So, I've joined a couple of singles and nightlife meetup groups in my city. (My wife and I separated recently.) Went to a singles Meetup Fri night...only a few cute women there intially. I was thinking about leaving, then low and behold in walks an HB10...latin woman, slender, long dark hair, nice face, nice slender body, dressed in black jeans, black heels, and black blouse with white zebra stripes around the bottom. On her way to the bar to get a drink, most of the men were on her trying to talk to her.

We made eye contact while she was at the bar. She walked past me with her drink after she got it. I was dressed in all black too (black jeans, black shoes, nice black shirt, and black serpentine looking leather jacket). I said "I see you got the memo about dressing in all black." She laughed. I said "where's your name tag?" (On weekdays, these meetup groups use nametags since it's mostly folks from the meetup group at whatever venue, but this time they were using name tags on a Friday night.) She said "No one gave me one." I said "I'll give you one", grabbed her by the hand and led her over to the meetup table where the blank tags were. (Nevermind this was only the 2nd or 3rd meetup I'd been to!) She told me her name, and I wrote it on her tag. Then she said "I want to be Gruuve too." (That's my username for the meetup groups.) So, I wrote her a new tag that said "Gruuve2". She put it on, then put the tag with her name on my shirt. She then said "you should dance with me". I said "come on". After we started dancing, she told me she had been one of the members of the 1st place dance team in WestCoast Explosion dance contest. After seeing this woman dance, I believe her. We danced for a while, talked for a bit, then I told her I had to leave. We exchanged numbers. Some of the meetup folks took pics of us dancing (I guess we were tearing it up!), and one pic of us with our heads together looking at the camera. I posted a greeting on her meetup profile and pointed her to the pics with her in them this morning. I saw she then added me as a friend on her meetup profile.

Anyway, here's my questions:

1) By saying she wanted to be Gruuve too and putting her name-tag on me, I'd kinda take that as her "claiming" me at this get-together. Thoughts? What does this mean? What was she thinking? (I like that she seems to just say what she wants, like "we should dance"...love that.)

2) I've called her once this afternoon, she didn't answer so I didn't leave a message. I will likely call her tommorrow, but she knows I called her since it was a cel phone (they have a call record). I'd really like to secure a date with this woman. Suggestions for how to best proceed? Assume I have tough competition because she's a VERY attractive woman. I'm thinking I should just call her, say "do you have plans Thurs night? No? Well, you do now" as if I have no expectation at all that she would even think of saying "no" to a date. Let me know your thoughts. (And yes, I need to get back to reading some of the PUA books I have but haven't finished.)

Thanks in advance guys!
Gruuve

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Divorced dude having a good life.

QUESTION ONE ANSWER: Yes. She was in fact claiming you to be "hers."
You should have put your name tag on her. So she would have been
wearing both of them. Don't give her the power next time, unless you
like being walked all over.

QUESTION TWO ANSWER: The part about her saying "we should dance,"
I was like, no no no man, never let her take the lead.. BUT... I noticed
later on in the post, that you said she told you she was part of a dance
competition in the past.

She just qualified herself to you with that remark. Kudos to you.

You mentioned calling her with this line, "do you have plans Thurs night?
No? Well, you do now." That is great, do that.

She might actually have a job and is too busy to call you, or something
has happened in her life where she has not been able to call you yet.

Never leave a voice mail or message on answering machine, if you do,
it conveys neediness and she will most likely not call you back.


NOTE: If none of this happens before the next "meet up event", if you do
see her at the next one, you should be mad at her for "flaking" on you...
you know, not returning your phone call.

Also, always be the one to end phone conversations first... never let them
get too boring, always end the phone convos on a happy, up-beat note.

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You need to understand that most meaning derived from conversation is not conveyed through words. One who reads and attempts to decode your post could interpret it many different ways by imagining the situation and the body language and tonality that was involved. Honestly, no one here can tell you accurately what she was thinking because none of us heard the exact tonality, inflections, saw the eye contact, or recognized the body language that was present.

However... it does sound like she is in to you. If I read the subtext correctly, then it seems obvious to me that she is giving you an open invitation to seduce her. Amp up the teasing, the physical touching, the sexual threads, and the chemistry. From personal experience, it is behavior like this that women give off when they want a man to take control and sweep them off their feet; and there is nothing more frustrating to a woman than for her to give an obvious invitation (obvious in her opinion, most guys are pretty daft) and for the guy to not have the balls to follow through.

I'm sorry to hear about your divorce, but good luck in your future endeavors.

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There are no failures, only feedback.

Hey guys...thanks for the thoughts. I did put a name tag on her that said "Gruuve2", so I saw that as me kind of "claiming" her as well. She liked how I danced...she said "You should consider trying the WestCoast dance competitions...the ladies would love you". I take that as quite a compliment.

A couple more questions:

1) When I call her cel, she'll see that I called even if I don't leave a message. Does that fall into the same "perceived neediness" as leaving a message or no?

