Hey...great feedback Lep! One more pass before I go to bed!

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I was thinking about your comments Sunday night and Monday. I want you to know that I completely understand that you are in the process of healing. I've been there recently myself, as you know. I get where you are coming from.

Anyway, as I mentioned Sunday night, I generally just say what I think or feel, so take this at face-value, OK? I like you and you like me. That said, I really wouldn't want to be your "rebound guy" (I'm not THAT easy! ). I'd much rather see your true colors after you've had time to heal. I think we should get to know each other as human beings...both of us have nothing to lose and everything to gain. If something really nice eventually develops, then great. If not, I'm still glad I met you.

Here's a few uplifting thoughts for you....four important things when you've hit a tough time:

1) Decide to live in the present. Decide to not lament the past nor try to plan a future you can't control. Take advantage of any simple joy that's right in front of you. Some great moments are lost forever if you don't embrace them.

2) Tell the people you love that you love them. (And don't forget to show it...words are cheap, actions are not.) We never know if we'll talk to the people we love again...make sure it's the conversation you'd want to carry with you.

3) Realize that people come into, and go out of, your life for a reason. You might not know what that reason is at the time, but it'll be obvious down the road. Trust your instincts and don't over-think it.

4) Party like a rock star! When you're feeling down, get out and have some fun to take your mind off it all.
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Better still?

Gruuve

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Divorced dude having a good life.

UPDATE: OK, this is what I ended up telling her....decided to just say what I would normally say (show honesty), with considerations for the advice here on how to word it the best way.

And...I was thinking about your comments about not being ready for any kind of relationship. I want you to know that I completely understand that you are in the process of healing, and my heart goes out to you. I've been there recently myself, as you know. Permission to be completely candid? (I'll assume "yes".) You obviously like me, and I definitely like you. You're unusual, you fascinate me, and you strike me as having a lot of depth...all very appealing. Now that said, I really wouldn't want to be your "rebound guy" (I'm not THAT easy! LOL). I'd much rather see your true colors after you've had time to heal. I think we should just get to know each other as human beings...we both have nothing to lose and everything to gain, I'm in no hurry, and there's no pressure. If something really nice develops along the way, then great! If not, maybe I'll see you at the Elks Lodge after I get some dance steps mastered...LOL. I've seen a sample of your passion...I haven't gotten to introduce you to mine yet, wink wink. So...relax and let's have a few fun adventures...seems like you could use it. You love to learn, right? I love to learn AND I love people, so let's learn a little about each other, shall we?

And, here is her response back to that (she's refering to my presumed divorce, not her breakup):

On the other topic. A divorce is a serious process that can take
years,and can have severe consequences on the children. I wish you the
best on that.

I still love my ex boyfriend very much, although it seems that you made
your assessment, it is impossible for me to like anybody else today.
Chemistry is very hard to come by and I have not felt that lately with
the few people I have met so far.

Although I like to dance and express myself on the dance floor, I am a
serious woman, I do not consider myself in need of adventures per se.
My major goals now are to get back to dance and to reconnect with
friends I haven't seen in a while. I am also open for casual friendships
of strictly non romantic nature.

OK, guys...thoughts here? So sounds like I have indeed failed to create chemistry...dammit. Any thoughts on salvaging this one? I think I'll still see if I can leave a mood ring with her to create an excuse to see each other again, but other than that I don't have any great ideas at the moment.

Gruuve

_________________
Divorced dude having a good life.

Well..

Your message, qualifications or not, was screaming relationship in womaneese. Subtle? Not very. But she is definitely a cool woman, she answered you just as honestly back, No, Not interested at all SPAM. But we can be friends. Was that because you came on too strong? Maybe,... Was that because she is seriously not interested in that kind of thing and is being totally honest? Far more probably, judging from the language of her response. Is she interested in more? Thats what you are hoping, and you will cling on to that and push it, and I tell you almost 100% this girl is gonna bail, whether she was harboring that emotion or not.

Wanna take her up on it? Then really chill the fuck out, let her out of your mind, date other women! (seriously!), but at the same time develop a friendship and be honest to yourself that you are in the friend zone and thats where you are going to stay for a good while. The innergame method to this is the whole "date other women" part. You ARE NOT waiting and hoping for this woman, this woman is getting herself together and if luck happens to be that way, who knows? And in the meantime you are enjoying her as a friend and a fellow human being.

If you hang around like a choad tho? You are gonna burn yourself and this girl. Just give it a lot more time and if things start warming up, you will know it for certain. She definitely has her eye on you, or she wouldnt even offer the intimacy of her dance and honest friendship. Its up to you to let that go somewhat for the time being.

Agreed Daggaz. I definitely intend to date other women (have one other lady in "rotation" and another wanting to get together who's in another city), and just get to know her better as a friend. She'll get my CD tommorrow, and I'll try to "accidentally" leave my mood ring on her finger so we have an excuse to get back together (but I'll let her call me or email me to tell me about the "lost" mood ring). I don't see how I could make anything happen with this one without pushing her away. Friends can become lovers, although it doesn't happen that often. We'll see where it goes, if anywhere.

