All my life I've been surrounded females who have declined the way I look and think of them. In a sense I've lost respect for them and at the same time they've made me a person who wont be stepped on. To save you reading time you can jump to the bottom to offer advice to my question. Everything between here and the question is some of the reasons I have for loosing faith in girls.

Here's my reasoning; In high school my first lay was 12yrs older than I was and married, but going through a divorce. Still dont feel good about it.

Also in high school I found out that my mother cheated on my father with one of his workers. I found it slightly ironic after I had slept with the married women above.

My first girl friend I slept with neglected to mention she was sleeping with someone in her school, before I asked her to be my GF. Being sneaky and not being "completely honest" gets you zero points in my book.

My ex-wife was a compulsive liar, she couldnt help it. Her best friend liked me more and informed me after 3yrs of marriage that my ex was out sleeping with guys while I was away on military orders. Karma is a bitch

My ex-wife's best friend was married. 2-days after my divorce finalized I was tapping that ass. I guess I was lucky that her husband had a cuckold fetish.

I pick up a friend with good benefits who is trying to get into the marines. I've come to the conclusion that all girls who are serious about the military must have a screw loose some where. I keep her around to this day, but its become aparent that I'm just a piece of meat to her. Its not bad for when I need something, but I'm not fond of the relationship. To be honest, I dont give 2 shits about her.

I met a girl through a good friend. We dated for a month on and off. She was just like my ex-wife and couldnt tell the truth if she wanted to. I keep her around because she still is enjoyable to be around. Shes not bad in bed and confides in me things she couldnt tell her best friend. Like how I was the ONLY boyfriend she didnt cheat on.

Same friend introduced me to another mutual friend. He has living with him a single girl that I got with one night. She forgot to mention she was still married and seperated from her husband. She has a great personality so I made her a friend and now I get free food.

Then I meet another girl through a mutal friend. Its clear to me now that I was the rebound guy. I really liked her and she had alot of bonuses. The way she dropped me and went back to her ex still leaves me speechless.

I recently met a couple of girls at the bar that are potential easy lays. I'm turned off to them sexually because I've seen them both go home numerous times with different guys. Fun to be around, but I see them as a couple big steaks for me to devour, nothing more. Keep em around for now and hope I dont get too drunk.

With all this I cant help but to feel numb towards girls. I know not all girls are lying cheats. I've had girls that didnt lie or cheat and we seperated for other reasons. For some reason I cant help but to remember the bad instead of the good.

Here is where I would like some advice. I started seeing a new girl and slept with her last night. In the couple weeks that I've known her, I've grown to like her as a person. I cant help but to look down on her because of the girls in my past. Its almost like my past girls ruined it for the possible girls in my future. I'm afraid my asshole shield may be too intense to let sincerly "good" girls through. Is there anything that I can do or read that can help me look at girls differently?

Looks like a lot of marginal women have gotten you down. I mean, like you said, it's to the point that you really don't have much respect for them anymore. So net result, it's turned into a problem for you and that's too bad.

First off, let's take a look at women in general. They are human and do mess up. That's gaurenteed to happen. Let's not get more down on them then we do our own brothas, since we mess up at the same rate.

You've had a bad run. Flip a coin ten times and you'll probably get 5 "heads" and 5 "tails". In your case you flipped and gotten 1 "head" and 9 tails. Improbable, but it does happen. But deep down you know, if you keep flipping your gonna start getting the more expected results.


I'd say keep your head up, relax and enjoy the game. It is fun and the women are worth it, or all us guys, and their are a ton of us, wouldn't be wasting all our time doing this.

If you run into crappy people it certainly isn't your fault.

You know, lately I've been thinking somewhat the same about women.
Thankfully I don't have such bad experience with women as you do, but it sure was a blast do realize that women cheat too, and I don't know but on average maybe even more than men.

I grew up thinking that women are absolutely in charge of themselves and the average woman who's in a relationship would never cheat, because they don't easily get aroused as men do. You know how in society men are often viewed as cock-driven. Well learning about pick-up and that women can be manipulated/driven into doing something (cheating on their bf) that they wouldn't agree on on a rational level by for example stimulating them on an emotional level (Mystery said "It's all about how a woman feels around you") made me realize that you as a bf cannot expect your girl to be 100% faithful to you. Even if your relationship is near perfect and her love for you real and strong, cheating for her is still not an impossibility, but a high improbability.

What I want to say is that basically, it just takes a mPUA to pick up your girlfriend or maybe even a less skilled one. In most relationships (especially marriages) where the woman has never cheated on her partner I'd say the faithfulness just hasn't been tested. I am very very sure that for example my own mother never cheated on my father, but I know that if there was a PUA who knew who to, he could theoretically seduce her.

