Last night I was at a bar and there was very little talent in the place...mostly skeezy-looking guys. There WAS one girl who seemed to be noticed by everybody, though very few would approach her...understandable, 'cause she had a really bitchy expression. HB8, maybe pushing 9, really healthy curves... She radiated "unapproachable" and I didn't feel like dealing with it last night, so I wasn't on it. She had a friend I'd met earlier who had a fun sense of humor, though (and let me point out I was NOT interested in the friend, just thought she was funny) and went over to talk to her. The friend was caught up with someone else and I didn't wanna interrupt, so I engaged the HB with NO agenda, and smiled and simply said I thought her friend was hilarious and wanted to talk to her, but I didn't want to interrupt, so since both of us were just standing there, instead of being rude I thought I'd say hi. She still seemed rather cold and noncommittal, but she saw us talking earlier, so she accepted it as an introduction and we made small talk.

She had a ton of cleavage hanging out and I never once looked at it, though (I guess out of force of habit) I ended up negging her. It was a REALLY minor neg, a mild comment about something she was wearing, and she leapt at the chance to take huge offense and began giving me a ridiculous amount of shit. I go to this bar a lot and don't like to get anybody there pissed at me, so I attempt to smooth it over, and she just gets worse and worse, so I finally just ask, "Why are you giving me shit?" and she says, "Because you're an asshole." So I smiled and said as genuinely as I could, "It was nice meeting you," and walked away.

Later a friend came in and decided he was gonna try to hit on her, in the classless, aggressive manner he uses. I was several feet away with another friend, but I could hear that most of the time they were talking, she was complaining to him about me. Being my friend, he then went to bat for me and ended up inadvertently spending most of his flirt time complimenting me. He's kissing her neck and whispering in her ear, and she's throwing me nasty looks over his shoulder, and then she looked directly at me and said (intentionally loud enough to hear) that I was jealous because I wanted her boobs. Totally fed up (since I wasn't even ON this girl to begin with), I turned and snapped at her (and in fact said, "Baby, I've had bigger this WEEK") and before I knew it we were arguing, which I never do. She offered a halfassed apology and I refused it, because I didn't appreciate the random outbursts of disrespect. She got really ugly, so I responded in kind, and our friends had to break in and stop us because it got so nasty. I went away to the deck, and she later came out and stood on the other side and talked loudly about me to her other friends and threw more nasty looks. I was really over it. Before leaving, my buddy pulled me aside and told me she was totally in the wrong, but I pissed him off because he really expects me to have more class than to outright fight with a girl.

At the end of the night when the bar was closing down, I realized he was right and that, again, I don't like having bad blood with anyone at this bar, so I went over to her and apologized, and she apologized, and we basically called a truce. She touched me and smiled and said, "We have a love-hate relationship," and I said, "So what's the ratio on that?" and she said, "You love me." We chatted a bit and she told me she did some of those things just to piss me off, and even while we were joking and laughing she'd occasionally jump down my throat over something again, and when I'd be like, "What was that for?" she'd go, "I'm sorry...I don't know why I did it. That was wrong." I got intrigued and did just a *tiny* bit of kino here and there, and her pupils were really dilated and suddenly she was giving little smiles and talking about her boobs and complimenting my clothes and asking me to dance with her. I said next time, and she said she'd see me this weekend.

...What happened here?? In hindsight I'm guessing she was attracted to me all along and for some reason wouldn't allow herself to show it, then got offended because I wasn't giving her the level of attention she wanted. Maybe she was intrigued after that because she saw that I wouldn't just lie down and let her run over me, I dunno. Then when I softened up toward her again, suddenly she's all about me. I feel like someone more experienced could shed some light here. What did I do wrong here, and what happened so I'm better prepared if this happens again...and more importantly, how do I proceed next time I see her, when we had this ugly start?

...Anyone?? Half the time when I'm looking for advice, seems like I don't get any responses.

Well this is hard to analyze from the amount of information you gave. It would be easier with something about the body postures, what you said, did you invade her intimate zone and etc.

Did the girl lean back when you spoke to her? Did she fold her arms?


What I think is that you were too close to her making her feel offended and a little offensive and firing off that neg made it even worse.

Or you were first having just a friendly basic chat and then, suddenly, shoot negs and some canned stuff whatever right out of the bushes .


Those are only 2 possibilities.

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There is NO secret ingredient. Theres just you.

