Learn from my mistakes. Never, never, never try to help anyone with their own inner game. People are slaves to their ego and they will see your constructive critic as an attack and they will raise their guards and be pissed at you for even realizing that they have empty space for improvement.

However, there is one situation where you can help someone and this is when they ask you to help them. For any other situation, just don't even try. If you have a need to help someone, send them material from an unknown e-mail address.

For any other situation, just tell yourself to shut the fuck up! And for fuck sake, don't even try to mention that you have been studying this shit because they'll eat you alive!!!

When you see someone who is very damaged, just embrace them as they are...

I disagree
But I understand why you have these views.

Here's a fallacy though:
People aren't all the same.

Some people can handle constructive criticism of their world-model, their deepest beliefs and such.
Others may react in a violent and anal way, especially if they feel you are attacking their Ego.

So, it's more to do with the certain person, and how you deliver the advice.

I learned last summer, listening to stuff by Kenrick Cleveland, that when people say stuff like "It's just that..." you're up against their model of the world, which means you have to be Really, really careful. Otherwise they may get emotional about the whole criticism, since they most likely will feel you are attacking them as a person and not their Beliefs.


I generally try to soften whatever it is I'm trying to get across, but, alas, I'm usually prone to being very Rational and such about it. Which may lead to conflict with Emotional people.

(Neither are "better" than the other, they seem to be just ways of understanding and processing information. Some people make judgment based on their Feelings, others on their Thinking, according to Jung)

Most women (two thirds) are Emotional, while most men (two thirds) are Rational.


But I digress,
Helping people with their inner game, can be done, but it's best to do it in a form of guiding them to information, rather than direct confrontation of their world-views and beliefs about themselves.

And always soften this sort of stuff.
rule of thumb.


This seems a little disorganized, but what the hell.
That seems to be the way I think,.. Disorganized Thinking

Cheers

Well, I guess you're right. However, you really have to calibrate yourself to recognize when it is ok to help someone and how to do so.

hehe, of course.

It's usually easier if you know the person, so you have more material to base your calibration upon.
Like knowing more detailed why the person believes what he believes.

Some of this stuff can be learned through NLP, Psychology and related fields.
Like the ever-important question; "Who Says?"

a person says "I'm too dumb to understand this sort of thing" "Well, Who Says ?"
(It's very direct, and should probably be softened a bit, but the essence is challenging the Deletions, Generalizations and Distortions, by getting all the pieces of information, and preferably leading to an "aha"-moment for the person in question)

Example of generalization : "Nobody Likes me"
who's everybody, how does this person know, <b>Everybody</b>?, and so on until the real problem is revealed, which may be that the person interprets only negative signals from people, and actually don't see that the girl in the corner is dying to get to know him or other stuff like it.

Look up Richard Bandler, btw, he's good at this sort of stuff.

i know exactly what you mean....

Personally my inner game has changed drastically over the last year - i'm more secure, confident and less reaction seeking etc etc.....

As for a similar friend who is into the game - he will not realise that his inner game has a problem - in other words he's a stubborn bastard when it comes to inner game and because of this he still has the same insecurities and probably always will. Any advice etc i try and give is seen as trying to validate myself- even when im trying to be sincere lol

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I'm more inclined to agree with rand0m on this, especially if you're talking to a guy who has weak confidence to begin with. The very act of giving advice betas the guy you're trying to help.

If I feel the need to help a friend out and he's not asking, I'll first ask him if he wants help, THEN give it if he wants it. If not, he's the boss of his own world. The best thing I can do is leave him to his own designs.

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