I recently had to end a relationship, due to her feeling trapped in our relationship. I'm not so much interested in the specifics of our time together, but dealing with these type of girls/relationship problems in general

How do you deal with girls who feel like they have a loss of freedom in relationships? What is the best way to end it? Is getting back together a good idea?

I understand that these free-hearted girls need there space. What is everyone's experience with this, you know the type of girls I'm talking about.

Best Wishes,

Strange Loops

Mine came back to me after around 2 weeks, she said pretty much exactly the same.
How i handled it?

Well first of all i might mention that we slept in the same bed and lived in the same 1 room apartment in hong kong during that time hahah (Awkard? you have no idea. . .. ) During this time she did kiss other guys.
However, the first time she cracked (She even cried) was when i was chattin up two blondes in the same club as she was in. . . . i have a feeling jealousy played a big part in that one. So we made out that night, then after that we made out and did the dirty thing a few nights.
She really started warming up when I started hangin out with one of our aquaintences (Female).
Then finally one day she asked "Would you kiss any girl you can get in this club?" I said hell yeh. Then she's like well. . . i thought we were kinda like together again. . . . After that the relationship was better than it had ever been before. . . EVER. . .
Well, basically, if you want her back. . . . act hard to get, act like you can get any other girl you want, and i'm not sure if you should be cold to her or not though. . .. i did help her out a few times when she was having a tough time (Sick) but i did act cold sometimes as well. . . . .i guess, act cold yet let her know you still care. . ..

That's my little input anyway, good luck my man!




PS. I think in any relationship it's important to take some time off and make her miss you, it may not take the form of breaking up, but maybe take a trip weekend trip somewhere or longer?

I have wonderful passionate affairs with them. As in they cheat on their boyfriend with me. I think that's a great way to deal with them.

Just offering the other-side perspective.

Chief,,, that's cold as shit.

But so true. People might not like to hear about that. But that' the way it is.

Of course it's expected for any normal person to see it that way. I, however, am coming from a very different frame and do not see my stance as "cold as shit." Allow me to explain.

First of all let me assert that women are not property to be owned. Stealing is wrong, but it is impossible to steal a person from another person because a human being cannot (should not) be owned by another. That is why we abolished slavery.

Many exclusive long-term relationships end up with one or both people feeling "trapped" as the OP described. In my opinion this is because monogamy is an unnatural tool created by beta males for the purposes of monopolizing a woman's sexuality. I believe it is natural for all persons to have multiple sexual partners throughout the course of his or her lifetime and that beta males who had trouble attracting women to have sex with them created a system (monogamy) by which they could essentially "own" a sexual partner through matrimonial bonds justified by man-made doctrines of church and law.

The sexually oppressive tool of monogamy has artificially evolved in our society into formations of different kinds of relationships, not necessarily marriage. The most common example is the exclusive LTR.

For this very view I have restrained myself from posting much in this section of the forum, but I figured it wouldn't be harmful to just offer my perspective if I'm not being imposing.

Ultimately the point I am trying to make is that I feel morally justified in having affairs with girls who are not satisfied with their boyfriends because I think society has duped them into unnatural relationships that breed confusion, dissatisfaction, jealousy, and bitterness. Through compassion I feel sympathy for these victimized women who are forced to live under a sexual double-standard, so I offer them my cock in discreet passionate heat.

A PUA has spoken.

In regards to the original post, My suggestion would be to recognize that all good things must come to an end and initiate a break-up in a nice and calm way. Allow her and yourself to move on and don't even think about the possibility of getting back together. If later on the both you feel like getting back together, that's fine. But now is not later on.

Wow Chief that is a really interesting point of view.

Beta males created monogamy to monopolize women's sexuality?
I agree that nobody 'owns' another person. And therefore, there is not 'stealing' as in stealing someone's wallet or smth.
If the woman herself wants to have an affair because she is unhappy with her boyfriend, it isn't stealing, yes.

But the concept of monogamy isn't inherently meaning that women are owned by men, and men can (because that's what you imply) have sex with other women on the side. This used to be what society was like in the past, which isn't proper monogamy at all.
In today's modern society after the emancipation (which is a good thing in it's core idea), monogamy really means 2 persons being in a relationship and both have the same rights, and adhere to the same rules.
Not to have other sex partners.

So I disagree that monogamy is the way you made it out to be.
I find monogamy a very good thing to be. Even though I am not christian, or religious in general, I do believe having sex creates a 'spiritual' (not the exact word i want though) bond with that person, and when you are in a LTR with a girl you really love, that bond is especially strong.

