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I agree, its not about what to say. You talk to people all day long, and start conversations without realizing it. The problem is that when you are talking to a girl you want to sleep with, you put too much importance on the interaction. You so worried about being rejected that you try to come up with the perfect line or conversation. The problem with that is that it makes you seem needy and weak because even if you did manage to come up with the perfect conversation, the girl would probably be able to sense your anxiety and need to please her.
If you, on the other hand, try to just relax and be friendly and talkative with everyone you meet regardless of how bangable they are, you will naturally be more open and talkative when an hb crosses your path. Just take all the pressure off of yourself and remember that even if she doesn't like you, it's not the end of the world and there are plenty of other women out there. Also don't try to say things that you think she wants to hear, and don't agree with her on everything to try to win her approval; women hate that. The best conversations I've ever had with women have been light and humorous debates or disagreements. Women like to hear your opinions and your points of view, they don't want their own thrown right back at them.
You have put my position perfectly. The issue with me is i never let go of anything, even if she doesn't seem interested. I just don't like losing. However when i am talking to my friends who are girls i'm perfectly normal and chatty.