Cheers,
Gruuve

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Divorced dude having a good life.

Next time you meet her, greet her with, "Hey buddy, what's up.."

This will totally dis-arm her, and lower her "shield" that she has put up when
around you. Her shield being the one that says, "This guy wants to get into
my pants." ... so-to-speak.

Treat her like a "friend" and that shield will drop.


Now, onto the mood ring...


Tell her, "give me your hand."

She might be hesitant, or not... if she is hesitant just tell her...

"I want you to put this ring on, give me your hand."

Usually, females will hold out their LEFT HAND when asked to give you
their hand. If she does give you her left hand, this is better.. Put the ring
on her RING FINGER (marriage finger, also known as the finger of long commitment).

But, if she gives you her RIGHT HAND, just put it on the RING FINGER as
well.

Now, you want to start telling her about your CD, getting her mind off of
the mood ring that you just placed on her finger.


When you get ready to give her the CD, just tell her this...


"Hey, I have something that I want you to listen to, I made a CD I want to
get some opinions about."

(If it is YOU singing on the CD) say this...

"I sound good, but I really want friends' opinions about it before I send it
in to record labels / or clubs (if you are a DJ on turn tables)."

If it is just a "re-mix" of songs, say this...

"I thought that you might need some music to dance to when you are at
home and don't feel like going out to dance."

On the note that she likes to dance, does not mean that is attracted to you...
It just means that you know how to dance, and females like guys who
know how to dance. Don't read into the "dancing" as an indicator of interest.


When it is time to make your exit, look at your watch, or cell, and say...

"Oh shit! I gotta go. I have to meet up with someone."
(you can say a name of someone if you don't want to use 'someone').

Then leave.

If she says, "Here's your ring back."

Just tell her (on your way out the door)...

"I'll get it back from you later. Bye."

(Then leave, and shut the door).

_________________
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UPDATE: OK, I met this lady out for lunch. I kept it very cool and friendly, cracked jokes as I would normally do, etc. I gave her back her checkbook ("Thanks for the shopping spree" LOL), and gave her the CD, telling her that the first song on it was a release that's on iTunes, Rhapsody, Amazon, etc. She said "Really?". I said "Yes."

I led her to mention moods when talking about food, then said "I'm wearing a mood ring...here, let's see what mood you are in", took it off and handed it to her. She put it on, then I went to the restroom in hopes she would forget she was wearing it. I can back, she was still looking at it...apparently a little fascinated by it (they are just a little fascinating, I have to admit). She wore it for a bit, then took it off and gave it back to me when the food came...darn! We ate and chatted. After we ate, conversation steered us to some work squabble she was trying to avoid, so I said "Oh, let's check your mood again then". She put the ring back on, and asked me what the colors meant. I was tempted to do what I did with another young woman, and regardless of the color say "it means you're horny", but figured that wasn't a good call here. I said "I don't recall, I'll have to look it up". What I probably should have done was create a little mystery around it (since she already seemed to be enjoying it) and said "I can't tell you that, you'll have to go look it up". Anyway, after a few minutes she took the ring off and gave it back to me. Darn it...maybe she figured out I was trying to "forget" it.

This woman is super intelligent, and she'll occasionally just smile and stare at me. She makes me wonder what she's thinking (I should have pulled out the mind-reading trick...darn it!) She seems quite wise, and I don't think she's very gameable, but maybe I'm wrong here. It *feels* right to just be totally myself. Anyway, she paid for lunch (cool, more "investment" in me), and after I got back home I shot her a short note with the mood ring color chart. I was green (calm, normal, relaxed) and purple (passionate), while she was amber (tense, anxious) and purple (passionate). The colors are not really accurate of course, but it makes good conversation...I'm curious to see if she'll reply anything about her amber or purple.

I can't quite tell her age. I noticed that her hands don't look young...they look like mid-40's hands...but her face and body look mid-30's. She did mention something about turning 38, so I think she's late 30's. She doesn't look quite as bedazzling in normal business attire as she does in all black going-out wear, but she's still an attractive woman nonetheless. Anyway, we hugged (like friends) and kissed each other on the cheek when we parted...she seemed totally comfortable with me, even I caused her to "shield up" yesterday and Monday.

Anyway, she's a cool chick and I'll probably email her in a week or two to see if she wants to meet for lunch again. In the meantime, game-on in other territories!

Gruuve

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Divorced dude having a good life.

sounds like you are golden, as good as it can get at least. the staring at you and smiling thing is huge, she is heavily attracted to you, who knows perhaps the whole boyfriend thing is just a giant shittest shield (tho i wouldnt ever bet on it, either way doing so is the wrong thing to do)

Whatever you do, just keep playing it like you have been so far. Low key, natural, humorous. Definitely lay off the strong sexual vibes and jokes (you usually should anyhow until you are well into comfort zones), and dont rely on cheezy tricks (sorry man) like "forgetting" items on her person. You dont need cheap anchors to get another meeting with this person. Really just relax and be yourself, and yeah, date some other girls in the meantime as well.

btw ive noticed that a lot of latino girls get extremely wrinkly hands at a young age. Like paperthin skin, old lady hands, on the most attractive of young women. Its genetic, I suppose. Who cares, they are still hotties. =)

Ah...ok, I think I may have heard once before that Latin, hispanic, etc., women do tend to have hands that "age" faster than the rest of them for whatever genetic reasons. It's not unattractive...just struck me as unusual. Her hands were quite soft though...I grabbed her hand at least once to turn the mood ring so I could see the color.