Now, this is a special thing, valuable connection you have with her. Would you want your girl to do just the same special thing (sex) with some other guy, thus decreasing the value of the bond you have with her?
If you really love her, and she does that, you could come to the conclusion that she disrespects your connection, showing you that she would do that with just about anybody else, ultimatively saying you aren't special to her. And vice versa the same applies to you. People who are afraid of such a thing to happen agree on monogamy.
Because most people have that fear, monogamy is practically a given standard in LTRs.

So what about non monogamous LTRs where you can have other sex partners? In those relationships both partners understand that having sex with somebody doesn't have to mean betrayal of their own connection.
They acknowledge the pure sexual need of a human being. For example, I could have a asian girlfriend, and i love her, but I always wanted to have sex with a latin woman too. So if she understands that by having sex with a latin woman I just fulfill a sexual desire I have, that she obviously cannot provide me, that is a core neccessity for non-monogamous LTRs.

Well I'm drifting off the subject here
What I want to say is that having an affair with that woman who is unhappy with her bf is a cold act indeed. You are essentially agreeing on hurting that bf. Ofc the main guilt is with her, but you aren't clean either. Now you say, that guy is a bad bf or smth, but that doesn't justify the action. She should break up, and then have a sexual relationship with you.

cheers,
base_player

Wow, Chief and Base Player. You guys have made this an interesting thread. I agree with both of you on certain aspects. On Chiefs side. I would agree that women who feel trapped are definately ripe pickinging.

Fact is,,,, these women aren't ready for a relationships and if the affair ends things,,, well fine. It would be nice if all the caribu got to live on the African savana without being eaten by lions. But not only is the not the natural order of things,,, but it's also not healthy.

Against Chief I would say that the idea that beta males created monogamy is a bit of a strech. Beta males aren't worth shit and everyone knows it. If anything it's women who created that. Think about it. It's a Beta male trap. Work, pay for the house and food and fu$k you.

I would also advise chief not to get too cocky. In the the end it's not ALpha or Beta males, or the ladies who control things. The person with the least amount of interest in the relationship will control it. The amount of sex, the amount of intimacy, everything.

So Chief buddy,,, don't open yourself up too much or you might get hurt. Or,, on the other hand, if you never open yourself up enough, you never really feel the joy...

It's a double edged sword.

Good luck with whatever you guys are up to.

Chief... That brought a tear to my eye.

I spent hours 'recovering' from when a girl asked me if I believed in monogomy, and I had replied honestly. (When I was more an AFC.) Of course I was qualifying for her, but still. I didn't believe any of the words coming out of my mouth that night... I just wanted to get laid.

What you just posted about sums up my entire belief system as far as relationships go.

You guys made me realize how much I miss the PUA scene *tear* . Its good to be back, this relationship made me blind. It was probably my own fault that I didn't keep my skills sharp resulting in a breakup, but thats in the past now, onto further business.

Definietly some briliant insight from chief and base. But couldn't monogamy also work for a more insecure female trying to keep an alpha? Although I think that situation is a lot less probable.

And chief, I think your last paragraph summed up what I have to do best. When we broke up she said not to expect to get back together anytime soon, and that she just can't deal with relationships right now. But she was even saying that we can still make out, just not right away, and she even wanted to come out with my friends the following saturday. (she said this a few days after we broke up)

But, these types of girls also can be the jealous girls; so do they have a tendency to come back when they see you unaffected, already out flirting with new girls, dating and having a fun time?

Now here's another question, what if you had previous knowledge that she doesn't do relationships well, feels trapped and has a loss of freedom? She said that the last guy she almost dated, she had to break it off even before they started dating due to this. But with me she said yes because she thought things would be different. How would you handle her then? How do you give her a sense of freedom while still in the relationship? Is it for some girls that simply being in ANY relationship they will feel trapped?

Thanks for all the feedback!

Cheers,

Strange Loops

Everyone is making really good points. I just want to clarify that I'm not saying anyone is right or wrong; the perspective I presented is based on a theory with a level of validity that's questionable at best. It's no more or less valid than the pro-monogamy view. I choose the lens in which I see the world through based on what is useful for my intentions, and that's just the lens I chose based on how much it makes sense as potential truth in terms of how I want to live my life. I could be right or I could be wrong, but I just wanted to let people know their moral options just in case they thought exclusive LTRs were the only "right" way to go. Carpe diem.
Through my study of Zen and Tantra I have also come to the belief that sex can be a very spiritual - and even spiritually enlightening - experience. However, I disagree with the notion that something could decrease the "value" of a sexual bond.

