I am no good at online sarging. Let alone making my myspace/facebook 'interesting' and appealing.

So here is mine, people that know this stuff, critique it, dumb it down, bring it up, add or remove, change the way things are said. Whatever you can do. Thanks a lot men.


To start... I am 20 years old and in college. Bet you couldn't have guessed that! haha. Okay, okay, I am into Power-Lifting and Strongman, I don't know why, but I love being in the gym. It just feels great moving weight. Don't worry though, I am about health so I do run, bike and row. However I do want to get into things like Yoga, Tai Chi and Meditation... it just seems interesting. When I have the money to spare I do Muay Thai, Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu and would like to start up Boxing.

Now lets see, cooking, I try and practice. I haven't burnt my house down yet, so I can't be that bad. Can I? lol Oh man, can't forget concerts, ya I just went from cooking to concerts. Didn't see that coming, did ya? Well I love concerts... metal and rock mostly. The crowds are fun, along with all of the pits. Country concerts are decent.

I like going place where I can actually dress accordingly as well. I find fashion to be... well, fun? I guess. Oh well. I may walk around in basketball shorts 85% of the time, but when the time comes, I can be sharp and stylish.

In my spare time (besides being in the gym), which by the way is most of my time, I work on cars and play Street Fighter 4. Ya, I am a nerd also. haha. I am well balanced if I do say so myself. Get greasy then play some video games, maybe go swimming. Its all fun though.

Lastly, travel. I want to and I will travel around the world. I have no doubt in my mind that I will.

Knight2007 the number one rule with ANY online profile is to keep it short and sweet. Your about me is way to long. Very few girls are going to go pass the first paragraph. So cut your about me to about 1/4th of what you have and you be much much better off. This is on the fly but you can say something like:

I am in college right now and I am into working out and keeping my body healthy. Besides that I like to cook and maybe do some travel as well. And man I just dig concerts, especially when its metal and rock ones. Oh and in my spare time I become a nerd and work on cars, and play video games.


See how much shorter I got it down to where it was? I know its not that great. But girls are way more likely to read that over what you had. Also keep in mind you can put in the details of specific things you like in the side areas in MySpace and Facebook. I am talking about the "interest" areas where you can say which exact things you are into. Which girls are more likely to read than your paragraph as it gives them a snap shot of who you are.

I think you're wrong Jurupa.

Mine is about as long or longer than Knight's and I get commented on it all the time.

In my experience the number one rule of profile design is do not DLV yourself! However, I also believe in MOST circumstances shorter is better than longer. The longer a profile is the more rope you have to hang yourself with - also if you waffle too much you look like a wind bag.

Jurupa's version is a lot better. It cuts out (almost) all the DLV's and communicates the same DHV's but far more succintly.

If I were you, I'd communicate almost everything you say through pictures, not words. I.e. Pictures of you doing sports stuff, pictures of you cooking, pictures of you at music gigs etc... ideally you're with hot female friends when doing all of them!

Here's a brief review of the bad things in the profile...


Asking for approval = bad. Laughing at your own unfunny joke = bad.


Fluffing uneccessarily = DLV


You don't need to justifying yourself.

You're justifying yourself too much again.

And saying you don't have the money is a DLV.


Asking for approval again and laughing at your own joke again


Stop the self commentary.


Stop asking the reader questions too! Don't approval seek from people you've never even spoken to!


Don't compliment your own personality - it should emerge from your words and your pictures, you shouldn't say it! Just being pictured with friends etc is usually enough to communicate you are a well balanced individual.

Always be very wary saying "I am X" where X is a personality trait. It comes across as trying to prove yourself. Also people who say I am X, usually aren't!


Don't over emphasise the point - because it sounds like you do have doubt in your mind and are trying to convince yourself otherwise.

Thank you very much, this is what I came here for.

I fixed it up.

As for the 'pictures with friends' deal. Me and my friends are not much of the picture taking type. None of us have cameras. None of us take random pictures either.

Everything I have seen says other wise. Question, how old are ya and where you live? Because I am starting to think its a local cultural thing.

Here's mine... had this profile on FB for a couple yrs now...

