Ok I'm 28 and have been with a 10 for nine years lived together for 6 years was a player the first 3 years but got a hold on that . we have 2 kids one with autism . she was fine the first 8 years then back last june things started going down hill the comunication stoped and she started talking to someone else .It didn't last long she saw the value in me and we worked it out but every 2 months she would self saabotage it by lying about something . she went from nice to ego maniac .some guy picked her up at wal-mart and now they text each other all the time she is looking for a place right now but here's the catch !
She is know saying she dosen't know what she wants but wants a break and to see where we aare at a few months down the road I am having a real difficult time letting her go said I would my anxieity is out of control
here is my question .
How do I build value to atract her back ?
is there some nlp I can use ?
Is there something I can do before she's out to keep her from leaving ?
should I freeze her out (but see the kidds when she leaves) or will she run into another guys arms ?
She said she knows she will want me back but is not making any promises about it but from what i have seen in these type of situations they always come back but to late or after they fall on there face .
She is in complete control I know how do I get some back ?
I jsut don't want to give her a reason to run to another guy and get serious . PLEASE HELP !!!!!

To keep her from leaving you should tell her that you want to talk to her and
see what it is that she is leaving for.

It might be that this other guy that she met is promising her things that she
wants... or he is giving her what you are not anymore and that might be an
EMOTIONAL CONNECTION...

This guy probably makes her FEEL GOOD by being emotionally there for her.

Being together for 9 years means that you are pretty set in your ways, for the
both of you. You need to spice things up with her.

Dedicate yourself to making a day JUST FOR HER. Cook and romantic meal
for the two of you, have chocolate strawberries for desert, get a babysitter
for the kids so it's just the two of you alone having a romantic night.

Run her a bubble bath with candles beside it and rose petals inside the
bubblebath so when she gets home from work you can take her coat, tell
her that you ran her a bubblebath and that you are going to cook for her.

And that you have a special desert for her sweet tooth.

If she is allergic to strawberries, then make it another romantic desert
with chocolate covered something.

It is time for you to up the romance in your relationship again. She is not
getting it from you and she is getting it from this other guy.

Take her out to a romantic restaurant, take her to a picnic that is romantic,
if you want to keep your wife/whatever, then you need to invest a little time
and money into her again.

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Wow this is why marriage scares me. Good luck there.

This other guy lives an hour and a half away . She has not kissed him or selpt with anyone one else but me (well there was one time back in 02 when I was being a player and she wasn't aorund ) I ahve tried the romantic stuff the feeelings she has seen me cry over this a lot over the last month . She has this wall up aginst me that came down 3 nights ago when I wanted to know when she was leaving . IT was a long talk and thats when she talked about seeing where we are at down the road . Then the wall went back up . She was even looking for a 6 month lease but I think she is signing a 12 month in the next few days . I have tried everything she wants me to see other people and then sometimes it seems like she doesn't . I think If I did from reading her it would make it easier on her to see other people.
Its like we are friends now and we where never together its so weird and tearing me up bad!
for the record I never married her because everyone she is realated to has been divorced at least once but we were talking about it back in August she was even looking at dresses

Philzy,,,dang that sucks! But I am glad to see you are exactly where you need to be right now. It's not a good place, but there is chance for a recovery.

You admit to yourself that you're having a hard time and having some anxiety. That's real important, especially the point that you want to come up with some new strategies. Because you realize that what you've been doing is not working. Man, I think you got a shot at this.

This is an extremely critical time to turn your game on. The most important thing to do right now is watch what you say. Do not put her down in any way. She will probably even intentionally say things to provoke you. Don't bite, she's trying to kill things but this is going to be your game. This is really important, I mean real. She may have cheated on you, she hurt you, she screwed etc. You have to get yourself to the point were you believe that none of that stuff matters. Like water off the back of a duck.

The only thing that matters right now is for things to go the way you want. Remember that. This all comes together Bro. By showing anger , jelousy or other negative emotions, you are only making yourself look smaller.

Hey man,,, make no mistake about it. Dude,,, you didn't ask for it,,, but you're now up to bat.

I'd suggest you get rid of shit you don't need. Anger, jelousy, self doubt. It's poison brotha. Forgive her. Think about every crappy thing she did to you and let it goooo. You got work to do. Chuck the baggage.

