Hey guys,
I was just wondering how to handle a failed kiss close. I know every situation is different, but let's say you are hanging out in the girl's apartment and you go for a kiss close...only to be stopped by a hand on your chest and the girl telling you it's "too soon" or she "isn't ready" or something like that. At the moment I have a situation in my life that makes me very curious to hear some answers to this. It involved a girl I've been seeing for a couple weeks now, so I'm not just talking about someone I picked up in a bar. This is someone I've invested time in, that I am somewhat interested in.

Of the two options I gave above, I have a feeling I might be stopped by the "not ready" excuse. How should I act? I mean, beyond the obvious of not acting like it hurts my feelings or anything, I don't know how to handle that rejection.

If you're uncertain that she wants to kiss you(i.e, she hasn't already stuck her tongue down your throat) use the mystery kiss-close on her, or triangle gazing. Both methods are already well documented on the forum

'too soon' OR 'not yet...'

translates to she wants to!!!!!, but you have missed something....

what do you think you have missed in the stages of building comfort, exculating, frame, kino...... anything!!!????




(i am asking the question so you can answer it yourself..... self portaryed questions are the best learners.....)


answer your own question and you will build your self education....

From reading that you have made a fatal error on your part. You're in the "Friend Zone." What are you doing investing weeks into this women??? you're showing--- I'm good boyfriend material--- too early. I don't know what kind of things you two do when you're together (I hope your not giving free therapy).
When she said "It's too soon.." That is BS you got to look at the true meaning of what women are saying. She's saying I'm not interested in you that way. If 2,3, 6, weeks is too long there's a problem.

I've seen this case before what you're going to have to do is stop being available for this girl. Be Busy!! If she wants to hang out "Be Busy!!!" Let her know your hanging out with your boys or something. When you do hang out with this girl( I wouldn't recomend seeing her more than once a week)give her 1 hour of your time maybe 2hrs..Simply make an excuse to leave when your both having too much fun(give her a sense of loss).
these tactics will force her to step her game up. If she interested in you it will become apparent only if stop being Available too her all the time.
if you still can't kiss close drop her.
I'd say drop her now save yourself a headache and go look for other women and never make the mistake of courting a women before you've got your needs fufilled again

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Effort surpasses Talent, but of course I already have Talent I'm just putting Effort on Top of that

sounds like you haven't tried yet

sounds like you think she's going to say "i'm not ready"

In NLP they call this predicting the future and mind reading... you can't know what's going to happen and you don't know what she's thinking.

What you FEEL is just what YOU think.

Dude, the girl has been "seeing you" for a couple of weeks. What makes you think she's not ready? She's probably sitting around going "god damn, I invited this guy back into my apartment and all he's doing is sitting on the other end of the couch. He won't even put his arm around me!"

You are psyching yourself out of kissing her by what i can tell.

...

Am I right? Yes, I thought so.

Now... on the offchance that you DO get rejected.. there's a ton of literature on this... basically you back it up, build more comfort, build more kino and attempt to escalate again at a later point.

If you fail after two kiss attempts, then you've got to have another look at what you're doing wrong. Basically what ming said.

- Dex

I never said there was no kino going on yet. Just said I wanted to prepare myself if a kiss-close failed. And I thought I had made it clear, but I guess maybe my vocabulary wasn't right: I HAVE NOT YET attempted a kiss-close with her. Last but not least, when I say I've been seeing her for a while, yes it has been a couple weeks now...but it's not like it has been every day. There have been times when she asked me to come over and I said, "Nah, I need to go back to bed because I plan on putting in some overtime at work tonight."

Brief note about my life: thank God for a crappy paying overnight job that requires me going in for overtime to break even. I can give her a REAL time constraint as opposed to a phony one. Then again, I'm not against making up stuff. After all, like Mystery said: "It's not lying, it's flirting."

One last thing: no, there is no free therapy going on...although the word "Free" has been involved because we've been more or less attending free summer music festivals and doing other various activities that involve little or no money. I've paid for one or two things so I don't look COMPLETELY cheap, but at the same time I'm glad I haven't been taken for a ride. If so I would have spotted that already and dumped her. In my opinion, the only thing worse than flat-out rejection is being strung along. Nothing worse than being told a woman wants to "take things slow" so you go to dinner, movies, etc...only to be told "I'm not feeling any real chemistry like that" or some bullshit. Dammit, stories like that are stamped all over my past. I'm talking the true AFC lifestyle, and dammit I am determined to leave that crap behind!

What the mess you're talking about built up fantasies of getting rejected.
Either way if you dont move Now your done in fact you may already be done for with this girl taking weeks and putting so much on a little Kiss.

_________________
Effort surpasses Talent, but of course I already have Talent I'm just putting Effort on Top of that

Kino escelation, + push pull. build up kino, look deep into her eyes and say something like dont expect to get a kiss from me!' in a cheeky mannor then push her away, then build up more kino and use styles routine where you smell her hair. triangular gaze then if she leans in slightly = kiss!

two weeks and no kiss is just rediculous, when you say you are very interested in her imagine yourself together a girl who has no sexual drive for the rest of her life, stupid conservative bitch, dump, move on...

SouthernCross
uh, no...it's not built-up fantasies of being rejected by one girl. It was a question about how to handle a rejection IN GENERAL.

Are you interested in this being a short term thing, or is this a future girlfriend?

You can always plant the idea of dating in her mind (without saying "I want to date you"). This will be an appealing idea if you have properly demonstrated value and generated attraction. I can't see how comfort could still be an issue given how long you have spent working on this girl.

If she rejects you, her response will fit into one of two categories:

"Dismissal" - this is a "let's just be friends" response, and is pretty much the most extreme indicator of disinterest there is. She'll call you a "really nice guy" and stuff -- basically it means she doesn't think of you as a mate. Nice guys are the lowest on the ladder of sexual energy.

"Delay" - this is what you described in your first post. "Not yet", or "I'm not ready" fit into this category. There are many ways to handle this:

1) Explain to her that you like her, and you need to connect with someone emotionally, mentally and physically before you know whether or not you want to date them. If she sees relationship potential, you're kind of holding the idea of dating hostage.

2) Freeze out, generate attraction and try again. This may be hard because you can't justifiably change your personality/demeanor dramatically since you've been with her a lot already, but you should be able to pull it off. If she sits on a sofa, don't sit next to her, pick the chair. If you guys get into a car with friends, don't try to sit next to her. These indicators of disinterest combined with generating attraction should have her begging for escalation.

Good Luck! Move now or you'll lose your chance faster than you can say "let's just be friends"!

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What mech said + don't set yourself up for rejection?

Have you been reading up on "how to be the world's best kisser?"

That would be setting yourself up for success.

Why plan for failure?

- Dex

If you faild a K close, you neg the shit out of the TARGET.












Magic J

i say u wait till u are at her apartment and use mystery method on her and go ahead and ask her if she wants to kiss u... i have done this quite a few times and it works

skotch

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"do unto others wat has been done to you"-TOOL

perhaps you ran before you walked. I mean, did you play some kino on her? or say or do anything that may get her to think you wanted something with her.

maybe oyu didn't, or didn't do enough of it, and the k-close took her by surprise. With such warning, k-close by surprise is VERY good. Without these warnings (kino, comments, etc) it is VERY bad, probably ending up in failure.

so I see it

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