So the question is, what is your attitude towards that?
Will you persist on 100% faithfulness of your woman? And let's face it, you aren't yourself. So on that basis, a relationship cannot be built upon.
I for myself think that, as long as you can trust your woman to be honest and sincere about your relationship and to you (and vice versa for you), a mistake like a ONS-cheat is forgivable. But that also depends on how important you see the relationship. There's no point in forgiving if you don't care much anyway.

My tip for you, even though you after a LOT more experienced than me (im just a 20 year old kid ) would be to sort of develop an efficient qualification process for the women you meet. Almost like shit-tests women do. Figure out a few little tests you can do on THEM when you go sarging so that you can better estimate if she is worth your time.
Losing trust in all women in general isn't going to help you.
You'll only become a bitter old man who cannot find love anymore.

I myself am I sort of that situation. I'm having an affair. The girl is cheating on her boyfriend back at her college (it's more complicated than that though she-cheated-on-her-bf-with-me-and-feels ... 38679.html)
Now I absolutely love that girl, and I know for sure that she can cheat.
But I still want to have a future with her some day (as I said, it's more complicated...). And why? Because she and I have a really really great and strong foundation of honesty and sincerity. I know I can trust her to tell me if she should cheat on me, and I think that I would most likely forgive her. If you care and feel bad enough to tell your partner that you cheated, that is the first step of real penance.
This however doesn't mean that cheating is okay. There is always a limit of how much you can forgive. And the more it happens, the weaker the penance. Cheating mustn't become a habit, or an 'affordable' act, at least not in a monogamous relationship.

Goodluck,
base_player

Shit, I hope it doesnt come to that.

I've never cheated on any girl I was attached to(girlfriend, dating, wife). If I dont want to be with them I simply break it off and move on. I can deal with anything, even cheating. What I cant deal with is lies making me blind to whats going on around me. I've adopted some of the girl's habits of lying. Whether its to make life easier on myself or to mask a deception, I dont like it. But this isnt the problem. I fear that the next girl will be like the bad apples in my past.

As for flipping the coin, it seems the odds are always stacked against me. Its funny though. My mother sees me bring home 1-2 different girls a week and the usual couple I keep around. She jokingly said to come to church and try to pick up some quality girls. I might take her up on that, she said the 10:30 service had the cutest girls.

Blue, I can tell right now that you are one deep guy. You have a conscience and a brain. I don't know why you're here, because you don't need help meeting women.

Here, let me read between the lines. You're the guy that has that something that women are drawn to. We try to develope it, and it can work for us. But you were born with it. We work on it, but all you have to do is stand around.

Man,, you know I'm guessing here, but I'll go on. So you end up with a lot. So what to do? Who are all these people/women? It's almost like you're not picking anymore,,,, you're always being picked. So what do you end up with? ANything.

Look,,, I may be way off base with that, but I can tell you one thing that is not covered in the PUA handbook. Eventually we have to get a "read" on the women we are with. What kind of person am I dealing with?

Perhaps it would help you if you found a system to test these ladies better. I've always found that,,,, believe it or not,,, listen to your friends and family. they are almost always right.

Even outside of that, come up with some of your own tests. On my end I use things like, when I bring her around kids, are they drawn to her, do they jump on her lap and play? Or do they keep their distance. Or how does she treat waitors. I'd ask the waitor to bring her steak when she ordered fish and see her reaction. If she can't respect the simple mistake of the waitor, she'll never respect mine.

You have other concerns. Perhaps you can come up with your own "tests".

Good luck Bro...

He my friend, I understand what you are going through... Ive been through the same a lot of times, until I came up with my own "Women testing Method". Just like my man here says:

"Perhaps it would help you if you found a system to test these ladies better. I've always found that,,,, believe it or not,,, listen to your friends and family. they are almost always right. "

Thats so true. There are a lot of ways for testing woman, If you want a serious relationship with one. From the way they dress, to the way they speak and laugh. That is also a part of NLP. So, if you want help, I can give it to you, send me a PM. I know exactly what you need.

Hearing it from two more people only gets my gears turning more. I need to come up with a way to validate the qualities that girls have that I value. I would love to hear more ways/tests that people have come up with.
This is so damn true its not even funny. Any "serious" relationship that I entered into since my ex-wife has been put through a gauntlet of friends and family. I've actually ended relationships based on what was said. I would of saved myself 3yrs of being with my ex-wife if I would of listened to family/friends.

