im a confident guy. but im not self confident. went out approaching and got completely shit scared i froze. i was out with V1V who was like "two hb's - approach!" i just couldnt. i did a few small approaches for directions and stuff and got a couple of conversations goin but nothing worthy of being called "game". anyone have any ideas on how to get more self confidence without scaring yourself shitless?

_________________
"I learnt my passion in the good old fashoned school of lover boy!"

Hi Shred,

I know what your saying. I used to have that too.

There can be many reasons for your AA. My AA actually got smashed after reading a few things about NLP. On the PUA forum NLP is usually associated with "hypnotizing the HB's", but that all starts with communicating with yourself first. Wich is difficult believe me.

An example. AA in my case is caused by lack of preparation. what helps for me is reading a little on the forum or from a PUA book before sarging. It's all about mindset...

Hope this helps you a little dude, and know that every breakthrough in your life lies beyond a barier of fear.

So focus on the breakthrough...

greetz

Buccaneer

NLP is bullshit. i bought paul mckennas self hypnosis books on confidence and stuff. listened to approaching confidence by gambler. it was all useless. in fact i listened to approaching confidence about 2 hours before i went out and it didnt help at all. i emailed paul mckenna as to why his stuff didnt help, he said cos i told him i blushed it means i have a deeper issue and referred me to an nlp practicioner.

im trying to not use any pickup material now. its gotten me nowhere anyway. i use it but dont understand it. my main problem is people tell me i look like im trying when im being the natural me. thats what pckup has done to me. also its made me completely obsessed with getting girls cos i see people gettin results all the time and im not.

btw, nlp is not really bullshit, but seeing as ive tried it i dont think its the answer for me. When i went approaching the approaches did not get easier. i managed about 7 approaches and that was just asking for directions. i got so scared i was properly sweating. its horrible, i dont understand how you people do it.

_________________
"I learnt my passion in the good old fashoned school of lover boy!"

Hiya mate,

I've had this problem myself, what i did and advice other to do, was i made a routine, or a mantra if you so will, that i knew would calm my nerves.

Now it could be anything from giving myself a pep-talk while shaving before leaving for a night out, to small puns i'd repeat in my head if i saw someone i wanted to approach. Merely reapeating something like "Crowded club... lots of AFC's... How glad am i im on top of the food chain!" in your head before starting game at a club will help you tremendously.

Another thing worth trying is to ask yourself something;

"How can i get less anxious about doing this?"

The human brain loves problem solving and will do its best to help you out, this was a tip i got from my basketball coach when i had problems fighting confidence issues.


Hope this helps, Peace

Swing

even though iv been learnin this quite a while, im still not even afc level. i have a lot f afc friends who do better than i. I just dont wanna get nervous yknow. Im even nervous standng at the train station. i ave extremely low self esteem and get shy and stuff. i blush a lot. it just seems impossible to even ask the time... ts real bad

_________________
"I learnt my passion in the good old fashoned school of lover boy!"

lol wtf

My two cents:

Clothing & Hygiene
If you look great, you will feel great! Spend some time choosing an outfit before you go out, something that fits you well and looks good. Brush & floss your teeth (and keep some gum handy), put on some cologne/perfume (if you don't have any, buy some!). Put on some peacock-item to really make you stand out in the crowd.

Working out
You don't have to sign up for a gym, go for a 30-minute walk every day, 10 pushups and 10 crunches will make you feel like a new man in a few weeks.
A fit body helps confidence like nothing else.

Bodylanguage
There are plenty posts about bodylanguage in this forum, I'd suggest you read some (or pick up David DeAngelos Body Language program). A great body-language helped my confidence alot

Screaming at the mirror
Every day, when you wake up, look into the mirror and tell yourself "I'm awesome, I'm confident, chicks dig me, I am the best man in the world" (or something like that). It may sound stupid, but do this enough and it will change the way you see yourself.

Help for approaching
A quick tip for approaching: Have an opener ready! Don't bet on making up one on the spot, write down a few beforehand. This will make your first approaches much easier until you get in to the groove. Also remember, the more approaches you do, the more your confidence will grow!

COMMIT YOURSELF
You really have to commit yourself to this stuff.. This isn't some miracle cure that you can do once or twice and out of nowhere you will have sky-high confidence. If you are really serious about getting better confidence, self-esteem and, of course, gaming chicks, make a 90-day commitment to yourself that you will give this a shot. (If you're not sure if you can make it on your own, make a 90-day commitment to ME and I'll pester and bug you into action)

Final words
When it comes to getting more self confidence without scaring yourself shitless...
To get self confidence, you HAVE to step out of your comfort zone and do some scary stuff (like talking to girls). Do something that scares you every now and then, and it will probably help your self confidence more than any of the above tips ever would.

