i got ljbf by a LDR girl, she said she didnt feel attraction anymore, and wanted to be just friends, but i didnt pull any AFC moves so im guessin it was another guy in the picture or it was cause i didnt see her for a while, and she didnt wanna be my "summer fling" and go through the same "long distance" phase again...

Well i showed i didnt want the friend thing, i was upset about it but played it cool like "oh well whatever life goes on" type of thing, and she said shed "rather have me in her life than at all", and shes comin down in like 3 months, and i said "yeah, i dont wanna see you" i kinda mumbled it ... she said "you dont wanna see me?" i said "i duno maybe, bye" she said "bye" and i hung up.

she said theres gonna be no spark when she sees me next time... i feel used, and all that time spent txting was fucking wasted

So wht to do? BREAK OFF ALL CONTACT? and dont talk to her at all for about 3 months until i do see her, cause her first cousin sister that lives here is close to me, so i proly will see her.... AND how to act when i do see her? i still like her and want that spark to come back. the fuck she change so fast sayin we have no connection anymore, one minute "i love you" now this?

Hey MackAttack,

What happened to leave them better than you found them? She could have made a good pivot or wing potentially for you later. Even though they might not like you that way doesn't mean she can't help you meet more women. Besides we can all use friends in this life.

You dug your own hole on this one man.

If there is any way to salvage this I would. Having girls out there bad mouthing you is not a good thing. You should apologize and befriend her.

I know how you feel. I have had girls making out with me one minute and saying Let's just be friends the next in the past. If she has friended you then it's a little late to build attraction. You are "just a friend" in her mind. Just learn from the mistakes you might have made by not building enough attraction, or not esclating enough, and then don't repeat them later.

Jon

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Been around the world twice, Talked to everyone once...

if i dont talk to her at all for a couple months, wont that restart attraction than? or if i dont talk to her at all until i see her?

She is probably pretty upset by what you said. You spending time away from her is going to widen the rift between you two, it's not going to build attraction in this particular case.

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Been around the world twice, Talked to everyone once...

so theres a 0% chance of hooking up with her than ?

i gathered this from a different forum.... should i txt her saying this than?

"After her LJBF, you can say "I really wish I could be your friend, but I'd really thought we meant more to each other than that after so long, and honestly, I'm looking for more. Sorry, but I guess I was wrong about you."

"I wouldn't use this verbatim as some kind of script to follow, but this approach effectively puts the onus of the rejection back on to her and makes her aware of the LJBF as a rejection. The idea is to defuse any "he just wanted to ƒuck me" ideas AND draw attention to it as a rejection. The problem with a LJBFs as a social convention for women is that it's gotten to a point where it's a default, autonomous response, and not a real rejection of intimacy. It's become such a useful tool that they don't understand the latent function of it. When they're made aware of it, in a responsible way, recognizing the rejection aspect is unavoidable. Insomuch as it's Man's responsibility to approach, initiate, be decisive, etc. with a woman, it should be incumbent on a woman to give him a straight rejection or acceptance of his approach. Unfortunately not all of us are mature enough at any given stage to do so, so we develop social contingencies to cope with uncomfortable circumstance.

All this said, even after delivering an assertive counter, you MUST stick to your choice. You can only walk away with your self-respect and her own respect for as far as you're willing to follow through with it. Cut off attention, focus on other things, take some time for yourself, analyze how you came to be in the LJBF position, etc. She WILL try to get you back as a friend, for her own ego preservation if nothing else. Do NOT allow this. It's not her punishment, it's not spite, it simple utility. The longer you entertain her the longer you will be paralyzed. You will be in limbo because you refuse to see her behaviors are her message, not her words. When extinguishing a behavior, in behavioral psychology, subjects universally attempt novel behaviors in order to reestablish a previous reward / reinforcer that prompted the prior behavior. People will do this too. The AFC with step up his efforts in new ways in order to prove his merit for intimacy, and women will be flirtatious and accommodating in ways they never thought necessary in order to reestablish prior attention levels they enjoyed before a takeaway. Be prepared for this"

Mate, you insulted her, hung up, and plan on ignoring her. That will not build attraction. Bit of common sense here, reverse the situation on yourself. Freezing out works if she is attracted to you, not the other way around.

As for the LBJF reply-text, it may work. Phoning would be better, no doubt you've really upset her. Still, why not be honest with her rather than regurgitating stuff? It sounds like you do just want her for sex.

ok how bout this?... i call her... go with that lbjf response.... and just act how i normally would "fun and flirty and all that", and not give off that i see her as a "friend" vibe, and only here and there talk to her, but still act the same way.

Dude....first of all attraction that is geniune NEVER dies. Its always going to be there even if its a subconcious "what if" feeling.

You did fuck up by how you handled it. In the case of LDRs, unless you can see one another once or twice a month you SHOULD have an "open-relationship". Part of a good relationship is physical intimacy, and you can't give that to one another consistantly in an LDR. You need to be able to see other people and have fun, the both of you.

If you have a strong enough emotional connection then you can stand the test of time. Thats all there is in a LDR is the "time" in between when you can and can't be together. In some cases there is a point where you don't need that physical intimacy, but in this case she probably feels "caged"; not being able to enjoy her youth.

You need to call and apologize (a real man knows when he did wrong and admits to it), and then purpose an open-relationship. You obviously care about this girl, don't waste that.

i told her about that open relationship, but shes not like that, its against her morals or whatever she said

Well in that case, you can just let it go for now. When you see her, act like you are still together.....like I said "attraction never dies".

Just be friends with her for now, and than when time comes hook it up easy

Dude,, I think you sort of figured it out here. First off, LDR's are born to die. You're getting a not bad option here. Seems like you got a bit hurt, but get over that.

In your shoes I'd call, apoligize for "smoking crack" that day and tell her about all the great stuff you guys can do together when she comes down. Wouldn't that be fun? So do it.

LJBF can be a real drag. But sometimes for women, let them say what they want to to say and then you do what you feel like doing. If you think you really got something going on with this lady, make it happen when she comes down to visit and don't worry of LJBFs.... Give you an example, HB10 I just met agrees to a date if it's on the LJBFs basis. Dude, I fucking jump all over that because on the date I know I can totally turn that.

One last note. Cut it with the strategy of things you're saying to her. Every thing out of character you say to her is turning her off. If you're a great guy, be that to her and make sure she gets her butt down to visit and have some fun.

Good luck