Lol, yeah... This was a problem for me recently. My new solution is extremely simple, extremely effective, and I feel awesome in my own skin. more comfortable than I have ever been in my life. That was over the span of about... Thursday - Today. So, in a few days Ive gotten more confident than I have in 8 or 9 months. When I first discovered the community.
First I wanna get to some less effective methods. They work great, dont get me wrong, but mine worked wonders for me. Today I picked up two girls with boyfriends. And on Monday I got the rousing suspicion that a girl who really hated me before had a crush on me, one of my best friends older sister hit on me really hard, I accidentally opened a 3-set... Of old ladies! Lmao, weirdest thing Ive done in a while, but I guess they were HBs like 50 years ago. At least I made them feel like those perfect 10s again.
Okay, well I dont agree with what bot says. I dont think every PUA has fear of approach. Some guys are just totally bold, and comfortable in their own skin. I also never use scripted material... But thats a personal choice. Everything has its purpose, and even Brad P endorses having canned material, so its cool.
1.
Songs and Self-Confidence CDs.
Whenever youre in a good mood you listen to your iPod (if you have one). Then eventually youll associate that song with being in that mood. Vice versa.
The Self-Confidence CDs can also just be replaced by songs with positive lyrics, and preferably songs you actually like. I tend to avoid something thats depressing or has overly-negative lyrics, even if I like the sound of it because it isnt condusive to my outcome. And this quote I heard a few times, Man becomes what he thinks about most. Theres even a psychology term for this... I think its propinquity, but Im not totally sure. But its when you focus your mind on certain things, then whatever youre not focusing on doesnt even enter your consciousness.
Anyways, listen to it on the ride to school or work. This is when youll know what it says consciously.
And listen to it when youre going to bed every night. Go deep into trance... Fall asleep with it on. Its easier and more confidential for me to do this because I have an iPod, and just put it on there.
But Ive also installed the belief into myself that this isnt completely necessary, it cant hurt anyways... And it makes me feel chill. Apparently, I heard this from a Religion teacher at a private school, 50 min of meditation with these CDs is equivalent to 2 hours of sleep.
2.
Meditation.
This can be with the songs and self confidence CDs, or just listening to everything around you. Sitting still, getting rid of any negative thoughts and feelings. This is supposed to focus your mind, maybe make you fall asleep, and stop the chatter in your mind.
After finishing this everyday I feel really *light* (my keyboard is kind of broken... so I cant put parentheses)
3.
Vision.
This can be from envisioning what a confident person would do in this situation, to visioning what your life will be like.
This can be like a movie in your mind, or you can write it down, but you cant ever doubt - only the confident belief that it will come true within a specified amount of time.
The process I use to plan things out is called the Vision Map Process... Very creative name
It goes in 4 main steps (which you write down btw):
Step 1. List the Most Important Areas of Your Life.
Step 2. List the Most Important Dreams in That Area.
Step 3. State Dreams and Goals.
Step 4. Goals to Steps. List steps to achieve the Goals. Take complex steps and break them down into tasks that need to be completed.
4.
Progressional Desensitization.
You just build up your tolerance to it by doing it more frequently. Like going out more often, talking to more people, and taking baby steps to getting over the fear.
5.
Approach Anxiety Flooding.
I havent done this one...
This is when you go direct and neg the crap out of girls. And you can peacock as well.
You go out, do something so bold that it makes your senses over-whelmed. The theory is that you get so scared, that doing it the next time wont seem as scary in comparison.
Actually, I kind of did something to this, but it was performing in a play in front of 500-700 spectators. The first time I felt like Id crap my pants, and the repeat performance was just chicken feet. Blew through that with no problems.
Another principle behind this idea is to make yourself say - Hey... that happened, I didnt get slapped. They just walked away. They hurt my feeling... but Im still here!
6.
Actual Methods.
This first one is from AFC Adam.
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Talk to three cute girls a day and give them compliments - but immediately walk away.
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Eventually you might stay or they start to react positively, then you realize that you were actually running away from a positive situation - they probably wouldve complimented you back.
From Me (Roxstar). This one is an adaptation of a home-based boot camp. I decided to do this, as well as pick girls up.
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Say Hi to ten strangers a day. I dont count kids in my school, any of them.
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Even if weve never spoken before, Ive never seen them before, or if we talked outside of school. I probably saw them before - so therefore, Im probably more used to them... They also have pre-assumed Social Status, well, me too... But whatever - I dont count them, or anybody I talk to at school anyways.
I count the people I talk to at lunch, and after school, and on the weekends. Im lucky to live close to a mall, so I just go out in any clothes I want - it doesnt matter to me what I wear, it can only make me more comfortable in my abilities if I wear something that looks bad.
Not everybody lives close to a mall... So take every opportunity you can.
Like taking the bus, or going for walks.
Alright, well, I got to go. Those are what I do, and some that I dont. I left out Neediness, and Beliefs & Understandings... You should be fine with just the last two though.
Go crazy,
Roxstar[/b]
CHAT
