OK, I can see myself moving into a scenario where I have multiple GF's (meaning multiple women that I am having sex with). In fact, that's my goal...having been an AFC all of my life, I've never able to sleep with multiple women without feeling like I was "cheating" on them...even if we didn't have any real commitments yet, I would always be afraid that they would find out about each other, and then all of them would dump me. Now, I'm refering to a more casual relationship rather than a serious long-term relationship. I've never cheated in a serious long-term relationship, and probably would not want to.

So, several casual girlfriends that I'm having sex with (not yet, but my goal). How do you best manage this? Scheduling could be challenging, but I can manage that. What about those questions "Are you seeing anyone else?" or "Are you sleeping with anyone else?". How do I best respond to those, but do so without being dishonest?

Here's my thought:

HB: "Are you seeing anyone else?"
Me: "I have several lady friends, but no one serious. What about you?"

HB: "Are you sleeping with anyone else?"
Me: "Now, would you want me to answer that question about you? I don't kiss and tell, and that includes with you."

What's the best answers to make her WANT to stick around and even spend more time with me rather than ending our casual relationship? Do most women assume that you are only seeing them, or do most women assume that you are seeing other women too? (I honestly don't know the answer to that question.) I can certainly logically say "Well, if you want to make our relationship something exclusive, then it's something we should explicitly talk about rather than making assumptions...don't you think?" However, not sure how most women will perceive this.

So, advice please! I'm hoping to head somewhere I've never been before.

Cheers,
Gruuve

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Divorced dude having a good life.

Remember on important thing: we teach other people how we wish to be treated from the moment that we meet them. If you don't want to be in a serious, committed relationship, just say so. Honesty goes a long way. Being dishonest will bite you in the ass. So, if you are seeing multiple people, just as you said, tell her that you have a couple of female friends that you spend a decent amount of time with. As for the whole monogamy thing, if she asks you if you are sleeping with anyone, your answer will be inadequate. She wants you to tell her that she is the only one. Telling her that you "don't kiss and tell" will only force her to press the issue, it's a cop-out answer. I can't give you any advice on that issue, I have no experience with having multiple sexual partners at the same time, nor do I plan to.

On the other hand, I have dated several women at the same time. As far as the scheduling, this can be difficult. First, I would be choosing women based on geography. Logistics is of the utmost importance. To keep them all separate, have them in different cities, with different social circles. If you have a restaurant that you love going to, find 3 restaurants that you love going to, one for each. Catch my drift?

Another point, for scheduling, is time. Don't plan to leave one girl at 5pm and pick the other up at 6pm. That just won't work. Assume that one is going to keep you late, or something like that. Plus you don't want some other chick's perfume on you when you pick up your other girl.

Even if all three women are fully aware that you are not solely dating, no one wants that thrown in their face and may leave if it is. So, keep a low profile, trust only your closest of friends to meet more than one of them.

I hope that I was able to help.

Medic you really seem to be one rightous guy. I bet that positive karma goes a long way for you.

Gruuve I think I might look at this from a slightly differant perspective. It's good to have things lined up to say when questions are asked. But you seem to be having a bit of anxiety about the whole concept. Like perhaps you might be doing something wrong. Just guessing here of course.

Like Medic pointed out, this can all be handled in an upfront honest way. First off, let's all agree that there are ladies doing the exact same thing you want to do. Until you've made an agreement that it's an "exclusive" arangement, everyone knows the doors are open.

As for questions, they all sound like shit-tests to me. Have some good answers lined up. But for her, don't show your cards and don't give into pushy broads. Just the fact someone is sticking their nose where it don't belong is a warning.

Think of sitting down to lunch with some lady and now imagine the girl you just banged last night walks in and sees you. What's your reaction? Is it sort of a small panic? Is it extreme uncommfort? Whatever that reaction is consider and put a new spin on it.

Now see yourself and that same situation. You see the girl you banged last night and your face lights up. You welcome her and introduce her to the girl you're eating with. They're making there own awkward hellos and you are now thinking "Fuck!?! I wonder if I can manuever this so I can sleep with the both of them at once! I hope they get along!".

I guess my point is, that it's not the answers to these annoying questions that are as important as your confident state of mind.

Just some ideas.

Good luck.

Dude...I like the way you think.

I think you made a really good point here...I need to check my "inner game" on this one and make sure that deep down I don't feel like it's "wrong". Thanks for the post!

Gruuve

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Divorced dude having a good life.

DUde, I'm glad you brought it up too. It was an issue I didn't consider, but I got a handle on it now.

But I did give myself a good idea. DeAngello talks about techiniques to menuever two women into bed with eachother. Working that angle on an unexpected meet-up like that would be huge. The whole vibe, I think would be very powerful.

I'm lining up a posse to go on a cruise. 4 buds. We're gonna work a lot of angles on the babes. Banging women an a cruise ship can be a bit of a bore. Like shooting ducks in a bucket.

Maybe that would be a good time to find two willing, open minded ladies...

