Hey guys, i haven't been on here in awhile b/c i've had a going on 4 month GF now and i usually feel as though i'm doing the right thing. Anyway, this girl is submissive, will blow me whenever/sex/clean/pick me up something, etc. I think she's a lovely person but she's too fucking weak, she has no spine/will power.

She's pretty hefty, so i said i wanted us to go to the gym very consistently this whole school semester and eat better, of which she "agreed"(as always).

Yet she'll do stuff like not even check her weight to see where she is now and have ANY goal of where she wants to be. She'll substitute sugary drinks with mad carbs and "low fat" food b/c "she ate well all day". She understand the concept of rationalization, as of yet has been too weak to change. She also doesn't talk a lot to other people or has anything interesting to say so i say "when these guys come to sit with us today for lunch, try and maintain the conversation because it's a very important skillset".

Is it wrong to expect someone to be better? Or to ask for it? Is it wrong to ask her to not be so quiet and overweight? I'm with the girl b/c of what's inside, but seriously...i don't enjoy walking around campus holding hands with a girl that is somewhat overweight, non-engaging, messy hair, etc because i know that there's so much potential there.

She makes witty comments, BEAUTIFUL face/hair, etc...and i want this shit to SHOW. I feel bad b/c when i have sex with her i see her rolls and it's just a turn off. Is this a legit reason to break up? Or should i keep her honest and try and get her motivated and active? She'll go to the gym if "i" go, eat right if "i'm" there....it's almost as if she has zero sense of well-being and doesnt care about herself.

I'd really appreciate any help because this is a very important situation to me, thanks.

dude, you cannot change someone just because you want to see your idealized looking girl staring back at you..

a girl has to change for herself, not because someone is forcing them too..

if it is bothering you that much, then tell her that.. if she cant handle it then break it off and find someone else.. there are plenty of people out there that take care of themselves..

Hi Slyder,

when you describe her positive points (witty comments) it's like you're describing your best buddy, not your g/f.

Men must be physically, sexually, attracted to their romantic partner, or else there's no basis for you to remain monogamous. (I'm assuming that she expects you to be monogamous). You have sexual needs which must be fulfilled, these are biological and cannot be denied.

If she refuses to get herself into an attractive state you're going to have to tell her that you'll have to go and do some girls that do turn you on. You could suggest that you retain your relationship with her, but she must understand that you're going to be doing some more attractive tail.

This should make her think long and hard about your physical needs, rather than just her own gluttony.

Further, there will be underlying reasons why she is a glutton - these maybe linked to your relationship. However, I'll leave those for a longer, more, detailed post.

cheers,

Phil

Slyder, everything she is showing you on the outside, her passivism, her weight, her disorganized thinking, is a reflection of what is on the inside. I think she must very low self-esteem.

She won't be able to do anything better untill she starts feeling better about herself. She can't lose weight because, she doesn't have the tool to do that. Confidence.

This to me is an issue that is not covered in the PUA's handbook. If you like her, try to help her with that. Low self esteem is just another issue in a range of issues that we can get. A lot of times their is a root cause, like a bad relationship with a father or something. But it certainly can be turned around.

Think of it,,, we got a ton of guys here who where complete low-self esteem losers and now have women breaking their doors down.

I'm not a pshycologist, so it's out of my leauge to recomend any kind of plans. But if I was going to offer some small tips I'd say for you to keep your coments with her very postive. Screw the gym, tell her she looks great the way she is. Compliment her selection of clothes. Ask her opinion about things,, anything, "saving whales, climate change" whatever. Compliment her on her looks in front of friends. Build her up.

I'd say do a google search for 'how to help build up someones self esteem" and get ideas better than my own.

COurse they do say "No good deed goes unpunished with women".

So good luck!

Dont ever tell her that, that Is very CRUEL.

First of all: Are you having a good time with your GF? I can tell you are not. So, what are relationships for? Relationships = having a good time with your partner.

You are not having a great time man. You are wasting a lot of energy in something you shouldnt: Trying to make her a better person.

Thats her problem, not yours, you cant be her daddy my friend.

My advice: End it. It sounds like im cold hearted, but Im not. I just went through the same In my life, and realized that there are good girls out there that really care about themselves, and care about you too. And god damn, you cant tell her what to do!!!!! You cant change people. ITs almost impossible for someone to change, and If it happens It takes a fucking long time.


My advice: End it, tell her that you are wasting a lot of energy on her, and that you feel like you are doing all the job in the relationship. You are the one that makes all the thinking AND the acting. Man, come on! A relationship is composed by TWO people. You need a girl that comes out with her own ideas, that likes sports, and invites YOU to do stuff.

You are wasting your time my friend.


PS: Sex is key. Move on.

Cruelty, awesome point. Relationships about mutual enjoyment, awesome point. Change not possible? Fail

You have a lot of good advice here seek. And Im going to second this as well as what Ryguy said. You can't expect to get into a relationship with someone you don't find attractive and then make her attractive. You are not excepting her for her.

Help her out, maybe become good friends, but you obviously are not interested in continuing the relationship.

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You can't make her loose weight, the only way to do that is for her to decide on her own to make gym/healthy eating a part of her lifestyle.
I would suggest that you let your feelings knows. Try writing her a letter, emphasizing how great a person she is and how much you like her personality, but that you are loosing your desire for her due to her weight.. etc..

This would probably go two ways.
The most likely outcome is that she will have to little confidence and will simply give up. In which case you should dump her. There are plenty of women around, no point wasting time with someone you are uncomfortable to even be seen with.

The second outcome is that she will decide she wants to keep you, and use that as motivation to change her lifestyle. If she takes this route, you should try to support her as best as you can.

Lead by example my friend


When she says "lets grab fast food" or "let go out for dinner" say no not tonight Im trying to eat healthy....want to loose some weight and look good for summer.

leave fitness magazines around and make it a note to talk about interesting fact you learned about working out or diet....for example tell her you wer reading about sugar and how bad it is ect....if she gets mad then tell her its your hobby and you enjoy nutrtion and the gym.

you see what Im saying? she will either follow or she wont....if she doesnt then its your call.