Assuming that we're only talking about sexual experiences in which we create and establish this special bond, I believe this bond we're talking about cannot be quantified or measured. This bond has infinite value in the present time and therefore cannot be decreased by any event in any other time. That's not to say that your connection with your lover has no "value" before and after sex. The anticipation before and the reminiscence/appreciation afterward have different sorts of infinite value all unto themselves.

The problem that arises from experiencing this sort of connection, however, is when man chases the illusion of permanence. Nothing lasts forever but the ego tricks you into desiring a permanent legacy for your good feelings. The reality is that spiritual value from a sexual connection only exists in the very moment it is experienced. That, I believe, is one of the greatest pieces of enlightenment you can realize from sex.

Therefore, performing the same act of sex with another person doesn't devalue the performances experienced previously. Doing such a thing has only the potential to spread more love to the world because there will always be a different qualitative essence every time anyone has sex. So, I have absolutely no problem with the idea of a girl having sex with another guy after I've created a special sexual connection with her.
Probably.

My suggestion would be to say on your facebook status that you have a relationship with her and that "It's Complicated." I've always wanted to do that.
Even though I don't do the whole LTR thing, I feel like answering this question anyway so that more people can realize more options.

I almost exclusively do "friends with benefits" relationships, and I make my intentions clear from the get-go. The type of girl you are describing is a great candidate to have this type of fling with. Ideally I juggle two FWBs at a time, and I expect my FWBs to be sleeping with other guys so that the non-exclusivity is optimally mutual.

Doing this sort of thing lets everyone still have - and exercise - their freedom while still enjoying fun sex. Of course, there are disadvantages to this lifestyle. For example some depth of emotional connection is sacrificed, therefore limiting the potential for the best sexual experience possible. However, being only 19 years old I'm too young to commit! I want to have a fun and diverse college experience! So the sacrifice I make is just perfect.

Chief, I definietly agree with you when say the ego chases permanance!
In Neil Strauss book The Game, one of the biggest things I got out of it, (Besides the part where he talks about all the girls he's had sex with LOL) is where he discovers that love this flowing, and he can't force it, or expect there to always be feelings for someone.

Some of the best things that have happened to my game have nothing to do with pick techniques, openers, DHVs, negs but the spiritual teaching such as the power of now where I've learned more about myself.

Anyway +1 to you chief, your the man, and give advice that I would have never thought of. Maybe I'm just narrow minded. Its too late for the it's complicated status, I'm going to have to say its over. When I see her, I see the hurt in her eyes, I just want her to be happy now, and part of that is getting on with our lives. The way things are going ie limited awkwardness, hanging out a few days after, talking just as much on the internet as we did before the break up, and a nice kiss when I went to get my stuff, I think a FWB is definietly a possibility in the future, just not now.

In retrospective, I wasn't even looking for an LTR here, so I guess I got what wanted, just not when I wanted! lol

F***! chief, your only 19!! The way you talk makes you sound like a well season PUA. Someone's been doing their homework. +2 to you!

Goodluck to everyone and hope this thread has been of help to others too!

Cheers,

Strange Loops

chief that shit is deep. very interesting indeed.

my advice for anyone that says girls are feeling trapped in relationships with them is to figure out what they are doing wrong to make girls feel like that. i'm not gonna pretend that its her fault. in my opinion if she is feeling trapped then you are definately doing something wrong. when you are in a relationship you should talk and spend more time together than when you are single, but at the same time you dont' want to smother a girl.

in my opinion when you smother a girl like this you are plowing comfort and sacrificing attraction. go back to the pua basics and maintain her comfort without losing attraction. one of the best ways to do this is by having you own separate life by doing the cool hobbies you want and hanging out with your friends while still being in the relationship.

Your teachings: eject a relationship like you would a set: on a high note with good energy.

Meanwhile, enter a set when the AMOG's back is turned. Make sure she is still occupying his time so that you have the chance to secretly play with her ass.

Monogamy is something that society taught us to believe in for safety, security, and to maintain consistent comfort.

jesus Chief.

Morally gray philosophy got you to this advice? That hurts, and that's a lot of view point that can damage relationships.

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No shit? Of course my view point can damage relationships. I'm arguing against relationships in the first place!
"Morally gray philosophy?" You forgot the "sensible social evolutionary theory" part.

Free up your mind, brah. And I wasn't stepping on anybody's toes; don't go stepping on mine.

oops. wasn't trying to step on toes; was just trying to spark a little more discussion on that view point. I'm trying to figure out how you bring all those very different ideas together to create this belief structure you have.

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