then there might be a problem. If you instead say that you plan on being more sociable, that your interested in attraction and interpersonal communication between men and women and want to grow your social circle then it isn't creepy and is socially acceptable.

The best venues for lots of women are where women hang out. Think of things that women like; shopping, fashion, socialising, etc. High streets with a lot of shops, malls, cafe's and ice cream stores, make up/hair/beauty places are all good places that are target rich and you won't have to worry about being old enough to get in. These are all easy places to meet women because they will just happen to be there and they aren't expecting to be hit on.

Since you will be going away to college soon your campus will be a great place to practice. There will be girls in your age group there and since everyone is in the same situation of being away from home they will all want to meet new people. Just going up and introducing yourself is the best opener to have. As long as you're doing it well and not being uncalibrated then it shouldnt come back to haunt you. Also, if you're genuinely interested in human psychology then you should look into it, but changing your entire degree is a big move that should really be thought about.



Lastly, I don't think there is any specific age as to when someone should or shouldn't start learning this. You obviously started when you were younger then most and as long as you can deal with this community and yourself in a mature way then you should be able to handle it.



Hope this helps, mate!



Adam

Hey Brownsugar,

Cheers for the message mate! (C - R) + Q + SE breaks down like this: Comfort minus Rapport, plus Qualification plus Sexual Escalation. What that means is to build comfort as soon as you can. That can be done by opening with the most normal conversation starter, such as asking a basic question (functional opener), making a random statement about something (observation or situational opener), or getting an introduction from a mutual friend. Essentially comfort is when you have rapport and trust built.


Once that comfort is established you want to make things a bit more fun and playful. That is done by breaking rapport such as playing a little game to make her look silly, doing a slight neg, disqualifying yourself, etc. This is the initial spark of attraction.


After that spark of attraction is there you want to spread it by using qualification. Get the girl to tell you her hopes, dreams and ambitions. Try and connect on a deep emotional level and build that deep rapport between you. You want to reward that compliance with positive verbal and physical affirmations which leads right on to sexual escalation.

Build up the escalation slowly from the beginning but once the deep connection is being made and she is initiating the kino then ramp it up a bit more. If at any point you feel something isn't working as well as planned or you feel resistance then revert back to comfort and start up again.


There is no absolute set structure with this and no time schedule to follow. Learning when and how to gauge when to move to the next stage comes through practice and trial and error. Try it, test it out, let me know how you get on with it.


Hope this helps!


Adam,

Hey Aaron,

The idea of state is a tricky one. I have said that there is no state... But I did not mean it in the sense that it doesn't exist, I meant that it doesn't effect your ability to game and improve.

If you decide that you want to get a cut body and have really defined muscles the ONLY way to do that is to work out. If for a few days you decide that your energy is low and you don't want to work out then you will not improve your body and get defined muscles.


Now let's say for a few days your energy is low and you don't want to work out but you still go to the gym and do a great exercise... You will see improvement! State is irrelevant in helping you get better, you still need to practice to improve.

Yes, being in state makes it easier and gives you more energy but allowing state to effect how you practice will only effect your ability to improve.



Hope this clears up what you heard!



Adam,

Dear Adam,

Thanks a lot for actually answering these questions. I can't believe you find the time to go to your way to help us out. I extremely appreciate it.

I'm looking for your input on my little situation. See, there's this girl that I like but I feel like our connection is so odd. I like what we have going. We act super corny around each other and we can't seem to stop smiling or kissing whenever we see each other. We're always caressing each other with our hands or feet. It feels great because I'm such an affectionate person and she compliments me with her own affection.

Here's what makes it so odd though. Our conversations through the phone. They're so weird! I feel like if I'm so close to someone in person then our phone convos should natural and great. Most of the time though, I'm making most of the conversation. Usually, she will say something short and sweet and stay quiet. I then intentionally stay quiet to see if she would start something new but it never really goes anywhere.

Personally, I feel like I'm investing more than she is. The only thing that she seems to like talking about through the phone is how gorgeous I am and how lovely I am. Sometimes in person I catch her just staring at me. I don't mind that but it's beginning to bug me how I can't seem to have awesome conversations with her. I also wonder why she no longer talks so openly to me on the phone like she use to. She just talks about me whenever I call. This is making me not want to call her.

I blame myself for that and I want to learn more about the art that is having a conversation. How can I move smoothly from different topics in one conversation?

I feel like my tonality in my voice ruins a lot of conversations. I try to project my voice but I seem to just sound like loud noise that no one can really understand.

So my questions are these:

1- Do you have any helpful tips in having conversations? I already know a lot about her (like ambitions, past, and dreams) but I don't want to make our convos boring.

2- Do you have any helpful tips in projecting my voice so I can be heard the right way?

3- She's infatuated with me. Do you think that is good for a relationship? Is there anything that I can do to stop that?

4- I'm getting mixed thoughts about her love towards me. It just makes me question her. Do you think these are the thoughts of insecurity? Should I not bother thinking about that kind of rubbish?

Thanks Adam.

_________________
"Nobody makes a greater mistake than he did nothing because he could do only a little." - Edmund Burke

Dear Adam,
Thank you, Thank you so much for all your work here. It is just incredible!

My actuall question is, how do you manage to have really hot girls to introduce you to other hot girls? I realize, that the best way to get hot girls is to be introduced to them. The problem is, the person who introduced me to them, look at me as a friend and a funny guy to hang out with and not more. When you were talking about your princess who introduced you to all the hot girls, what status did you have in the group? Were you preselected and all of these princesses were attracted to you or were you guys just friends and they introduce you to new hot girls?
when you started with the game, did you fear rejection. All the Gurus out there were talking that they get every girls but that's not true and I want to ask you if you got rejected a lot during your journey.

Thank you for your time!
Dang1991