I have been planning on making a thread about this for a while.

I'm in a relationship with someone I have known and dated on/off (although long distance until December) for about 6 or 7 years.

Basically, we have an extremely honest relationship. We always have, and I'd like to think that we always will. But I've noticed that, opening up to a female is a dangerous gamble. Since December, each of us have been constantly exchanging roles in the relationship (Dominator and Subservient -- tell me if there are better suited terms). I'll get sad or upset therefore losing my frame every now & then, giving her the upper hand. I'll gain my frame back, gaining control back with it.

It would seem that, at least in this and previous experiences, cat-string theory applies even in the best relationships, and there is never true balance.

Because she is so intelligent, and I love her to my core, I fear that I am right... I hate having to play such games with her but... is it a necessary evil?

Thanks in advance.

_________________
This isn't just about picking up girls; it's about building a life!

I feel where you're coming from on this one Alien. I've been a victim of this exact same situation. I don't want to fully check yes or no on the survey because I don't truly feel that it's black and white...it never is. I can say that when my girlfriend and I of 5 months broke up, we had gotten really close really quick and I still love her... but when we separated I thought I'd just said goodbye to another one. Even though it hurt I had already prepped myself mentally to move on, so when she realized that it seemed like I didn't care about our relationship anymore, she really started coming on to me again. We ended up hanging out and having 3 nights of sex only 2&1/2 weeks after we separated. So as much as I would like to argue that there CAN be balance, I hate to admit that the balance DOES in fact shift, and that's just part of the ebb and flow of the relationship. I wasn't ignoring her intentionally, but when I did (unintentionally), she really took notice. I remained hopeful, yet detached. Which I'm not really sure how healthy that was, but somehow we ended up in the sheets again even though we are still not in a relationship. Hopefully I provided some insight for you. Best,

_________________
Happy Hunting Comrades! -Shreder

I think the point is to screw the balanced relationship idea. You don't want that. You want to be the person controling it. You want to manage it.

Balance is bullshit. It's never maintained in the long run. ANd when it swings, it's gonna swing against you.

So I say control. It just like a car,,,, someone's got to drive the fu$ker and someone's got to sit back and enjoy the scenerey.

That's the best way to do it.

nature made it so males and dominant and females are submissive.

you need this ratio or it wont work, my ex ltr of 3 years and I were both dominant so there was a lot of hostility between us and any small problem instantly became a big one.

the girl im happily with now is submissive, I decide where we go out, I pick what film to watch and I chose when we see each other. She enjoys where I chose to go, what I pick to watch and the time we're together.

I will ask for her opinion on films and she will say anything, shes got a broad scope in taste which is good because I like alot of horror and intense action films etc...

I have a balanced relationship, but the power isnt balance and it shouldnt be, by balance I mean the serious to fun, time spent together against apart, the mix of things we do... its balanced, we dont spend all our time together in the cinema we mix it up between our houses, bars, clubs.. whatever...

I think there is an emotional balance as well, you see how the ying yang works, one side feeds on the other perpetually.. well relationships are like that.

We all take and we all give, thats essentially a relationship, u take something away from that person to make u happy and that person takes stuff form u to make them happy. If one person requires alot to make them happy and the other party requires very little its like one side of the ying yang being the size of a coin n the other as big as the ocean. Here is where the balance is essential, u need to make sure what is being taken from u, u r replacing.

It took me a long time to figure this out and is the best way to explain my past failed relationships, the girls I was with were insecure to took alot more from the relationship, I have always been secure and confident so I require very little. Trust me its taken long enough for me to find a girl who only takes out as much as she puts in, bless her