Tonight, some French girlfriends of mine invited me to a party at one of their apartments. There were about 20 people there; I knew half of them. I brought my guitar, was playing a bit, singing songs. There were a couple Persians there, so I was speaking some Farsi to them (I know some phrases in a bunch of different languages).

One of the Persian girls was shit testing me a lot and had a real intense bitch shield. She told me I looked like I was high. For the record, I wasn't, lol. I'm pretty much straight edge (I only drink occasionally). I unfortunately have pupils that are naturally dialated. I had jokingly told the Persian that I was Persian (in Farsi). She shit tested me more saying "Sure, so you're one of those guys who says stuff like that". A Persian girlfriend of mine was there and we were speaking Farsi, the one shit-testing me said "You're game is not on tonight". Then this white guy next to her said "What's your deal man? Why are you telling people you're of a different nationality? Just be yourself" He looked pissed off. I told him "I am being myself, this is what I do" and left it at that.

A while later, he started giving me some shit. He told me he had heard some music I recorded. He said "I gave it to my mom, she really liked it". I couldn't tell if he was being serious or not. He put his arm around me like he was being friendly, but was squeezing really hard - I sensed a negative vibe. A little while later, he just flipped out and said "Why are you disrespecting my girlfriend and the French girls? Fuck you man, I'll kick beat you up right now. Turn around! Get out of here" and he started pushing me.

I didn't know how to respond. I'm 5'11" and barely weigh 140 lbs. I'm a skinny dude. I thought about just leaving because I didn't want to get a black eye. Surpsingly, my friends didn't even come to my side to try to beak it up. I stayed at the party; he didn't say any more shit to me, but he would invade my sets and start talking to the girls I was talking to and basically mad dogged the rest of the night. A few of my friends even ended up bouncing over to his place afterwards (!!!). I really felt like shit after the encounter and my game totally went down the toilet. I felt like the whole situation really demonstrated lower value on my behalf because I basically just put my hands up and said "I don't want to fight" and my energy went down.

-So, what could I have done to have diffused the situation?

-Do you think if I had introduced myself to him before I talked to his girlfriend, I wouldn't have gotten the negative response?

-I've never started a fight with someone. It's rare that anyone starts one with me because I'm generally received well wherever I go. What should you do when someone wants to fight you? Should you act tough, act like you're not intimidated or make it clear that you don't want confrontation?

Thanks,
-zeefrenchman

An afterthought:

I seriously need to get buff. At least if someone tried to fight me, I'd then be able to defend myself better.

Ok zeefrenchman,

I think I can help you on this, first of all what country and city are you in?

reason for asking is this is culture dependant. I am not taking the michael.

OK mate, I have been in your shoes and this is what happened to me.

Story 1
At a party of Danish people in London - I am of asian origin and was getting on well with a couple of 6ft 1” blondes, professional ladies so educated. Not HBs but nice people.

There was this Danish guy who clearly did not like the fact that I was connecting with these two. As he had more and more to drink he started to interfere with what I was doing and trying to make me look bad.

Then whilst at the bar I provoked him by giving him the finger gesture, nobody else saw but he went ballistic. He came over and grabbed my tie. At this point the two women came to my defence, and told him that if he laid a finger on me he would have them to contend with.

Now I am not advocating this kind of behaviour, its not exactly Alpha. My point is you can use the females around you to do your dirty work. There is no way he is going to hit a woman and if he does all the other guys around will pile in and he knows this.

Story 2
At a club dancing with a couple of colleagues, one HB7 and the other a lady in her 50s (hey they were colleagues) and these guys are being a pushy with body language. I mean pushing me as I was dancing. I tolerated it up to point and then when I had enough I just turned 180 degrees when the guy was trying again and pushed/shoved him about 3 feet. I sent him the message that “enough is enough” with a poker face stern look. At this point the guys friends pulled their mate back and moved away.

You have to send the clear message that you will not be messed with but make sure you have some kind of backup with. Do NOT do this if you are alone, you will be beaten up and thrown out.


In terms of what you can do, I am not sure spending time learning to fight is a good way to spend your time. If you have to fight, you have already lost the battle. Make connections with people around you. You will then have these people defend you, verbally, to avoid any confrontation.

You will come across situations where you will upset people if you have a good game. Some guys will not like the fact that you can score and they cannot. You are competition after all and they will use whatever underhand tactics to put you down.

Spend your time and effort on becoming a better gamer and the woman you game will protect you. Get the woman you are gaming to deal with guys like these. Remember, as a good gamer the woman will WANT to spend time with you. You can even use the ass **** around an excuse to remove your targets to a new venue. Saying something like “Let’s go somewhere else, these guys are being jerks”. That will add to your value enormously as people see you leaving with some HBs.

HTH, let me know what you think.
Avon

You make a good point that you can use the situation to your advantage (IE, getting the girls to bounce with you). You're right too that if you have to fight, you've already lost. You have to not be aggressive, but stand your ground.

I go to school in Southern California. It's a pretty diverse crowd here. Lots of Asian/Middle Eastern.

Unfortunately, I rolled to the party just by myself. I mostly knew the girls there, not the guys; so the dudes didn't really have my back. Lesson learned: it's good to have another buddy there to back you up.

I appreciate the advice, thanks!

that's good advice Avon! i'll just have to remember to make sure enough attraction/rapport has been developed so she'll be on my side.

Tips from a book on body language:

- The "power gaze"...imagine the aggressor has a 3rd eye in the middle of his forehead, and shift your gaze to the triangle formed by those three points. I tried this with someone the other night who was being a jerk, and he tucked his tail and skulked away like magic.

- As you do the "power gaze", make sure the rest of your body language says "I'm not at all afraid of you"...shoulders up, hands on hips or hands in back pockets so that your chest is exposed, legs uncrossed so that your crotch is exposed, head level so that your neck is exposed, etc.