Yes, I definitely think the staring in the eyes is an expression of attraction. I stared right back and smiled too...should be a subtle way to build attraction. I'm reading another book that said that studies have shown that staring into someone's eyes (particularly after you've stopped talking, letting the eye contact linger) triggers an "in love" chemical release.

Yeah, I don't think the breakup thing is a shit-test...she joined the singles meetup group around the same time that she says she broke up with her BF, so that jives. I think she's quite honest and straighforward. And I think we definitely left lunch with her feeling more attraction than she came with. Maybe she's just one of those women who chooses from a pool of male friends for dates/BF's in an attempt to insure that the man's personality is genuine? That wouldn't surprise me given her level of intelligence. Like me, she doesn't seem like someone who blindly follows her emotions. I think she may be sizing me up to see if I'm genuine, very similar to how I'm sizing her up. (The good news for her is that I AM very genuine.) In fact, last Sunday one of the things she mentioned was that she sort of dreads discovering things in people...afraid of what she'll find. I brought up a song lyric from a Journey tune that has always struck me..."I get the joy of rediscovering you"...great lyric IMO because we all change every day, and there's always more to discover about someone. It's not always good, but when we are first getting to know someone, discovering things about them is a series of small joyous events...we should keep that mindset throughout a relationship...keep discovering new things about each other, and see that as generally a good thing, not a bad thing. Just MHO, though.

Anyway, she has presbyopia (ie. needs reading glasses...I have to admit, she's still a hottie with the reading glasses on!), so I sent her a short note earlier today about some eye exercises that can reduce presbyopia (alternating near/far focus x 100-200 reps per day...the eye focusing mechanisms include muscles...you can exercise those just like any other muscle). She replied with this: "How sweet of you to send me that! Now, if I get cross-eyed it's your fault " I didn't reply.

Another thing that struck me at lunch...she put the reading glasses on and was struggling to read the bill (she bought lunch), and I said in my best Southern twang "Do you need some help, darlin'?" She looked at me and said "no, I've got it dad." That struck me as a humorous but emotional response. I *think* I made her feel for an instant like her dad makes her feel. And I think that's good...she told me previously that she has a great relationship with her dad. She seems to have very good self-esteem...that's an indicator of a good father/daughter relationship. Plus, at least a few psychology books say that we are strongly attracted to women like our moms or men like our dads (a deep-rooted need to have another try at resolving unresolved things with our parents.) I'll bet I unintentionally did the same thing as we were leaving. She said "I can't remember where I parked." I immediately pointed her vehicle out to her...she said "Oh, you know my car better than me." So I laughingly asked her "You still got your checkbook? You still got your CD?". (Very subtle negs there?) She grinned and said "yes". I'll bet I gave her that "dad vibe" again by pointing her to her vehicle and asking her if she forgot anything, now that I think about it.

Anyway, this all *seems* very positive to me. We'll see where we end up.

Meanwhile, another lady is texting me...LOL. (And this one's cute...she doesn't have the same wow factor as the Chica, but she ought to be pretty fun nonetheless.)

Gruuve

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Divorced dude having a good life.

Hey buddy, youve got it down here, I dont think you need any more advice, but I gotta say, I smile when I read your posts =)

Good luck with this one, if you guys wanna honeymoon in Denmark (oh god dont, its so cold!) just look me up! =P

Ya know, I think that perhaps I did an unintentionally shrewd thing here. If she decides to try this eye exercise for a couple weeks, I should be popping into her mind everytime she does it, eh? True? Let's just hope she doesn't develop migraines or something from it!

Gruuve

_________________
Divorced dude having a good life.

Thanks man...I guess this is one of those cases where traditionally being an AFC has a benefit, huh? Somehow, I just have the gut feeling that her and I are going to absolutely tear it up eventually... It might be a couple weeks or a month from now, but I don't mind that.

Gruuve

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Divorced dude having a good life.

Well, theres playing it smooth, patient, and understanding, and there is being a total AFC schmuck. Its the difference between totally natural game, and being that kling-on loser with a big dick in his pants who just ends up totally annoying the girl, or doing every single little thing she wants and becoming her toy.

But yeah, it can seem a bit AFC-ish if you are used to real CF, hands on, lets fuck tonight gaming.

Yup, very fine line as I'm starting to see. I just have to make sure I keep myself in the 1st category and not the second.

Gruuve

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Divorced dude having a good life.

I think u should drop her a text or something saying "I think Gruuve 1 & 2 should groove together one night. (day of the week) Night, k?"

Heh, thats a good one actually. Always clever to bring back an old joke from earlier, especially if its been more or less forgotten. Classic standup routine.