A threesome or three is one of the things I'd love to get under my belt (pun intended). Where would I find the techniques in question by DeAngello?
*Makes mental note, and goes to check cruise prices*

Gruuve

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Divorced dude having a good life.

Sorry I can't help with the DeAngelo thing. I don't have access to that info anymore. But I remembered it had something, obviously, to do with huge confidence and attraction. Bringing the women together and having a new dynamic, showing interest in the both of them and generating interest between both women. It's a level ten thing. But I think it could be done. One thing we do know is that there are plenty of women who are attracted to other women.

Cruise ships are the ultimate for hooking up. Guys don't go, because it sounds weird for two guys to go on a cruise. But women do it all the time. So there is always more women than guys. Plus they are at sea and there is plenty of alcohol. Dude, it's huge.

Heck,, even a family cruise ship. 2500 people, mostly families. But,, that still leaves about a hundred unattached chicks and only one disco.

I just posted my cruise ship strategy on the "field reports" section asking for other ideas.

Gruuve I think both of your responses are perfect.

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No trees were killed in the sending of this message but a large number of electrons were terribly inconvenienced.

In my experience it depends on the women,

If they're open about sex, and, and this is important, they don't see sex as something necessarily exclusive.
(some people may believe that Sex is something like an exclusive contract, or something)

Be open about it.
But don't rub it in their face, nobody likes to be constantly reminded. (Imagine yourself in their position)


And also; be open to accept them doing the same to you.
If you know yourself to be unable to accept a woman you're with having MLTRs, then you probably shouldn't expect her to accept it either. (hypocrisy never seems to be a good trait.)

Absolutely, I'm fine with that. I'm recently separated, and not emotionally ready for any serious LTR. I'm going to enjoy my freedom for a change.

Gruuve

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Divorced dude having a good life.

Yes the topic of this is a question I've been pondering as well, and is a position I see myself being in very soon. With the girls I'm working on I'm trying to set correct expectations and make my intentions clear from the get go. I really do want to be honest and have no desire to hurt any of these women.

One girl I've been seeing for a little while now (about 1-2 times a week) I can tell she is starting to push for a little more. I probably didn't do a good enough job setting the expectations right off the bat, so I'm considering having a straightforward conversation with her to just make it explicit that I'm not looking for anything beyond casual. We are both recently out of ltr's, so it's not a stretch by any means.

I guess the question I have is; is it better to have a direct conversation or is it better to go about it in a more roundabout way. For instance having a conversation about what it's like to be single again.

Good question...I like to be upfront and gently to-the-point myself, but I recently pissed a woman off by doing so. I'm going to see a lady out of town over the upcoming weekend. We've chatted and talked for a while, traded some quite sexy pics, one night the chat turned erotic, and I ended up giving her instructions over chat of what to do to herself (cybersex)...she did everything I said...after a while she quite typing (I figured "she's using both hands now" so I just kept giving her instructions). About 10 mins later she re-appeared and said "I just shot cum halfway across the room...I must be really comfortable with you." Hello...my first squirter! I can't wait to get there Sat!

Before I went though, I wanted to make sure I set her expectations so that she didn't get hurt. I told her than I'm recently separated and not emotionally ready for any long-term relationship. I said a bit about how difficult long distanct relationships are. I asked her questions like "If we have a great time including sex or not, will you feel hurt if you don't see me again for a month?" End result....she got pissed and said "I get that I'm not girlfriend material. Just let me know when you want to come up for a booty call."

Damn...women are emotional creatures. So I called her and said "Whoa...nobody said you're not girlfriend material, you definitely are. It'll be hard for us to see each other frequently...I just don't want you to feel used or taken advantage of. That's all I mean." Good intentions gone bad. Anyway, I then told her "Look, I'm coming to see you, OK? If we have a hot and nasty night, great. If we don't, that's fine too. Either way, we'll have fun." That seemed to make her feel better...I'm not coming there for "just sex". Anyway, the weekend is still on.

So, to answer your questions...I'm thinking you might be better off to go the round-about approach...talk about how much you enjoy being single, etc. I honestly don't know the best answer, but I'm hoping I'll get enough experimentation to figure it out.

Gruuve

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Divorced dude having a good life.

I am all into honesty. Completely with that. But what is the line between honesty and showing your cards? Isn't showing our cards for chumps? Doesn't it kill attraction?

I think in this situation we are coming very close.

DeAngello saids to keep them guessing at all times. "Conversation" gets wordy real quick. Makes us look like wimps. I'm in the same spot you guys are, planning ahead and we know this is gonna come up.

I'm leaning toward "look, you are way ahead of me on this. I haven't thought about it. Where are you going with this?.

Answer a question with a question.

Just an idea. It may need some refinement.

Good point, NR...keep the thoughts coming.

Gruuve

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Divorced dude having a good life.

Swing it to your favor and get a group thing going there, haha. Just kidding, unless you're into that. I think I've read it up above, be cautious with scheduling, you don't want conflicts. You also don't want to be seen with your gf by your other gf. I don't morally condone this, but I'm not you.