I'm sure that there are a couple little tricks you can employ, but the best one is the fundamental one. Being the man again. Being that centered, focused, self confident guy creates an incredible attraction.

There is gonna be some pain. That is part of the game. You just have to muscle your way through that. The pain can even help. Think about it, do you hurt cause you're looking at going through a pretty crappy situation? That fine. But ask yourself, is the pain from jelousy or whatever? Do I feel like a loser?

Those are good indicators of things you need to address. Let's look at jelousy. Why do we feel jelous? Isn't it just the flip side of insecurity. So then we can rationlize that, hey, I really am a confident guy. It's not an act. We can imagine the girl we like with a couple others guys. She's hugging them or whatever. They're saying what a woose I am right to my face. I can feel the jelousy start to hit me. But now I make a concience choice to chose a differant reaction.

Now I'm back in the situation seeing it all and it has no affect on me. It means nothing. I tell the guys "Well fine, you guys can have her, but I gotta warn you, her food bill is way higher than you'd think". I put a smile on and get back to my crossword puzzle.

Hey,,, just some tips on getting rid of junk that gets us all down.

Yep, long letter. But good luck man, get that game back on. Be the guy that all the women want and she'll want you too. Once you're back into your zone there are plenty of mind-fucks you can employ.

Remember, when we need people the least, they want us the most.

thanks for the message you make some good points I look at 9yaears as a investment

investment .When things are good there so good se jsut dosen't like to communicate and there is no reason fo rall the crazy behavior .
I asked today why she needed to move out .she says it just needs to happen right now . So running will fix the problem ?
and if we do work it out in 6 months there still a 6 month left on the lease .
I see it as a wasste of time as money way to extreme of a gamble just to make things right for us .
I ahve told her the hole time I forgive her and love her . this shit consumes ever minute of my day . She is a ten and I know she can be sweet and loving but this whole ego convince myself of this and that is crazy ! and the wall she puts up
She has been running this show and still is .

You will be hurt (as you stated) but you can use this as an opportunity to
better yourself when you feel like dating again, which should be immediately.

There's no better way to get over someone than to get back out there in
the field. I know this sounds like bullshit, but it's the truth. Don't let this girl
be your "oneitis" as a lot of girls seem to turn out to be with many guys.

Use your background with this girl as very important learning material, you
can even tell girls that you are a single father, recently broke up with your
girl of 9 years, just don't get stuck on your ex in the conversations with the
girls that you talk to.

They will sympathize with you, and look at you as even a bigger man because
you are a single father and doing what you can to find a suitable mother for
his kids and a great girl that you can spend the rest of your life with also.

It's not all about the kids, but they are a main factor in your process of
finding a suitable mate.

I know this all sounds irrelevant right now, but in time it will make sense.

I am also sending you a PM. Check your mails.

_________________
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Looks like you're running out of time. Seems like she is halfway out the door and you got one or two options. You can jump in her way crying, begging and hystericaly pleading for her to stay and absolutely ruin everything.

I don't recomend that.

I'd recomend you say something like "Look,, I thought about it and your need to move out is not bullshit. It's important to you. I would like you to stay. But if you gotta go, let me know how I can help. We can still keep in touch and everything will be fine with the kids. I don't want bad things to happen to you, I'd like good things to happen for you".

Figure out what a confident, centered guy would say to keep that door open between you two guys still.

You gotta make sure every encounter she has with you is a positive one and leads to attraction. Confidence generates attraction. When her phone rings and she sees it's you,,,, she's gotta "want" to pick up. The angry husband routine is just not going to do it.

Either way. Good luck in whatever approach you adopt.

Tough spot brotha...

Philzy,,, one last tid-bit that may be of some assistance.

Dude, you're in shock right now. But when you can, I'd suggest you think about this person. Think about the things she has done. Consider that people do those kinds of things and it doesn't mean she's evil. It's not about judgment.

But step back and think to yourself,,, is this the person I really want to be with? What are my standards? What are her ethics?

Dude you are 28. You are in your prime and will be for another 20 years.

thanks for all the support guys . over the weekend she has sslept in the bed and we fucked once . Still getting hot cold from her she is waiting to find out about this lease in a few days . She says she has lost interest in the other guy but i walk in catching her texting him . I think she wants her cake and to eat it to I am not playing that ! Any idea's on building more value or freezing her out after she moves out fo a few days ? whats the next step after she leaves? This playing feild is not in my favor right now .

