OK here's the deal: I work with this girl and at the start she was giving me major IOI's. Lots of eye contact, playing with hair etc. But being the AFC I am I probably waited too long. Time went by and all of a sudden she almost did a complete reversal. Short answers, and acted as if she was in a rush all the time when I tired to talk to her. 1 time she even walked by on her cell phone and said "yeh so we went out last night and had a good time" and made a point of having me hear it.

Anyway I just said f*ck it and said I was going out with some other workers from the office on Friday and if she wanted to come but she said (smiling) she had other plans for the night. She said mabye next time.

OK here's where I need a little advice: I sort of stopped talking to her a bit after that, not angry mind you, just very polite but no joking around etc. Was that the correct way to go? Or should I have just been the same as before and tried to joke with her and stuff? I intentionally wanted to show my interest level had dropped, was this the right thing to do? Anyway, whether it was or wasnt, all of a sudden she starts talking to me again the same way when 1st met: joking etc.

I'm thinking when I showed her my interest level had dropped way down, she tried to get it back up. Am I wrong? If not, how long do I keep the interest level down before I go back to being Mr. friendly again? I dont want her to think I'm a chump but at the same time, I dont want to continue her "punishment" either, at least not forever.

Anyway it could all be a moot point. Mabye she has no interest at all but my gut says she does. How do I find out for sure? Ask her out 1 more time a bit later? Or should I let her come to me? And how long do I demonstrate that my interest level has dropped before I raise it back up again? Or do I just keep the interest level down, until she makes it blatantly obvious that she leads me into asking her out?

Thanks.

I'm going to answer your question without answering your question... keep in mind that this is simply my opinion, and I don't claim to be an expert, so take this for what it's worth.

I think the problem here is you. I don't mean because you acted AFC, or because you stopped iniating contact for a time or because you asked her to hang out. Based on what you wrote, you seem entirely too centered on this girl. That is the problem. These other things you've mentioned... her acting a certain way or reacting to you, are just symptoms of that problem.

She probably did have some interest in you, but I think you're killing it by making her the center. She can "feel" that. My gut tells me that you don't have a dating pool... you don't have a large circle of girls that you're interested in. It's giving you time to focus on and artificially inflate the value of this specific girl. That and the fact that you WORK with her and therefore have the potential to run into her regularly... it's the perfect storm that allow you to make her your center. (Personally, just from personal experience, I think you're asking for trouble by persuing a girl you work with... but a lot of guys do it and have success.)

Personally, I don't think any of the actions you described in and of themselves were terrible moves. However, you may just want to take a "time-out" for a week or two just to get yourself in the right mindset. Ultimately, it doesn't matter what happens with this girl. You've got to be willing to walk away if it doesn't work. You've got to be willing to let go. If you're not willing to lose, you won't be willing to do what's necessary to win.

And if you have that understanding... by all means, ask her out again. Push forward. That's the only way you're really going to know how she feels.

I couldnt agree more

I had the same problem a couple of days ago and I realised by myself that once you start analysing it means you have a problem straight off.

so what I did is I called another girl went out on a d2 and had a really good time with her , I totally got over the first one but not that yet but the after effects are less.

I tried all things to make me stop analysing but I realised the only way you get rid of the first if you get a second , now Im having tough time with the second so Im getting myself a third

there is nothing super about it trust me im your average nice guy but you have to be decissive .

hope it helps man

Hi thanks for replying. I admit I did have what you might call "1-itis" at the start but I am now looking at other prospects as well. Just that I didnt want to quite give up on this one.

I probably should have been clearer in my post, but I'm relatively new to the "game" here and me asking these questions about this girl isnt exactly because I am so into her (even though I am), but rather just using her specifically as an "example" of what to do with ALL girls when they do what I said in my original post. So when I say "how should I react when SHE does this and that" I am really saying "How should I react when a WOMAN in general does this and that".

With that in mind, what should I do with this girl, specifically? Show less interest for a while and then act interested again? Or act the same as before? I'll use what you say as a guide for all the women I meet, not just her. Thanks.

You're welcome.

I want to say one more thing in response - I don't post a lot, but I see this type of thing on these forums quite a bit... "what should I do next?" You're looking for a next step... an action step with this girl. But that's not what's important. ANY action you take could double as both the right move and the wrong move depending on where YOU'RE at inside.

It's easier to preach than to practice, so don't take my preaching to mean that I'm a self-proclaimed guru at this stuff... but I think we all need to be reminded from time to time. If you've got it together, it doesn't matter what you do as next step. You can do whatever you want. If you're centered on the girl and needy, anything you do is going to be needy. If you're genuinely fun and confident, anything you do is going to reflect that.

Your question addresses the symptom, not the problem. There's no way to answer it... you have to address the problem.

You want to have that what you can't have. You act interested, she might back off, you act uninterested, she acts interested.

Now by saying act "interested" I mean you give looong answers, think way too much what you are going to say to her and sometimes get too close. Overdose with this on the girl and shes running away from you sooner than you can say shit.

Lets turn that around, you give short answers, don't look at her so gently, and don't touch her all the time. Shes going to be more interested in you than she was before, right?


Now the next step is just to learn to calibrate and combine them together.

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