About me... I'm a cool nice guy however you take it. I'm always into makin' people laugh. I tend to keep to myself and usually over think or analyze things. I love to drive a lot especially up and down 95 with no traffic in sight. I love food! I eat a lot of food... Caribbean, Arabic, Italian, Japanese, American too.., but for a haitain dude portions are sometimes just too small! lol, I have a fear for the advancement of technology and robots (like from the matrix and iRobot: the movie, we makin them too smart all they need to do for me is mop my floor). Don't like onions, not allergic just don't like 'em. Yep thats about it and I like to play racing videogames too what can I say I love a challenge (XBLive gamertag: iMPRESSEDyET) If you really wanna know more and I believe you do.., send one over and say Hi!

I'm in college at ______ right now and I plan on going to either ____ or _____ next year. I've been into lifting weights a lot lately. I'm not on here as much, I usually stay pretty busy with school and other stuff. I'm down for anything normally and am pretty open when it comes to talking about myself.

I wanted to post the link to my profile but for some reason I cant. I joined more than 24 hours ago and this is my 6th post though

http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fu ... D=29150536

I just re-did my profile but the layout is old and I know I need a better picture.


I'm in college at Hopkinsville Community right now and I plan on going to either Western or Austin Peay next year. I've been into lifting weights a lot lately. I'm not on here as much, I usually stay pretty busy with school and other stuff. I'm down for anything normally and am pretty open when it comes to talking about myself.

rlouisj7 - I would take out your XBLive tag. Girls are more than likely see that you waste to much time playing video games. Its okay to mention you play them. But nothing more than that unless you take part in real competitions or something. Besides that your about me is okay. There isn't much excitement in it tho. But if that reflects who you are then you don't need to fix that.



APowell - Your about me is very generic to say the least. Put more personality in it or something.

rlouisj7 - you need some serious work on this. I can't see anything attractive that your paragraph transmits, and lots of unattractive things that it does.

Remember, this is Facebook, hardly anyone fills in the about me section anyway. The fact that you have filled it in AND seem to be trying to impress AND messing it up by generating an uncool image of yourself is going to hurt you.

You may be able to reword this HOWEVER, I'd recommend starting from scratch. Something simple and funny like "You need me because you are weak" would be an improvement.

Here is a harsh line-by-line run through...
Bigging yourself up lowers your value. If you're funny, say something funny. If you're cool, be cool. Saying you are X and Y (where X and Y are personality traits) appears try-hard.
This transmits unattractive traits.

"Keep yourself to yourself" = not sociable and doesn't have many friends.

"Over think or analyze things" = insecure.
Seems to reinforce a loner image - this does not sound like a cool hobby!
So you are not that sociable... you drive about (on your own??) and you eat a lot...

She's getting a great image in her head here!
Add nerd to the list.
Why put this in?!
It gets worse...
This sounds needy and suggests your get picked on a lot.

APowell - where have you posted this? Facebook/Myspace or a dating site.

My overall opinion is slightly negative. There is only one very mild DHV in it, there is nothing funny and it makes you seem a bit boring and unsociable.

Fair enough - I don't know anything about these schools, but this is probably a mild DHV.

It's not going to hurt you - but you could say something more exciting.


Ok, but it's a solitary hobby - you need to balance this with funner, more socialable stuff, otherwise it comes off like you are a loner.
Again - reinforces the unsociable image.
Sounds a bit desperate - i.e. you'll do anything to get some company AND you'll pour your heart out quite quickly (to get approval).

This is the kind of the Dr. Zoidberg from Futurama says!

I posted it on myspace and yeah, I didnt want to say babble on and on in the about me. Yeah, I'll just throw in playing sports with friends after the working out part. I used the "not on here as much anymore" to kind of show how I dont sit around the computer. The "down for anything" part was basically supposed to mean that I am a party boy but I have a lot of different people checking out my profile so I can't exactly come out and say it. Anybody else? I'll change some of it now and repost

This is my second semester at Hopkinsville Community and I plan on becoming a computer programmer/nerd after college. I've been into lifting weights a lot lately and I also enjoy playing basketball and other sports with friends. I'm not on here as much anymore but I usually get on when I have the time. I'm always down to go out and party with friends. If you wanna know anything else, you can hit me up on here and I'll PROBABLY give you the answer lol.


That does seem better than before but something seems missing. I really don't want to make my about me a book because I would assume that most girls wouldnt take the time to actually read it because of how long it is.

http://www.okcupid.com/profile/Burian/
My okcupid profile, posting for feedback and opinions.

What should I highlight, downplay, or edit to seem more attractive?

Does the stream of consciousness piece work to generate interest and display positive eclectic and creative character traits?