Well first off, you've been on two dates with this girl....how and why are you so deeply attracted? Secondly, if you are truly that emotionally involved in her already, why did you decide to show it? You skipped all the stages of getting to know someone, letting the two of you grow a little bit, creating a foundation, etc. You just jumped straight in and wanted to be passionate and loving with her. That is wayyy too quick, and way too powerful. All that will do 9 times out of 10 is scare the girl off. Give people time to build reciprocated feelings man.

And as what you can do to "win her heart," uhm, be yourself, and stop pressuring her to commit to you. Relationships are something you build, not something you say "okay, this is now a relationship," then it magically becomes something serious. You may be really into her, but she may not be really into you. And now you havn't given her a chance to change that, because she feels obligated to make a decision.

Work on that for next time.

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Hey Locke, Ive read many of your replies and like what you have to say about things! So heres my question.. Ive been dating this girl since December, we never really had "the talk," so I dunno if i can say we are officially bf/gf but we do act as such. Everything is going pretty well but I feel like the heat is dying down! Shes a really cool girl and I always trying to come up with cool interesting things that we can do (around our busy schedules). I just feel that at times there are large silences where we are both at loss for what to say, like we have already shared with each other so much about ourselves and I find myself at a loss for where to take the conversation. Could this mean that I'm just not clicking well enough with this girl or am I just over-thinking this. Shes a really cool girl and I know that I like to spend time with her, I just feel that she may be losing interest do to lack of conversation? We do hang out a lot with only the two of us at my house, so maybe that is why there is not many new things to talk about, so I was wondering what kind of easy conversation topics i could always turn to!

P.s. Is it fine to go on without having any sort of "talk" about how we stand in the relationship. Cuz its not very "official" at the moment. We have just been taking it step by step and it seems that we are both pretty into each other.
[Oh and its my birthday tomorrow (I'll be 20) and I cant decide what I should do!]

Thanks a lot!

Im actually glad you didnt reply yet, I wanted to add something to my question! Last night on my birthday I went out with my girl and 2 other friends to go partay pretty drunk. When my girl started to call me "baby" recently I liked it because I felt that she like had a lil nickname and it was all cute ya know.. but she was calling EVERYONE "baby" last night when we were out. I dunno if i should brush it off because we were all 8 shots in and she was just drunk... but her shirt was also pretty lose and kept falling so people kept seeing her tits which i wasnt really that down for but that she didnt seem to have a problem with.
Though this relationship isnt "official" I hope its normal for me to not like my girl doing shit like this. Am i in the wrong frame of mind!? Its boggling me, i feel jealousy comming over me when I dont want to be! HELP!

How can i get past this, should i talk to her about it? or is that overly needy and possessive. I feel like maybe if we were in a more "official" relationship this wouldnt happen? I dunno my brains going in every direction at once right now! (damn afc confusion

Well man, I will say it is reasonable not to want this girl you are seeing to show her breasts to everyone. And regardless of if you are in a relationship or not, boyfriend or just friend, it is polite to point that out. And if you do it in a manner that isn't possessive or overbearing, then you are just being respectful. Her reaction will inform you of many things. If she says she doesn't care, then tell her in a non confrontational way that you do. That isn't a bad form of jealousy....

as for her calling everyone "babe", you have to let that go. That isn't a big deal. So she is calling people babe and you're not special. You're still with her and they arn't.

How far have you two sexually gone? You don't need to have the talk, really. You two just flow and see where it goes. When you run out of things to talk about, just enjoy each others company. Conversation isn't the only thing that keeps a relationship alive. Start introducing different activities into the mix. Start hanging otu with each others friends. Start going places, meeting new peopel together.

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This is some great advice! I have started introducing her to my friends when we get out and stuff, but she is against introducing me to her's for some reason. She says she is "embarrassed" of them. We have been having sex since December every time I see her (which is basically whenever she is not at school or work)(2-3 times a week).

Also i feel like something should be said about being explicit? I have read the onion theory, but maybe i am not understanding completely. Why would opening up to each other more and more would we would understand that we are in a relationship? What shall i do to get this across?

If you are sexually involved with someone, emotionally involved with someone, and in the core of someone, what does that equal? A relationship. I'm not saying don't bring up the talk, if you want clarification then the only way to be sure is to talk about it. My point with the onion theory is just wait until it is appropriate to bring it up.

Sit down and tell her that you see things going well, and you would like to take it to the next level. Or ask her what her feelings for you are. Doesn't have to be a conversation with the weight of the world. Make it casual.

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I definatley get what you mean by this now. I felt that we were ready and so i told her that i was going to stop hooking up with other girls and want to focus on her. This made her happy and i feel like it was something that was great to be said. It was nothing weird like "hey how do you feel about me" because it is clear that we both have feelings for each other.
Thanks for all the help!

I wasn't sure where to put this post, but after reading a lot of your stuff on the forums Locke I'd like to hear your advice on my situation...