The hard part is she is 89lbs 5'4 A 10 do you know how hard it is to find a skinny girl around here !! THATS my type I have one itist for skinny girls I am a leg man ! ! lol You can always buy tits later !

don't take the advice of strangers on the forum. this is a serious situation that actually DOES have an outcome that you care about. That others care about, and that others will be effected by.

Ask her before you two take the break, if she is willing to try marriage counseling, or sex classes (to reengage a spark), or family counseling.

_________________
[color=red:7c51ae7520]email is a better option: thelockestar@gmail.com[/color:7c51ae7520][/size:7c51ae7520]

BOLDED part is a must read...

After the BOLDED part, what did said moderator do???

Let me point you in the right direction.. here it is quoted and in bold...
Enough said.

_________________
| NLP eBooks etc | SEDUCTION eBooks etc |
| Sexual Decoder System (Yes, that one) **PDFs / Videos** |
I have reviewed A LOT of PUA books, videos, etc. I only upload the ones that have the best information.

For all of you that feel the need to point out that hypocritical statement, let me rephrase (as I seemed to have phrased it in a manner that some people found offensive):

Seek real answers because this is no longer a game. We are not professionals, therefore our input and experience on a situation like this is limited, if at all.

And Leprechaun, I do a lot of posting and have to answer a lot of questions. Sometimes my posts come out short and blunt. Instead of pointing out my poor worded sentence.... and maybe helping me rephrase, you have tried to draw negative attention to my advice, publicly. That's called flaming.

It's not tolerated with other members, nor with moderators; if you were not quite sure of that. So, thanks for trying to make me look like an ass, and thanks for making me qualify. You win the big prize!!! check your inbox.

_________________
[color=red:7c51ae7520]email is a better option: thelockestar@gmail.com[/color:7c51ae7520][/size:7c51ae7520]

Hey Locke, cut Leprechaun some slack. He's a good guy. You admit that you may have come across as a bit short too. That stuff happens on emails. It's all good.

I've been to marriage counceling before and I would compare it to rehab for drunks. It doesn't work unless both parties are extremely motivated. It certainly would be great if Philzy could motivate his wife for that. So it is a great idea.

I as everyone else really feel for Philzy. He's at level ten of bad positions. We're far from being profesionals here, but I think with all the input guys like Philzy get,,, perhaps if one nugget of information can be of some assistance, then it is a good thing.

In addition, there is a good chance that Philzy does not have people he wants to open up to about this right now. SO being able to talk about it, and then to have others show some understanding and support is huge.

So Philzy, if you don't mind, perhaps I can build on an excellent idea of Locke's. It would be a totally awesome to get your wife into marriage counceling. Fact is,,, if she's not willing you could even consider going in by yourself. Either to a marriage or a personal councelor. Hey man, sometimes the shit just builds up to the point that we got to pull the big guns out.

A lot of guys try to fix their own cars when they break. I've had a lot of success with that and when I can't figure it out, I can normally find the answer on the internet. But at times I get to the point that the car is either gonna have to go to the mechanic or she ain't gonna run right.

Good luck bro in whatever you chose to do!

well as far as the marrige couseling were past that she wouldn't do that shit I had downloaded some tony robbins realtionship stuff and she bought 2 books she only read half of . I am living with the most narcissistic , selfish self destructive person I have ever come across and I have been around and was once into myself way back when (I was the frist around who had a tv and vcr back in 97 in there car around here and it was a bmw I got so much pussy for 4 years lol) . I came here for answers becase I feel after reading the game 2 years ago there's alot of psychology and ways of doing things different that most don't do (afc witch I may have fallen into as of late ) . I would take your advice over most why I understand somewhat of the thought process and this is a good comunity. I like the idea's and it may save me in the end no matter wht the result . I am just trying to find my though this and apreciate all the support . So do I freeze her out when she leaves , amog , act hurt , I am just looking for some ideas . her grandfather drop of her boxes today to pack some more and Wensdday's the big day if she gets the place . Oh and she texted the assclown that lives an hour and a half away this morning . I need some heat in my game brothers !!! and again I do apreciate all the support and ideas thank you !