Alright theres this dude at my job that tries to be cool with me that i dun even wanna be friends with, and when i walk in for my job day he greets me with a whats up man etc.
But during our work hours he's always being a dick, I run my natural game on a lot of females at my job and so does he, and this dude tries so hard to make me look bad.. I mean he's a dick only to me, all the other guys at the job respect.... and like when he trys to "play" me or crap like that I either ignore it or I reply back depending on what he says, but he mainly does it in front of females to make me look bad... its flat out annoying and it pisses me off, how can i get this dude to get off my back?




And BTW i dunno if this is the right forum for this post, if not my bad.

Sounds like a case of jealousy/insecurity.

Whenever he tries to bring you down he'll be feeling low value. Realise this is probably something he's unaware he's doing. He won't be making a conscious decision to bring you down, but rather, he'll feel an emotion, and just naturally react to it.

If he stopped an thought about it, he'd realise this makes him look bad as well as you.


This is one of those cases you have to accept that he's still learning, as we all inevitably are, and that he'll eventually learn this behaviour's unacceptable, but no amount of convincing will make him change his ways. Unless your a master at reframing.

Simply remain unaffected, or ignore him completely when he behaves like this, and he'll slowly learn he doesn't get what he wants through this behavior. Responding to him defensively displays you've been affected, and will reinforce his actions, so avoid that even if your in the right. Being passive aggressive will also reinforce his behaviour, so avoid that aswell.

Take the high ground. It's the only solution.

Wolfus

thats true what you're saying, but like he curses at me like out of no where he'll b e like wtf u doin? and crap like that and i curse back at him, if he keeps it up ill prob punch him in his face, but i dun want it to get to that. i just feel like a bitch if a dude talks to me like that and i ignore him, but if i reply im feeding into what he wants, he basically tries to make me look like a pussy

If it's going too far, instead of ignoring him, just calmly call him out on it.

Something like "That was pretty uncalled for", with an unimpressed "What are you doing?" sort of look can go a long way.


Also, you can actively lower his value by being cocky and funny to make him look negative. The only thing is, you have to have an extremely strong frame, where it looks like your not even phased by his comment, your just playing around.


If you even look the slightest bit annoyed it won't work. Pretty much a neg, but you have to calibrate it perfectly.

Your frame needs to be "Nothings a big deal, i'm only doing this to amuse myself whilst there's nothing better to do"

Like if someone else entered the room you'd probably engage them, rather than continuing. He's just not high value enough to justify the attention. Anyone, even a stranger is higher value, so you'll speak to them instead.


Wolfus

Just talk to him in private and explain what it is that bugs you so much. If he still does not improve, I suggest you talk to his boss about this.

alright thanks for the advice guys,really appreciate it

I think the best advice is to handle the situation right when it happens (say something C&F, or just give a "What are you doing?" look). This will condition him to not feel good about doing it, and hopefully stop.

Talking in private should be a second resort. He still may deny it, so I would revert back to step 1 (C&F).

I think bringing a boss into the situation will make things a lot worse. If he gets disciplined, that will just give him more fuel to put you down with, and this time it is warranted. If he gets fired, the people that like him will probably hate you. But most likely, the boss will do nothing, and he will still have more fuel to put you down with. Also, your boss will think you can't handle simple disputes with peers, which is a bad thing.

So handle the situation on your own. Don't be a tattle tale.

Yeah, basically you want to limit the attention you give him when he behaves like this. By going to your boss you give him a TON of attention.

It's like standing there justifying yourself whilst someone rips you apart. You just look weak, and they'll continue.

The way I see if you only have 3 options:

1. Remove attention/Ignore.

2. C&F neg, whilst remaining unphased

3. Calling him out on it.

As long as you maintain frame & remain unphased whatever he does it's all good.

Think of it like a male shit test.

Wolfus