Go enroll in a self-defense martial arts class. You don't have to be bulky or muscular to be able to successfully defend yourself, you just need to have the training and practice. Martial arts tends to be a huge confidence builder anyway.

HTH,
Gruuve

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Divorced dude having a good life.

I'll have to try the "power gaze". I've realized that a lot of people who bully others around really play of the fear others have. If you don't show them that, it makes them afraid. The problem last night was that I actually was afraid to a certain degree. I was imagining how badly I could get beat up. However, I think the fact that I didn't totally cower away was what prevented him from decking me.

Everybody's been telling me I need to get into karate. I did tae kwon do when I was younger and it really gave me a lot of confidence. I definitely have to get back into that...

Thanks for the input,
zeefrenchman

Sorry about your luck it really sucks when people who you think are your friends show their true colours. I'm not much of a help but I'm with your idea to go start lifting weights. Not only will you gain more confidence but ladies love muscles. You don't even have to get jacked just gain some weight because I'd say 140 is pretty damn skinny.

Also could someone please elaborate on this power gaze technique.

Hey zeeFrenchman.

if you use to do Taekwndo then get into that again, I use to do Karate as a teenager and had mates that did Taukwondo, it is a cool sport and should help you with your confidence.

But PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE do not go in with the attitude that because you are good at Karate etc you can take these guys on. You probably can but I do not want you to get into a fight that results in you ending up behind bars.

Violence and war is the absolute last resort. It is better to walk to away alive rather have your pride and be carried away in a body bag. No woman is worth loosing your life or liberty over.

Anyhow, being in Calafornia you are probably in a fairly open and liberal society, a bit like London.

It seems that the farsi guys did not like the fact that you were hitting on "their" women. As a man of colour I know from the inside how territorial the males can be towards women they see as part of their ethnic group. I have heard guys say that "our" women do not sleep around like the "white" women do. Of course it is total BS but you just have to be aware that there is this added complication when gaming ethnic women and there are guys around from that ethnic group. Incidentally, I have never dated ethnic women, just not my cup of tea, nothing personal or racist.

Going back to the martial arts, do it to keep fit and to develop your confidence. Like one of the guys said you want to send the message that you are not afraid to fight if you have to, even though you would rather not.

If it ever comes down to it though, I would recommend walking away from a fight, move town if you have. Alternativly, is the a state prison near you, go and visit some of the inmates and ask them what they are in there for. Chances are the guys will turn around and say, "I should have walked away from the situation"...... you get my point, I am sure.

Body language is a good thing to work on.

All the best.

Very good advice in my opinion...it takes much bigger balls to walk away from a fight than to engage in one. It's simply not worth it. As other ppsters have said, get your body language right and get the women on your side...no one will want to fight you because it would make them look like an ass and make the women think they're jerks.

Gruuve

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Divorced dude having a good life.

Agree with everyone.

And my opinion..

Work out, get buffed, lifth weights, pump some iron, jog, practice some sport. etc etc...

do it for your own personal improvement, not just to impress ladies.


youll star to feel better

Im tall and also skinny but i like workint out everytime i can. makes me feel better.

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".. I will learn all that I've forgotten, I will succeed where I'd previously failed, and even if I don't I wont stop, cuz this is not just about girls, this is about Life "

I woulnt bother with karate...as far as self defense goes these days, karate isnt the best one to suit today's fighting type. If anything you want to go just to build your confidence, as my teacher says you will learn to fight so one day you dont need to fight.

In that situation you were in you should have just amog'd him, nothing is going to help whimpering out like a little girl. tell him firm that he can't tell you what to do these are your friend too.

Ive had it before in a club where a girl was mouthing off at me cos I had a go at her for throwing a drink into the crowd, and her boyfriend tried stepping in and I just put my hand up and told him to stay out of this. If you show your weak, thats when they will react, you want to come across that you dont care cos you will come across as unpredictable....and if it does come to him getting in your face just lock your jaw and dont say a word lol

ahah I got into this situation before. Im not trying to brag or anything, but i grew up in a Ghetto Part of the city i use to live in, so i was well connected with people in the city who "ran" alot of stuff going down, if you can catch my drift.


So one night we were at the club and i was dancing with this girl HB8 who was a girl i was talking to at the time. 2 Guys behind me started pointing and were always walking around me but throwing in a elbow everytime they walked by. They did this occasionly over the night and then i just said fuck it, went up to the guy and said "Hey man whats with all the shit" he said "nothing, you got something to say" I said "na man, but look up there (pointed to the deck of the club) they might have a problem" These were people i grew up around, they were watchin me the whole time texting me asking if I needed them to come down. These are no guys you want to mess around with in the street, in the club, in jail, where ever. These guys even had bouncers selling in the club for them.

This also really worked in my advantage becuase the girl just looked at me as if I ran shit. So it's always good to have people at the club with you



I seen the same guy

First of all, NEVER go into a fight unless you're sure you can win!

If someone is mouthing off at you and showing agression you have 2 choices; Escalate by mouthing back and being equally or more agressive which might make him back down, but could also end up in a fight (see above). Or diffuse the situation, try to reason with him, but without DLV. In this case something along the lines of "I didn't realise I was disrespecting anyone, maybe you're right, let me think about it".

As far as martial arts training goes, I'd say it can be a double edge sword, in as much that it could give you a false sense of security. Fact is, it would takes years and years of dedicated training before a 140lb guy stood a hope in hell fighting 250lb of muscle that just lost his temper.

Go to the gym, work out, pack some muscle, and if the shit ever hit's the fan just make sure the mother fucker regrets the day he was born!!!

p.s. I'd suggest you ditch those so called "friends" of yours.