Thanks for the possibilities... Still not really sure what went on, but apparently I played it right. Saw her briefly last night and things went well, and we made plans to hang out tonight. Met up tonight and hung for hours, and she was very flirty and responsive to kino, and in between the good times we also argued a few times. But she even admitted she loves that because she loves that I don't just take her shit. By the end of the night she was showing me naked pictures and saying she wants to see me again tomorrow.

I don't completely understand what happened and then turned around in that first meeting, but it worked out all right, I guess lol.

Well, it could be that shes the kind of girl to try and piss off guys and you were the only guy who wouldn't just either; piss off totally or freeze up.

You were the guy able to show his emotions the right way, the golden middle. Not to get angry and not freeze up while still maintaining you'r limits so she couldn't walk all over you.

_________________
There is NO secret ingredient. Theres just you.

I am no expert and i don't understand why she would give you the time of day afterward, since you did start to lose control of yourself and outright fight with her in public, behavior of a weak beta male. I would assume she's just a drama queen...likes to have mood swings...basically that she is crazy! I would question why you would want to see her again and pursue anything with her. Pussy is in abundance, why chase crazy tail?

I would of set the ground rules down from the start and told her that i would not tolerate her disrespect and that if she didn't want to play nice, then i would go and find someone else who was nice, fun, and had manners! I am not needy, if a girl is not up to my standards, i move on to the next set. I will attempt to break down bitch shields and get a woman to open up, but if she continues to be disrespectful and rude, then i have gotten all the information i need (she is not up to my standards) and i eject.

Hm...apparently I need to learn more about bitch shields. I've had trouble with them before and it's one of my weakest points. That following night when we were supposed to hang out something told me to text her earlier that day to confirm, and she never replied. I called her two nights later and left a message, no response.

Whatever. I don't particularly care one way or the other, but now my question is... I will run into her there again, probably in the next few days. Knowing her, I imagine she will look at me from afar all night and, when I don't take the bait and go to her, semi-sheepishly approach me with some excuse, expecting me to fawn again. Do I even bother picking up there and telling her I won't tolerate disrespect like you said, or is it just not even worth it at this point? Like I said, I don't really care a whole lot either way, but if there's a path to success here without sacrificing face or dignity I'll take it.

I think she might of been into you from the beginning. But she is probably one of the new bitch breads I've been running into where even if they like you alot just a little insualt triggers someting in there head saying "I dont take shit from no body!".

I wouldn't be surprised if she was interested from the get-go; I've seen the kind of guys who consistently approach her, and I'm the direct opposite of all of them--they're all thug types, and I have class and wear clothes that fit but am also direct and very confident.

I ran into her unexpectedly tonight and she was on the patio of a bar with a guy's arm around her waist. I did not look at her nor speak...I think in retrospect I should've gone over and said something but it didn't occur to me in the moment. I encountered her later when she was alone; she looked at me and I looked at her, but I walked right past her. Later on, she and the guy walked past me, and I tapped her arm and beckoned her over. She left him standing around and came over to me, and I said, "Uh...so you're just gonna be rude like this?" And she goes, "Oh, I'm sorry, hi," and smiles and goes to hug me. I stop her arm by holding up one finger and pushing the arm back at her, and I calmly say, "No--you don't get a hug. What's up with you?" She claims she has no clue and I briefly remind her, and she says her phone died and she never showed up anyway. I said, "So...what you're telling me is you got my texts the next day when your phone was charged, and you didn't have the class to send an apology, and didn't have the class to return my call Wednesday?" She apologized, and I walked away.

We ended up next to each other at the bar later, and she asked me if we were friends and tried to shake my hand. I just looked at her. She apologized, and I said, "You've been doing a whole lot of that, but nothing seems different." She said, "I don't have anything to apologize for," and I said, "Funny, you keep doing it." She said, "Well, you keep getting mad at me for everything," and I said, "No,
I don't *get* mad, I just don't tolerate disrespect." She claimed I was being hard on her, and I said, "Look. I'm not gonna take shit from you. Do you wanna hang out sometime, or is just gonna keep being this shit?" She said, "Yeah, let's hang out. Call me." I said, "No." She said, "Actually, text me. I respond better to texts." I said, "History shows otherwise." She'd been worried because her friend had disappeared, and I told her I saw her friend leave ten minutes earlier, and she went to look for her and said to wait, she'd be right back. I said, "I'm not waiting." She said, "Text me," and went out.

I've basically stopped caring by now, so I was particularly no-bullshit with her, and I reiterated my interest without really rewarding her with a compliment or any kino because I didn't feel she'd done anything to earn it. Was that the right choice?

On the way home (about 20min later) I texted her, "Testing your word. ;c) " If she doesn't respond, I figure I don't have anything else to say to her.