Oh right I see. That's a weird situation. Just do something fun with her. Don't talk about being together and don't talk about her ex, just don't give a shit and show her that you are better than her ex. It sounds like your in with her, or at least have a chance.

Young girls man they are so mixed up, one week they're in love with you then the next week they hate you. I'm still trying to work them out!

Drop her like she's hot man...she's no good.

But dude, that was a very smooth facebook conversation. It looks like you have already won, judging just from that. You probably know this, but this is the reply I suggest you send...I'm far from an expert so use your judgment of course...
You: I could never be in a relationship like that. I couldn't change my whole personality for someone else. Well I could, but I would never be happy that way. I want to know that I'm cared for too, and for me, not having to change the way I act is part of knowing I'm cared for. For example, I like the person who I am when I'm with you, and I like the way you make me feel about myself.

And then adress how you can get to know her better. If uou feel this is too direct you can continue with replacing "you" with a generic "someone" and change the wording.

She said she has changed since dating Jay. The idea is to make her question whether she likes the person she becomes when she is around Jay, and whether she sees herself with him. This takes the focus away from whether Jay is a good person in himself, or Jay's good qualities. you cannot attack Jay, because she has a high opinion of him, but you can question the compatibility between him and her.

This is generally the reasoning I go through with myself when thinking about continuing a relationship with x person. Do I like the part of my personality that the girl brings out? If not I avoid or ljbf them. Hopefully this logic works on women as well. Best of luck!

Damn that's a good reply chi. Thanks.

Change of plans though. Apparently she promised another friend she'd hang out with her too so now it's going to be me, the girl, and two other people (one girl who i've never met and one guy i met for like 20 minutes). I really don't feel like seeing her now if that's the case. There's no way we can be alone since there are two other people. Should I tell her I don't want to hang out anymore or should I still chill?

The girl she wants us to hang out with is apparently someone who *used to be* good friends with her ex. I don't know if this girl is still talking to the ex, but I have a bad feeling about her. The guy is cool, but he's also friends with the ex. I don't like this situation at all, so I'm confused on what to do.

She is driving for 3 hours, so not seeing her is a pretty big move. If you say no she will
- get the message and clean up her act
- be ashamed and will start avoiding you
- be offended and start avoiding you

Unless of course you come up with a good excuse, in which case nothing will move. Take an educated guess at which one she will do and act accordingly.

Now from what you typed, I bet this girl will be telling those friends all about her juicy relationship problems. If you do not go, you and the ex will be discussed about behind your back. If you don't want to risk losing her, then go, and you will have all the cards in your hand. If you don't go, her friends may put things in her head that you do not know about.

Sooo your going to have to be a good judge of character and decide what to do. And I suggest you seriously think about whether she is worth all this drama. Apply that question in the previous post to yourself, do you like who you are when you are with her?

If it was me, I would go with her if I had nothing better to do, if only to meet her friends.

i dont know if i agree with this 100%, It boils down to how this girl already views you.

personally i would be stern and honest... to me i would handle it like another shit test, which is what she is doing.

keep a strong frame..."the plans i made where for me and you to hang out, if spending time with me is something thats not valued then im going to have to respectfully change my plans."

or something to that effect. If you go, it shows that she can have everything her way, and you end up looking like a chump that has no say. If your strong and honest about it, without being rude...make it apparent your a busy guy and she is lucky to have the time to spend with you...then you become a prize she will value more.

dont let her control the encounters you two planned on...

_________________
"The greatest mistake you can make in life is to be continually fearing you will make one."

that' s a nice thread and very helpfull for me as I encounter a very similar issue (can't start a new thread though due to post limitations).

I wander what happened finally?