Basically about two months ago my girlfriend of 4 months broke up with me, I know that may not seem like a big relationship but we'd known eahcother for like 7 years casually beforehand (through school and college). The breakup hurt a lot, even though i knew things were a bit 'stale' at the time I just assumed it was just a blip and we'd be back to normal after a week or two. I know everyone says this and it gets laughed at a lot, but i think the reason the breakup was so bad for me was that we literally got on so well and were so comfortable together - it frustrated me that it just ended so abruptly. Moreover, after thinking about it in the weeks after the breakup, I became frustrated with myself because in all honesty I can say that that it was probably my fault, I wanted so much to come across as alpha and dominant and to keep her wanting that I neglected other more important areas of the relationship - basic things like giving her a kiss goodbye and stuff.
After the breakup I did the whole 'no-contact' at all thing for like a month then i texted her and we met up for coffee one afternoon and caught up and shit - it went well and wasn't awkward at all which I guess is a good thing.Also Because we both live in the same town, go to the same college and have an intertwining social group, I see her every few days, especially out at weekend nights.
I guess my question for you is:

How can I either...

A) Prove to her that I now understand what is needed to make the relationship work and that I've learnt a lot and matured as a result of the breakup, and her taking me back.

or B) If you cant see a way of making (A) happen have you got any advice on getting over her? I thought I'd be alright about it but I still think of her constantly over two months since we split up - I think this is mainly down to the fact that I still blame and am angry at myself for making her want to leave.

Hope that all makes sense and if theres anything else you need to know just say, really looking forward to your thoughts. Many thanks, Nick

still waiting with baited breath for any thoughts you have on this Locke!

cheers

Locke,

How do I stop dreaming of you and that fancy hair of yours?


Regards,
CK

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success is my only mother fucking option, failure is not.

get a girlfriend, that's how

come to the PMZ meetup in NYC. I'll make you forget about Locke's dreamy hair.

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- Zip

Locke, you are pretty much the expert when it comes to pua relationships. you should write a guide on how guys are supposed to act in a relationship haha



so what is your opinion, do you think that the guy should act the same way he did while he was gaming the hb?

or should he change his style up?

Hey Nick, sorry, I have been extremely busy.

I would say, if you have taken some time off, find out if she is interested (or has been) seeking other men. If she is still "available" then why not just sit down one night and explain to her that you've grown up and want to try things out again. The worst that could happen? She says no. Then you are back to question (B.) getting over her. But before you can do that, you have to find out if she is over you. Then, from there, you just meet other people.

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You should always involve game into your personality...your personality should never BE game. Otherwise, who are you? If you act different ways, then when she finds out who you are--regardless of if it is good or bad--things will go a rye; you are no longer the person she began to like.

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[color=red:7c51ae7520]email is a better option: thelockestar@gmail.com[/color:7c51ae7520][/size:7c51ae7520]

Hey, Locke, I have a situation and I'm looking for some advice. Maybe you can understand.

I've currently been sleeping with someone who has a 2 year son and been dating someone for past 4-5 years. I could go into DEEP DEEP detail for this but it's just far too much. To make things simple: We have had sexual tension between us for almost 2 years and it finally happened just 4 months ago. I stress this though: I'm not doing this for the sex. I feel like I'm love and yet so confused at the same time and she feels the same. She's in love with me but she doesn't feel ready to end things with her boyfriend of 5 years. The impression that I get is that he doesn't seem to forgive her for her past fuck-ups and it tears her apart. I get the feeling that she's into me because I am how she wishes her boyfriend could be and because she loves who I am in general.

The situation confuses me. It's not really tearing me a part but it sucks because I can't exactly give myself entirely to her. I had a wonderful relationship with her before the sex and I still have a great relationship with her. In fact, I feel so much closer to her than ever before. I have helped her out for her career and she's done the same for me. She talks to me like if we're in a relationship. and it makes me feel like I'm in La-La land but I wake myself up from this fantasy world we're living. At the end of the day, she's not my girlfriend. She's someone else's and with a baby at that too. It's difficult to trust her because how slick she is from hiding things from her boyfriend. I'm uncertain if having the mentality of "Oh, she cheated on her boyfriend of 5 years. She'll do the same to me" will do me any good but it's a mentality that I'm carrying in the back of my mind.

On top of that, I have noticed that I'm a really jealous person. I hold back my jealousy and I don't show it to anyone because I just think it's lame to do that. Deep down, it bugs me. What's humorous is that I'm not jealous at her boyfriend. I'm jealous at my own freakin cousin! I see her sending comments to him on myspace and it bugs the living hell out of me. How do I stop being so lame like that? I don't want to be jealous. It's so wack.

I'm torn. I just needed to vent this out. I love her as a person and I don't want to lose her in my life. At the same time, I don't want her to be with my cousin if that were ever the case lol. We have talked about our situation various times but we can't keep our hands from each other. You think this is gonna turn ugly?

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