2) For a first date, I was thinking take her to dinner at a restaurant where everyone knows me by name and likes me (social proof), then take her to a karaoke bar where everyone knows me and likes me (more social proof). At karaoke, I can hit her with some sweet song that pushes her emotional buttons (I hope), plus get her dancing with me some more between karaoke songs (kino). I'd love to bring her back here to my house, get her dancing with me some more (more kino), maybe give her a lap dance (LOL! I give a pretty good one) or get her in the hot tub naked with me. That might be too aggressive for one night though, we'll see.

Thoughts?
Gruuve

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Divorced dude having a good life.

One other thought, since I know she loves to dance. I've found in the past that spontaneously slow-dancing in an inappropriate place makes a big impression. For instance, driving in the car and a song comes on that has a strong emotional impact...pull off into a parking lot, stop the car, get out, get her out, and dance in the parking lot. (This might be a good "trick" to pull out on her.) I remember once taking a new girlfriend to a movie, before the movie they played a great song, I grabbed her hand and took her down to the bottom of the stairs and slow danced with her in front of the movie screen (and in front of all the movie-goers...they applauded after we finished!). Also, since I sing reasonably well, who needs music? I can just grab her and sing to her while I slow dance with her.

Do these sound like pretty effective button-pushers, since I know she loves dance (and thus music as well)?

I don't have to lay her the first date...I liked her looks and personality enough that I definitely want to lay her, but I don't care if it's the first date or a few dates later.

She recently moved here from the Caribbean to go to vet school, so she's probably busy but also has a somewhat flexible schedule. She's about my age or a little younger...I'd say mid-30's to early 40's (has to be, I know from her profile, she has a 15 yr old son).

Oh, here's the pics that got taken at the meetup (and I feel like it's fine for me to post them here since they are already on the public web).

Her and I dancing (doesn't do justice...I'm a good dancer, and she moves in a mind-blowingly sexy way...she's got all the little hair-tosses and head-turns down, just all of it...ouch!):
http://photos3.meetupstatic.com/photos/ ... 32037.jpeg

While we were talking just after the name-tag encounter and before dancing (the pic doesn't quite do her justice...she's much more attractive in person...out of the 60-80 folks in the bar, she was by far the most attractive woman):
http://photos1.meetupstatic.com/photos/ ... 32034.jpeg

Gruuve

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Divorced dude having a good life.

1) I would give it a day or two before calling angain. Remember, she has your number too.

2) Sounds perfect! The social proof will not only help with building attraction, but the environment will be 10x more comfortable if you already know most of the people there.

Cool...I just called her to secure a date for Thurs night. She couldn't do that, but indicated that she didn't have any plans tonight. We have a date for tonight...she's coming to my house and we'll venture out from there.

Gruuve

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Divorced dude having a good life.

Gonna respectfully disagree with the leprachaun here.

If she was bitchy or dominating in her attitude (doesnt sound like it at all from your post, not in the slightest) then yeah you might construe that as a "claim." I dont see this too often in women, usually in younger girls in their 20s who are insecure about themselves and over correct, or in actual girlfriends who are insecure about the relationship because the BF is flirting too much in front of them =P.

I would say its a HUGE IOI, especially if she did it after accepting yours. Ok you could still say its a claim of sorts, but its more like asking permission to put her name on you, after all, you could always take it off. So she is going out on a limb there and testing to see if you like her enough to wear her name. She obviously likes you enough to wear yours.

Really here I would flip the whole perspective from "claim" to "advertisement of interest." She is showing her interest in you, to you and as well to others, saying in effect, "dont bother hitting on me Im with this guy", and hopefully holding the other girls off as well because she wants to win you. Claim is a bit too strong. More like, "Im gonna try to win him first."

If she is an attractive woman and you are in to her, there is nothing wrong at all with a little back and forth power sharing. It increases the level of investment and attraction in the relationship, helping to solidify both your chances and the strength of your bond. I would say go for it man, sounds like a great catch!

As far as going all the way with her, if you really like her as much as you sound like you do, then hold off until the third or fourth date. Kino, escalate, build it up each time you go out a bit further, but dont go all the way. Nothing is worse than buyer's remorse, its a great way to lose a great girl by going too fast. You can even hit her with the "I really like you, but I dont go that fast because it tends to ruin relationships and I would rather get to know you more. Besides, Im not that easy " This will drive her wild and earn you a huge amount of respect.

Your date ideas sound good, sounds like you are paying attention to her interest and desires, which is mucho points. Seems like you figured out the whole phone thing, but I would say with her not too sweat it anyhow, just dont call all the time at first =P I usually dont leave a message unless there is a cool invite I want to give, if she sees you called once, that just makes them wonder and they will usually call back. "Oh I missed him! Damn!" etc..

All sounds well here my friend. Can't wait to here your update.

PS - Why didn't you leave a vmail the first time you called?

Yeah you should have left vmail. Always have something neat prepared just in case the girl doesnt pick up the phone.

