help!

i used to date a girl a couple months ago - for about 5 weeks (slept with her a few times) and really really fell for her - even though i don't have trouble picking up and meeting girls = one-i-tis!

i (stupidly) had my heart on my sleeve in the beginning, think she got scared after a few weeks, and pulled back. a little over a year ago, she did get out of a 5 year relationship where she was engaged (a little over a year ago). i think maybe while we were dating, she was also seeing someone else... maybe a long distance guy since she would have 'friends visiting' on a couple consecutive weekends.

to make a long story short, i pulled back and she really didn't make an effort. so it's been a little over a month since we've hung out/talked.

yesterday she sent me an email that was quite nice, but lacking real emotional depth or anything about her missing me. more like a 'how have you been!??!! what's new?!?' email.

anyway, i ended up inviting her to something a few days out. she said she has a 'client dinner' but when she found out it would be over by 7:30pm, she said ok.

i think she's probably dating someone else (probably not in the area) or doesn't want to be intimate anymore, so i'm wondering how should i act when i see her in a couple days. perhaps just being fun and nice, but not giving her too much attention. don't know...

i'm afraid of being crazy one-i-tis into her again and once again getting really hurt, so would be great to feel in control when we see each other and for her to walk away feeling like she's missing out by not being with me.

i would love to push her attraction switches!!!! how do i push her attraction switches with an old one-i-tis if she's not into it anymore or dating someone else?

suggestions?!?? help!!!

First, a side note: I was actually coming here to post about a struggle I'm having with one-itis, then I read your post and weirdly enough it's kinda helped me out.

Dude, your fucked.
This kind of game is REALLY hard to play. Remember that women are far better socially calibrated than we are, their brains actually have MORE receptors for social cues and body language than we have! Because of this, you will subtlely give yourself away. Period.
However, the best way to deal with it that I've found (aside from the best one which is to screw 10 other girls ) is to begin to push her out of your mind. Make yourself BE done with her. Once you've finally set your mind on the fact that it's kaput-ski, the emotional gears switch to getting over it, and then you might stand a chance, but then also...
you may no longer care to.
I'm dealing with it to bro. I met a chick (smart sexy and wealthy) who I slept with this weekend. She's the first girl of quality I've slept with in 11 years (I'm recently divorced, then started on the path to pua). However, I used to be a natural before I met my wife, and alot of those skills are slowly coming back to me along with all this wonderful new shit I'm learning since finding the community. Anyways, made the girl cum 5 times, I shoulda had this one in the bag, but then I can't stop thinking about her, and each time I do I get happier and happier, until finally, I'm "twitterpaited".
Already have started to fuck things up to the point where I think it's probably done (although maybe not, we'll see). So I'm "throwing her out of my head." Everytime I think of her I tell myself, "It's done." then I show myself why it is. I then start realizing that the girl I'm falling for isn't who the girl really is (is yours?), they never are.
Then she starts to become just another girl and you start to see your not fighting your emotions for her, but your just fighting your emotions. I hope this is making sense
So, keep telling yourself "it's over and done with." Follow the logic to it's conclusion (example: I'm not going to call her, it's done. Even if I do call her, I'm to weird right now to play good game. And if that happens she's gone. If I don't end up calling her, it's done. So either way it's done, although with me not calling her it'll be done without me having to suffer humilation as well. So I will not call. (emotionally start to try to move on)).
Also, it's baby steps with this process, the emotional turmoil receeds slowly. Really fucking slowly.
Remember, don't approach one-itis as if it's love, cuz it's not. One-itis is addiction, plain and simple. Just instead of it being crack, or heroine, or cigarettes, or alcohol, it's to the idealized memory of a person. Treat it like an addiction, kick the habit. Do it cold turky.
good luck bro,
Tempest

thanks for your reply...i totally agree...

so i saw her tonight - after 5 weeks. it was a little awkward. i was being more distant than previously, and so was she. she had some work gig later in the night so we only hung out for a couple hours at an event.

like my friend said, as soon as i dipped my toe in (seeing her), i would just fall into it (which i kinda did). i tried everything to be reserved and just act like she's a friend and stuff, but i'm sure she felt i still liked her - as you say, women are so much more intuned with understanding that...

it's so obvious that she's not in the same place i am, doesn't appreciate me for who i am, etc... that i am (trying) to just cut it off. not sure what to do if she reaches out, but definitely not going to make any more of an effort. it just pulls me back into her spell, makes me feel self conscious (even though i'm quite a confident person and know what my value is).

it's going to be difficult for sure. afterwards, i met up with some friends at a bar and just couldn't bring myself to pick up or talk normally to any women. she destroyed my self esteem and it just sucks. but, the more i distance myself from her, or thoughts of her, i'm sure i'll be alright.

as my friend said, the girl you are obsessing over doesn't exist. if she was as amazing as you think or make her out to be, she wouldn't be treating you this way.

so...wish me luck...going to try to put her out of my mind/heart and try to find someone (or 10) other girls to focus on...

cool bro
The way I like to say it:
Don't ever worry if a girl is the "one", just focus on whether she's worth being the "next one".
Let the games begin!!!
Tempest