_________________
Man is the pupil. Pain is the teacher.

thanks. some of it i dont wanna do. like the working out i really cant be bothered to do. dont need to be fit to get girls.

i use peacock items occasionally but have never had anyone talk to me cos of em lol

90 day commitment? that sounds like david d's advanced dating series haha.
commit myself to what man. approaching? i went out for a day just to approach, i was too scared! its not easy, hell its not even ok. its the hardest thing ive ever done. i can seem to talk to people ok when im with friends but on my own im useless. im just a nervous wreck. ive tried all sorts of hypnosis and nlp stuff for this. nothings helped me at all. if anything im worse than ive ever been. may sound like a hypochondriac but i genuinely think ive got agoraphobia. i hate people

_________________
"I learnt my passion in the good old fashoned school of lover boy!"

I have the same problem but normally when I don't want the girl it disappears. It's weird. I don't know if you have the same problem as I do but try not caring if you even get the girls. Don't go beyond thinking about opening.

The reason you have AA is because you think about what might happen. A lot of people don't Mystery but he speaks the truth when he says "It's like jumping out of an airplane". When you do something as extreme as that you don't think, you just do.

If you have agoraphobia then you wouldn't even go out... Unless that was a joke...
Btw, check out this site, I recommend it to everyone.
http://alexattitude.com

_________________
Why is the Rhum gone?!

Self improvement is masturbation

Now, self destruction...

(Tyler Durden, Fight Club)

My comments from what I've read so far:

1) You need to stop looking for excuses, and thinking you know what woman are attracted to.

2) Training at the Gym is not only to have a better % chance with the ladies, its also for your own confidence, because you will see a constant improvement in yourself if you are consistent.

3) If you really cant approach, then I recommend seeing a Psychologist, your lack of confidence is obviously from something in your past, a psychologist will be able to help you through the trouble, but don't go to the psychologist with a negative mindset, positivity is the key to success.

thanks for the advice. im going to see a psychologist pretty soon, just gotta sort it out with my doctor. and agoraphobia isnt always not going out. if you get nervous at junctions, dont like sitting middle row, arent confident when you dont have friends, these are all signs of agoraphobia.
i dont want to go to the gym SPAM. its an embarrassing thought. im not willing to go there.

_________________
"I learnt my passion in the good old fashoned school of lover boy!"

A couple things I noticed:

1.) You have a negative response to everything that any one says. You are finding problems with all their suggestions, and this is a sign of a deep rooted resistance to change.

2.) In every new post you add something in that you don't like about your self. Like you said you kind of sound like a hypochondriac.

You kind of seem to have a negative attitude. You mostly talk about what won't work or what you can't do or what you don't like. I used to have this same problem. I would have really a "no" attitude and it really made me stuck in a rut and made me feel like shit. Maybe you should try going trough a week being really cocky. Don't talk about anything that you don't like about your self just talk about what you do like. In addition try saying yes to more things, it will make you try more things thus increasing your chances of finding success for your problem.

Thats just my 2 cents you can decide if it's something you would want to try.

thank you man. I'll give that a go. It's got no risk attached and can't really do anything bad so I'll give it a bash mate. I'm trying to shake the negative attitude, but I been feeling really shit recently so it's hard but I'm working on it. Any ideas for how to generally be happier, even without women?

Thanks

_________________
"I learnt my passion in the good old fashoned school of lover boy!"

I'll just break-down one of your replies:
You don't need to be fit to get girls, but working out generally makes you healtier and releases chemicals in your bosy which make you happier. Isn't htat what you wanted?

You should start gaining respect for yourself-do something. Self improvement=life.

Next time you want a pizza-Try not ordering it, instead going to the restaurant and picking it up yourself.

Get your ass out of the computer and get a fucking life. Do something fun. Or at least do something.
You spent a day sarging- Tyler Durden spent years in field. 90 days is nothing.
Your ancestors went to battles, without knowing whether they're gonna get alive out of them or not. Approaching girls is way safer.

-see a doctor.



I actually was going to write about my personal unsuccessful experiences and how I overcame many obstacles, but after reading your replies, I understood that no matter what I say, you'll still think that your life sucks more than everybody else's

Here is my sincere advise.

1) Practice>books

2) Go to a nightclub/party with your friends just to have fun. Have a few shots, and dance as you want-you can do a robot-dance, break-dance, whatever the f*** you want. Just have fun. Set a goal to get blown away 10 times.(blown away means either "GTFO you retard" or her bf, asking you to step outside or girls walking away.) Basically set a goal to LOSE

Next night just do the same, but, after dancing, having fun, set a goal to make 10 approaches. Forget about closing, Approach=success. Do this for a month.
Forget about openers, just come smiling and say" Hey girls you look gorgeous, my name is jason."

If you don't really get blown out hardcore every one of 10 times every night for a month, that means you're in conversation now-congratulations! In that case all you need to do is just to look at your watch and say, "Hey I have to go meet my friends. Give me your number, I want to hang out with you sometime." and give her a your phone.

Outcome doesn't matter. This is not a competition or a showcase.

Just do this for the beginning.

P.S. speak louder. People can't hear well in noisy places and repeating the same thing 5 times really kills momentum.

And one more thing. I've heard some bad things about you. Not going into details, at least learn how to be a "bro". Read a bro code, and have it as your guide for now.

I would suggest reading some Buddhist books-they have a lot of great ideas, and if you really understand them you'll have 0 inner game problems-but you don't seem to be open-minded enough to do this. (I'm not Buddhist btw)