How does "Hey, its dan, call me." sound? lol

(yes, thats what i leave. yes, that works for me)

Update...OK, this woman has me a bit bedazzled. She came to my house, we went to dinner, talked the entire time, etc. The restaurant I took her to was one I visit often, and the wait staff knows me and all love me. However, almost none of the normal wait staff was there since it was super bowl night...dammit (didn't get the social proof I intended...most of the normal waitresses come up and hug me, the owners and managers know me and shake my hand, etc.).

She said she couldn't stay out too late since she has to work tommorrow, so we came back to my house after dinner, I turned on some music and I said "let's dance". I made the mistake of putting "Smooth" on the iPod...she started doing the cha cha! (Which unfortunately I don't know! It's time for some Latin dance lessons, I think...that's something I've been wanting to do anyway.) Then she said "How about if I take you somewhere we can dance?" I said "OK". That turned out to be the Elks Lodge, which has Latin dance party every Sunday night apparently. Damn. This woman managed to get me totally out of my element! (She paid my way in however...she said "It's my treat".) I'm OK with being out of my element, but damn...I can't follow any of her dance steps because she's so friggin' good at it! I've found very few women whose dance moves I can't copy, but damn if she isn't one of them.

So, we had a good time, but I kinda felt like an idiot since I couldn't follow her dance moves. She did tell me that her past BF didn't want her to dance (apparently, he wasn't too crazy about her dancing with other men, but didn't want to learn latin dance himself...it was clear she was not happy about that, apparently one of the reasons she broke up with him). I let her know that I'm not the jealous type...she can dance with anyone she wants (as long as I can too). We danced "freestyle" while there, and she danced with two other fellas who were skilled in Latin dance. She kept coming to tell me who they were, etc., and told me a couple of times that she only goes there to dance, not to socialize. It sounds to me like she was concerned that I might feel jealous or left out (not the case at all). I made sure to let her know that I'm not the jealous type. She seemed to be concerned that I would feel left out...I appreciate that consideration from her. Turns out this woman has a PHD...she's very intelligent and educated, a researcher who publishes the air contaminant readings for each day in major cities...she grew up in the Dominican Republic and her dad was an ambassador to the the US. Wow...I like this hispanic woman! She's totally hot and totally successful...hubba hubba.

When we left she hugged me, kissed me on the cheek (haven't gotten a good kiss close with this woman yet), and said "My breakup with my boyfriend is recent, and I'm still recovering from that." I'm not sure what she was trying to tell me with that statement. Was that the "let's just be friends" statement, or was that a request for me to be patient while she heals a bit? Thoughts?

We do have to see each other again...she paid my way into the Elks Lodge with a check, and asked me to keep her check book in my coat pocket. I still have her checkbook...ooops! LOL.

So, I'd say that I failed to create attraction tonight. But at least we have to see each other at least one more time. And yes, I'm totally willing to be patient with this woman...I'd rather have a fun relationship with her versus just getting laid and not seeing her again.

Any thoughts on how to best proceed would be greatly appreciated. (Meanwhile, I'm off to read more of "The Mystery Method".)

Gruuve

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Divorced dude having a good life.

Dont sweat the dance thing (tho you should definitely try to learn it!), all the girls in my closest social circle are into salsa and they all act the same way. Its all about the dancing, not so much about the guys. Just be prepared to accept the fact that going out to the Elk's club or elsewhere on a regular basis is an integral part of her life.

Take her little speech for what it is, not what you think it sounds like. She just had a breakup, she's attracted to you (duh), she needs a bit of time and space to set her self correctly in the universe.

Sounds like an awesome girl. Just be yourself, keep her laughing! I would actually be a bit cautious if I were you about trying "new game" on this one. One thing is to read up on the concepts and philosophy behind it, and adapt yourself to that, another thing is to suddenly try to pick up on new routines or cockyfunny behavior that you havent internalized.

Women, especially ones who are already attracted to your "normal" personality, pick up on the incongruencies really quickly, and its usually a turn off for them. So my advice would be to keep it a bit soft there, play a little bit of innocent push/pull, kino tricks are always good, but avoid things where you think "wow, I would never do/say that to a woman." You want to practise that stuff on girls that dont matter, as most guys will make mistakes as they learn.

If you're 'dancing' with her at your place, you should be getting some mad kino going on.

Fuck, if an HB10 was dancing with me alone at my place, I'd consider myself laid already.

Escalate! Be persistant without being creepy! FUCKING KISS HER ALREADY! YOU ARE IN! SHE'S IN YOUR APARTMENT FFS!

If you don't escalate, you are demonstrating that you're a scared and nervous man. TAKE INITIATIVE! KISS HER!



If you don't, I will.

Ya know, I totally agree with what you're saying here. She's already attracted to me, and she's very friggin' intelligent...I'm thinking I should just be myself and not really try any "gaming" on her. It doesn't feel like it's "necessary", and I agree I'd much rather make my "gaming mistakes" on someone who doesn't matter.

Actually, I was headed for a kiss last night as we said goodbye, but she turned her head so it was a kiss on the cheek. That's when she said the thing about recent breakup/still recovering. I *felt* like she meant it as "be patient", so that's what I'm going to assume she meant.

Gruuve

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Divorced dude having a good life.