I tried some free online dating sites - okcupid and plentyoffish - and I found that over 95% of my attempts at first contact get ignored completely, not even a "fuck off" reply.

Is it typical? Is it better on paid sites?

YES and YES.

You have to remember that many people get these profiles and almost never look at them again after a week. Some people just don't log into the site that often, or have abandoned it all together. Other simply won't like you. So yeah that number sounds about what was happening to me as well on free sites.

When you move from the free ads to the paid ones people are usually a bit more serious since they are paying money. The ratio goes up some. I couldn't tell you exactly because I don't keep those types of statistics. Remember its all still a numbers game though.

Depending on your age and you location depends on the best site for you to join. In most cases sites like Eharmony and Match.com work better for people 25 and up. Some of the MSN and Yahoo Personals, POF, work better for people under 25, as do the networking sites like Facebook and MySpace. This is a generalization and not specific to you but you get the idea.

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Been around the world twice, Talked to everyone once...

OKC and POF are kind enough to tell me last login date, so I never bother with people who haven't logged in in the last week or so, preferably within last two days.

I contacted both about reply rates, ironically I didn't get any reply from the staff either.
I'm 25, in London. My average gf was about 1-2 years younger than me, so I guess I'm after 22-25 yos. What would be the best paid site for me? I can try every single free site because they're free, but I cannot do every single paid site obviously. Also - are sites like AdultFriendFinder working? They're usually not mentioned in discussion about online dating, but it seems online dating enough to me.

I live in the states so you might want to search the Online Sarging Section a bit to check for the best London sites. I'm sure it's been asked before. I would think that sites like Match.com and others would be pretty much universal.

Confidentially, I've had some success on AdultFriendFinder here in the states and things of that nature. If you can find anything sign up for just 1 month, work your hardest and find another site. This is how I figured out the best ones for my area. I had profiles on and tried over the years:

Facebook
MySpace
Yahoo Personals
AOL Personals
MSN Personals
Singlesnet.com
Match.com
Eharmony.com
Date.com
Chemistry.com
okcupid.com
Perfectmatch.com
GreatExpectations.com
Craigslist.com
PlentyofFish.com
True.com

This is a site I found that had some reviews for sites for the UK. Hope it helps http://uk-dating-websites.no1reviews.com/

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Been around the world twice, Talked to everyone once...

Oasis.com

Free and you can see if the person you want to contact is online at that moment, increasing your chances of a repsonse if they are.....for me with the really good looking ones might get four out of ten to chat live to me on that site, but then getting from chat, to getting number, to actually meeting filters out more obviously, but i got no shortage of girls numbers and potential dates etc etc

tiemnao - You will not get a reply from the staff on any dating site about the reply rates. As for one they can't really keep track of such things. And two the rates vary so much you really can't do an average on them. Some guys are going to have better response rate than others. Plain and simple. For me I say on average for every 15 messages I send at best I get 2 responses. And by some luck I will get more back. As JSmooth said, its a number game really. And he is right about the free sites when it comes to girls as most girls will basically stay around for a month and if nothing fancies them they will usually move on.

Another thing to keep in mind when it comes to online dating. Online dating allows girls to be be very picky about which guys they respond to, and so they can afford to sit back and wait for that hunk to send them a message. Compare to real life where a girl is more likely to over look your looks and respond to you as she doesn't have some photo's to look at and a profile to read. She has to ask you questions to get to know you.

From my existing online business experience I would be extremely surprised if any dating website didn't track number as basic to their business as that. Plentyoffish for one not only tracks them but gives you hints how you can improve them (like one that contacting users without pics gives you 4x higher chance of getting a response), except that they don't give the actual numbers.

I get great reply rates on okcupid, I filter for women based on match percentile, recently online (within a week), and I pay attention to their profiles, offering something interesting, fun, and vaguely romantically framed to say about them. Be deeply interesting and have something sincerely informed, offbeat and witty to say gets great responses.
Try to tailor your response to each woman differently based on her stated interests.

Great response rates are like what? What match percentile do you go after?

Most girls' profiles are pretty much identical - "here's the list of movies I like, and here's the list of music I like, plus I love hanging out with my friends".

I go after anything in the 70% and above range. Normally the top 2 pages of matches. I'd say I get at least a 1/5 response rate. I don't know what to tell you in regards to those sorts of profiles, or how to elicit a response from them, I don't message generic girls. I try to message those who try to elicit things I like, or stand out. That's what's great about internet game, It's practically a system of custom ordering a girl, you type in what you like, the system sorts through it for you, and you make a selection.

Do you know how big and how much resources a site like Plenty of Fish would have to use to keep track of such data? I am not saying isn't possible, but it is expensive and I doubt a site like Plenty of Fish would keep such numbers. Their advice to increase your chances of getting a response, is actually posted on other dating sites as well as in numerous online dating articles. Plus if you look thru POF forums, you would see the same advice given there.

I am not trying to bash your game or anything, but to me that seems way to "desperate" and aggressive. I know you should show IOI's, but to get all wrapped up in some girl's profile you don't even know is a bit much for me.


I have only recently started messaging girls on OkCupid. And so far I have sent out 3 messages, and only got one reply back so far. All three messages went out to girls with a percentage of at least mid 70's. But I have to say that a rate of so far of 1/3 is a lot better than what I been getting on POF. The funny part is that my about me on POF and on OKCupid are almost the exactly the same. Tho I kinda disagree about messaging the girls that really say nothing. As JSmooth said in another thread, online game is really a numbers game. And I see no harm in really sending an generic message to a profile that really says nothing. The girl may respond back for all we know.

Jarupa,, I'll part company with you here. I think it's important to add one note to prove that you actually read the chick's profile. I've read through the forum section on POF, and the #1 beef with the ladies are form messages that don't relate in any to way to their profile.

ANother thing I learned,,,, When you write, most chicks don't even read your bullshit, first thing they do is check your pictures. If they like them,, then you are in. If not,, heck they probably won't even read your message.

We all have "lives" here, so maybe we really will never know sure. But I have to wonder, what would be the better investment of time. Mass mailing form letters attatched to a profile with good pictures. Or actually taking to time write strategic messages to specific women?

In my experience...

YES (but...) and NO (but...)

Many guys online get a 0% or very, very low response rates - unless they are good looking OR know good game. Hence a 5% response rate would be typical. However, there is a big difference between typical and possible. When I started on PoF I got a 2% response rate and a 0% close rate. These day I get a 70% open rate and a 40% close rate. Same site, same person but HUGE difference in result.

Secondly, I've always found PoF way easier to work than Match, I think the best I've got is 40% open rate on Match, but as I said before 70% open rate on PoF. However, this won't neccessarily be true for everyone - will depend on how experienced you are at working a particular site and your own personal style.

Thanks man. I sent five on POF and got jack back.

That's cool,,, it's like a piece of clay.

You just have to keep shaping it.