The problem I've run into is two-faced girls. They lay it on thick and hard to get and keep my attention. Then once they think they have me, do a 180 and become this complete different person. Spending time with a girl is the only way I know to truly find out who they are.

Nightrider, as for why I'm on this site? Very simple. I love to learn and am always looking for a way to better myself. I will always be a tenative student, even if some day I become the Teacher.

Some things I've come up with to disqualify girls.
~Lying. I have no room for liars in my life.
~Cheaters. Once one, always one.
~Disrespecting those closest to you. Cant respect them, you wont respect me.
~Bad driving. If I'm going to put my life in your hands, you better take care of it.
~Being emotionally attached to ex's. They're an ex for a reason, let em go already.

All of this is good for the future girls in my life. It still leaves me with the girls in my past who poisoned my view on girls in general. I'm starting to realize the answer to my own problem. Time. Time will be the only thing that will allow me to fix my current issue.

I feel like the patient that goes and sees a psychologist. I ramble on about my problem and eventually find the answer. Thank the shrink, pay him and leave. Eventhough the doctor didnt say a single word.

Thank you guys!

Blue I'm here for the same reason. To learn. It is just so interesting to get other peoples perspective on things. I always challenge my own positions and always keep my mind open to the fact that I may off track.

Also like you, I'm not technically here to find new ways to meet women. Fact is, I don't want to meet women right now. I'm going though a divorce, and my focus is to get myself centered again.

This site helped me out so much. I'm at the point where bad feeling just go right through me. It's weird. I'm really upbeat about me, my soon to be ex and life in general. I don't have any need. It really feels pretty good.

But hey,,,, make no mistake about it,, when I get this all settled out,, I'll be ready for some fun..

Two faced women are hard to ferret out. That's where it really helps to get an alternate perspective from friends and family. A person running multiple personalities really have a hard time of sorting out who they are sapposed to be when they are around groups of people and that's when they'll slip.

It's no gaurentee. Ideally,,, if you had a gal-pal, she could clue you into what your girlfriend was saying behind your back. Just as long as you restricted to "really, really need know" stuff. Spying is death to good karma.

I'm going to start compiling a list of "tests" begining with the ones you posted.

Seekndestroy,, hey man, can you post your tests here?

Take care fellas...

Please excuse me for not reading every letter in this thread, but hey...

.. it's your responsibility.. guys.

You have to select your own girls. Even though you fall in love YOU are the selector. Don't forget this. If you get cheated upon, it's your fault. This your reality, and everything happening is a reaction to your action (my logic and motto, you don't have to agree, I won't argue about it).

As well as you can manipulate girls to like you, you can make them NOT cheat. Why wouldn't you? You can make a dog sit, you can make your friends use the same words as you do... why should this be too hard?

I havn't been cheated upon (so far so good, ehh?), but I reckon you should keep talking about everything. Encourage to talk about things, and ensure that no punishment will be given.

Why not install a keylogger on her PC, eh? I have the code right here if anyone wants.

_________________
Style: Who do you think lies more...
DeAngelo: What's up fool?
AFC: Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

I'm not sure how you will take to this but feel free to disregard it if you like. I am currently studying abnormal psychology and from the sounds of it, you are ATTRACTING these types of women. You say that there are woman you have been with who aren't like this but have seperated for other reasons. This could be coincidence OR perhaps that is just what your subconcious is telling you.

By the way having sex with a married (or in middle of divorce sorry i couldn't remember) woman 12 years older than you when you are in highschool is a MAJOR MAJOR mind fuck and extremely unnatural (as if i need to tell you lol). This could possibly be why you attract not-so-faithful women.

Now, if any of this seems to make sense, which it should at least make you wonder, than you have to get over this huge dilemma. I recommend therepy of some kind. Maybe even spiritual readings, but i doubt more and more woman or the answer before the problem is figured out.

Like i said, feel free to disregard this information if you would like, i know it probably sounds as though I am attacking you which was not the intention at all. I just wanted to throw another option of what could possibly help you, because despite this small hang-up you seem like a super good guy with a great head on your shoulders. AND you're serving our country! Thanks for that my man and good luck.

Roady, very interesting perspective.

It's an excellent question for all of us.

Well said.

Id like to put in my two cents on this. Your going to get all the bad apples because most of the good ones are going to be already taken. The girls who are faithful, intelligent and honest are going to have an average of 5 relationships in their lives and its more than likely most of these girls are in one at the moment. Its like playing poker you can be the best player there is but its the luck of the draw.

Personally I dont think I have very good odds of finding a girl in my lifetime as I have high standards(for a wife). You could settle though... Although im not.